You need to expose the affair. TODAY. And start by telling your kids the truth.

Yeah i know it needs to happen her Dad is coming soon I want to try to get some alone time with him and talk with him about everything. And gauge just how much support I have from him and his wife.

Be careful how much you tell him, and maybe you should get that exposure started. You don't want him to warn your WW.

I feel it will be ok. His main focus is protecting the kids. And I know he feels the affair is wrong. I just also know he doesnt know all the facts.

When found out that her friend had just called me and told me she never talked to my wife yesterday and never asked for her to come over.. she used the excuse she needed to have a night out because she and her dad are going to go and let her moms ashes go and she has alot of stress built up about it. She says she met a few girl friends from her psych class.. I just sat there and said.. not much..

My gut is telling me He wants me to do the exposure.. He is the one that suggested me calling the school and letting them know about the non professional conduct of one of their tudors. ( even though I had already had those thoughts)

I would start your exposures today. You don't want to delay. You might want to call your FIL and let him know your plan. Ask for his support. But if you want to save this, you need to expose. The sooner the better.

The exposures are in the best interest of your children.

Exposure is necessary. I went through this, and continue to.
I am convinced that my ww would still be involved in affair and living with OM if I had not exposed the affair to ALL of her close friends and relatives.
Otherwise, people view this as a "couples problem"; and thats what your wife will say. My wife said, "Stop involving people in OUR mess."...well, I DID involve them and they confronted her.
Affairs thrive in the dark, as you know from reading the books. When exposed to the light, the fantasy starts to crumble.

is there a link to all the abreveations? I thought i saw a thread but cant find it. I can figure out most but am confused on a few lol

Yeah I have a plan i just need to find a way to get Her parents alone for a little while. I know for a fact they would both be furious if they knew what she did last night.. And the fact that my daughter's (10 yr old) first words to her mother when she got home wasnt hi wasnt i missed you it was.. " Mom I really feel you are gone to much and it really hurts.:

Testimo, you can call her parents today, give them your plan and ask them to call her this evening and persuade her to end her affair. You can ask for their support, but you don't need their approval to do this.

Are you working on your plan? TE, it is going to take a proactive approach and time is a wasting.

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Her parents are driving here now should be here in a few hours. I know I dont need their approval but their support and help would be great.. So far he has told me on the phone because i have talked with him alot that while he is down here he is going to do whatever he can to perserve the family and get her to work on our marraige. I just know that He doesnt know all the facts because when I do talk to him.. I have been having the attitude of not wanting to totally drag my wife through the mud to her father. But.. He needs to know because the attitude ill support what ever decision you make.. is wrong.. the only thing that should be supported is getting rid of this guy.. and no other decision should be made until that is done and time is given to let the dust settle.

Testimo, today would be a perfect time to expose because it shows her there are consequences for actions. It is also important that you set these kids down and explain what their mother is really doing. Just imagine their confusion. They know something is terribly wrong. It is not fair to deceive them to whitewash her crimes.

Melody is right. My ww lied to our kids; I told them the truth. Kids know when they are being lied to. They will respect you for being honest with them

In front of her.. or take them aside alone

Tee, in the meantime, I would gather your evidence and start exposing to the OMs family, close family, friends, and your children. I agree it is good to have the support of your FIL, but his support cannot save your marriage alone. You need to do this right. Your FIL can support but he does not know how to save a marriage.

Take them ALONE. Just you, not her.

HAve you told her parents the FULL FACTS now? That she spent the night with the OM?

I am concerned that you are squandering your ONE BEST SHOT at saving this marriage by doing nothing other than having your FIL speak to her. Are you taking this opportunity to expose to everyone else TODAY? Because if you are not, you are wasting your best shot at killing this affair. Just exposing to her parents will not be enough to kill this affair. That will be what we call a trickle exposure. It is just enough to piss off the affairees [so they can come after you harder] but not enough to kill the affair.

If you are going to expose, you need to do it right and do it big. I would spend this time sending off facebook letter to the OM's parents, family and friends and to any other family members and friends of your wife's. You also need to expose the affair to the college TODAY. Don't squander this opportunity, my friend. Your wife is going to furious that you did any exposures, you need to get your money's worth. Make it worthwhile enough to save your marriage.

I kind of think tomorrow would be best.. For this reason. Grandma and grandpa are bringin their christmas presents. I feel the edge of caution on spoiling this for the kids with them getting upset and really not being able to enjoy this. My wife will be gone for the first half of tomorrow and I will have some alone time with the in laws and the kids.. (yes there is an element of fear but I know that it is the right thing to do, it just hurts to hear the words.. But your wife doesnt want you to fight)...