The plan for this week is her dad is planning on taking her away for a day so they can talk. I want that day to be the end of the week I think they need to see how her behavior has changed so dramatically... and get all of the facts before they are in the position to council. I want to talk with the inlaws about that tonight when they get here.. Should be about 4 hours. They just gave an update on where they are at.

That sounds like a good plan. Now, what about the exposures to the OM's family?

Are you hearing me about exposing to the OM's family and employer? Is that being done? I am getting extremely frustrated because I see you doing a little, but not much more. Your in-laws cannot save your marriage for you. You will need to do some work here yourself.

I just want to caution your FIL about this plan. Talking is not going to get him very far. Your FIL doesn't understand what he is dealing with. Your wife is in the throes of an addictive affair and trying to reason with such a person will avail him about nothing. It is good to speak to her and express his disappointment, but trying to REASON with her will avail nothing. It is like trying to reason with a falling down drunk.

Please get your exposures done. And keep in mind that while her family can be supportive, they are not educated or experienced in saving marriages. It is up to YOU to do the hard work here. Your inlaws cannot save your marriage for you.

I working up the nerve to do it. Until conversing on this forum last night.. It was something I was determined not to do. But I see the importance.. I mean.. its really wrong when my wife.. Who if she was in her sane mind would never say.. when it concerns about how her actions " I dont Care"... which i know she doesnt mean but that she can say it is a sad sad thing..

Also found out.. she pawned her 1k earings to pay for her little party time last night.. So irritated right now I am glad she is sleeping..

Teestimo, you have the nerve right now. Taking action is a decision and you can make that decision now. Waiting for a feeling is counterproductive. You have a unique opportunity RIGHT NOW to inflict some real damage on this affair. You will not have this opportunity again. You have the opportunity to cause a tsunami effect on this affair by exposing it. Just doing a little here and a little there as the "feeling" strikes will be like bringing a pea shooter to a gun fight. You will only get your [censored] shot off.

You need to be taking this time to expose to the OM's family. Stop waiting for a magic feeling to attack you. You must make a DECISION to ACT. That time is now, not later.

Protect your finances before you expose.

And get a VAR before you expose too. It's not unknown for WWs to engage in all sorts of schemes to get the poor BH out of the home, and the "abuse" story is usually the one they turn to, particularly as it can also be used to "explain" why they ended up turning to someone else.

[quote=ManInMotionProtect your finances before you expose.

And get a VAR before you expose too. It's not unknown for WWs to engage in all sorts of schemes to get the poor BH out of the home, and the "abuse" story is usually the one they turn to, particularly as it can also be used to "explain" why they ended up turning to someone else.
[/quote]

Yes i am planning on opening a new bank account tomorrow and transfering all my direct deposits to that one.

Whats a VAR?

Yes i am planning on opening a new bank account tomorrow and transfering all my direct deposits to that one.

Whats a VAR? [/quote]

Are you delaying your exposure?

It's time to break HIM. Expose him to his work and his family. Let them know that he his having an adulterous affair with a married women who now has 4 brokenhearted children at home.

He will throw your WW under the bus. Put as much conflict into the affair as you can and let that POSOM show his true colors... he will run like the coward he really is.

Meanwhile, you are cool, calm and in control like James Bond. Have you noticed how much women love James Bond?

Are you delaying your exposure? [/quote]

No i am composing my self on it. To be honest this is what I am a bit conflicted with. on your side of the argument I see and truly do understand the importance of doing this. For instance On christmas day I was talking to my aunt who we often do large family events with. my wife ran upstairs and when she saw me crying she got real irritated and stormed out of the room. She assumed that I was talking about her and the situation. but in fact I was talking to my aunt about my Mom. (part of my path down to my own problems was the fact I never dealt with the loss of my mother). I was talking with my aunt about my personal growth and the fact that I was ready to let some pain out about my mother. But That is a prime example of how She really fears people knowing what is going on.

on the other side of the story i am a religious man and I do believe God is working in this situation. I can see and feel the guilt building hugely in her. And now that my 10 yo daughter is confronting her(after I told her it was alright forher to talk to mom about her feelings) I know its building even more. So this flip side. and Ill respect your opinion. When pastor/ prayer / etc moves me to let go and put it in Gods Hands to work.. What part of that is letting it go in Gods Hands.?

I love my wife. Even though she does not think that she was enough for me during my dark time. She was.. In fact I truly believe she is in most part how i made it through it. I am willing to do anything to save my marraige I really am. Though she is not in a right place in her head right now she is a remarkable woman.. and I dont want to lose that. Though i have kept calm in this whole situation ( not rising to anger and yelling) It still really hurts. I am trying to be strong for myself and my kids who I am trying to protect as much as possible for the possible outcomes.. So yes.. I am very afraid. I am getting all sorts of advice many conflicting.

I have been to many websites in the last few weeks this is the first one i posted on because I do believe in the commitment of marraige. Love is not mearly an emotion it is a choice to be commited and that takes work. I believe that this site shares that same belief So this is the only place I have posted my story.

Whats a VAR?

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.
John 3:20-21.

So you can see how effective exposure is. She knows it will ruin her affair and she FEARS it. That is a good thing. You have a weapon in your hand to kill the affair and are refusing to use it. Satan wins. The OM wins and the affair wins.

Your marriage loses because you choose to aide and abet the OM and the affair. Your children lose.


Yes, God is working in this situation by sending you to Christians who have saved their own marriages using these tactics. But you are ignoring us. God sent you here and what do you do? Ignore us.

Ephesians 5:11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them;

You participate in the works of darkness by keeping the secrets of the OM and your adulterous wife. You aide and abet the affair.

Your 10 year old daughter is "comforting" your wife for her cruel and adulterous actions? That is very sick, sick, sick. Your daughter is HER victim and you are allowing your child to do this by DECEIVING HER, Sir. That is sick and warped. Your daughter will find out what how you deceived her just so you could enable her selfish, cruel mother. You are teaching that child that dishonesty is acceptable.

We cannot help you if you choose to help the OM and your wayward wife hide their affair.

Nothing we tell you can overcome your behavior, which only serves to enable the works of darkness. We can't help you if you refuse to expose this affair.

No you missunderstood. what i was saying there.. I think my daughter dumbed a huge load of guilt on my wife.. I spoke with her last night because she was the last to fall asleep and she was trying to hold back her tears. I told her it was ok for her to tell mommy what she is feeling and to talk to her about it. She told her mom when she walked through the door that she felt that she was spending too much time away from home. and that she never used to have so many reasons to leave. and that she wanted her to be home. Which my wife did not take well. The only problem is she transfered that guilt on something that I apparently did.. but ohwell the more guilt she feels hopefully she will open her eyes.. That is part of what pulled my head out of my rump..

You are lying to your child about the source of the tension. She will find out eventually that you did that, and it will only teach her that dishonesty is sometimes acceptable.

No.. You are helping alot. I can feel your genuine concern and belief in the strength in marraige. You got to understand that I have been knocked down hard and am finally standing up the other aspects of my life I know with everything I am how to get back on track. I never imagined id have to deal with this. ( part of the reason why i didnt practice the mb steps in preventing this.. I have messed up alot in the last month on so far have only pushed her closer to him.. He is a refugee right now from dealing with what she knows she should be dealing with. I really wish I would have found this site in the beginning.. heck 5 years ago.. I see the truth in these words. In my heart I am feeling that it is what needs to be done. I mean why should I have any sympathy for this dude. I appreciate the scripture i have been trying to back all of my decisions on scripture i am finding that it is lessoning my stupid moves.

Dr Harley is a Christian man, in addition to a clinical psychologist with 40 years experience saving marriages. He has saved thousands of marriages using these tactics. There is nothing conflicting in what he says. We are throwing you a life saver, TeEstimo, if you refuse to accept it there is nothing we can do to help you.

Here is what he says:

No I will talk to them tomorrow. I just want to let them enjoy grandparents coming and celebrating their part of christmas without the lament.

And .. Unfortunately my wife isnt going to hear or reason from anything from me.. I know as my daughter decides to get the courage to be open with her mother about how she feels about what is going on my wife may listen.

No i gathered that from my reading.. and I dont mean i am getting conflicting advice from here.. here most seem on the same page which is good. I am saying from other sources.. the comment that is impacting most against the "letting go in Gods Hand deal" is the point you made.. God led me here...