ready.......lets go to work
thanks

hi
i hope she dosnt move but if she dose and i think she better without me guess im done
thanks

yep you right
huh
we not spittin just yet
thanks

hi
im taking care of no contact
and we talked alot today and her been safewas one of the thing we talked about she knows me very well and she knows she safe from me and she knows i will protect her even if we not together she a great woman
thanks

hi everyone
i have been reading and writing almost all night.learning something i see im not the only one that dont sleep it like there no off switch but also learning thing i should do but it says not to try and put to much on your plate at once so i got what i though might be high on the list and try to do these frist and add to my list as i go need to know what yall think and if my list is close to be right if not tell me what you think should be on top of list thanks to everyone who helps.will be back in bout 2 hours its 6 AM got catch a nap grrrr the list little bit tried LOL NC letter time along together along learn each other top emotional needs be open and honest about everything even little things read up on LB and read everything on this site i can thanks again

tsg, I am glad that you have taken the time to read here, and have decided to respond to everyone.

You don't need to reply to each of us individually, you can just write your comments and answers to questions in one post. If you prefer to post this way, it's okay too.

You are doing the right things by trying to learn how to be a better husband.

You had an affair right? It was with your Ex wife right?

Now, I hope you aren't blaming 2sweet for your Affair. It seems to me that that is what you are doing here. You said that 2sweet left with the girls and that this "friend" helped you out and that is why you had an affair. Well, that's bull. You had an affair because you have weak boundaries around women and you let someone other than your spouse meet your ENs. This is why it is SUPER important not to communicate with your Ex's.

Do you and your Ex wife have any children together(I can't remember, getting old )? If not, I don't see any reason that you need to remain "friends" with her anyways.

Whether 2sweet decides to purchase this house or not, doesn't mean that your marriage is over. There is some MAJOR work that needs to be done on YOUR side of the fence. It'll be up to you to prove that you are worthy of being 2sweet's husband, and 2sweet will make the decision. We (along with Steve)can help you become the husband 2sweet deserves. One that truly makes her happy.

no not blameing 2sweet
and thinks for telling me not to each individually im a one finger typer and it hurting have cut it off with ex i am good to 2sweet and love her very much and i do know how she feel ya been there i wish she had been the one that had the affair it killing me to know i hurt her i almost left town for good yesterday if i do i will never look back because it will be what best for her and my kids you see some how i always F---up any that is good in my life it just my luck thanks for your help

Running away from your problems is the coward's way out. You don't want your children to have a coward for a father do you?

you'll be hurting for a while, because you are going to go through withdrawal. Did you write a No Contact letter? I know that you called OW on Friday, to tell her "good-bye" but it would help 2sweet, and your personal recovery if you wrote a NCL.

Running away from your problems only confirms that 2Sweet is making the right move because you lack the courage to face what you have done and make amends.

Show that you have the courage to live right. Have you PERMANENTLY severed all ties with OW and followed Steve's instructions on the no contact letter to your ex wife?

You have no children with her. No reason to EVER have contact with her. Why has she been so important to you that you would jeopardize your children's home with bringing her into your wife's space, having any relationships with her at all?

Get to the bottom of why. You need to face that.

..... because you are a coward.

You seem almost careless in your attitude toward her pain.

You married a strong, intelligent woman. Do you believe she is so strong that she can just shrug off your betrayal?

Do you really want her to be so immune to that hurt? Are you so consumed by your own pain of consequences YOU BROUGHT ON YOURSELF that you fail to recognize that you continue to hurt her by protecting your affair?

What do you see yourself DOING since you came here that in anyway begins to STOP the HURTING you have been doing?

Wrong.

Your choices have defined who you are.
Not 'luck'.

"Just my luck" is an effort to escape responsibility.

Not here, tsg, not here.

I am sorry I need clarification on a few things (sorry i may have missed this from tsg)

When did you begin your PA with you Exw?

When did you begin you EA with you Exw?

Have you had any other A with anyone?

Did you write a NC letter yet?

What did you say on your NC phone call exactly?

Sorry I am not buying your willingness to win/earn back 2sweet. You have to step it up, you are giving half answers and leaving out too much.

This is why it may be too late for 2sweet. She has been getting the run around from you since march.

Saying �F---up any that is good in my life it just my luck� this is a cowards way out to saying you dont want to work that hard. And luck has nothing to do with why you end up in this situation you bring it upon yourself. Grow up and try everything you can to save your marriage.

I really have much more to say, but I don�t want to get to angry. and would like you to answer the questions above, all of them HONESTLY. I just see a woman that has been fighting for so long and you have done nothing, until maybe you realize it too late.

TSG,

It is very important that you make efforts to make her safe in more ways than just physically. She needs to feel safe emotionally and spiritually.

The truth is, as long as you are not meeting her needs and requests, as long as you are not completely open and honest with her about whatever she needs to know, and as long as she feels you are manipulating her in any way shape or form, she will not feel safe with you.

Can you write out your list of extra-ordinary precautions here so we have an idea of what you are doing in this regard to make her feel safe?

CV

hello scotland
hope you having a good day,i did say though about runnning but i didnt cause what you said is right cowards way.as far as hurting from cutting OW offi dont think so easiest thing im done yet no future there even if me and 2sweet split and the no contact letter is wrote we will mail tomorrow and the only reason im hurting is because i hurt the best lady in the world and trying not to lose her was up till 6 AM reading here and writing NC letter just cant sleep anymore 2 to 3 hours a day
thanks for your help

KaylaAndy and pepperhand
read I THOUGH about it i did not say i did
kaylaandy i have faced what i done and trying to make thing righthave cut ties with OW 2sweet and i will mail NC letter tomorrow if she wants up to her when to mail it .thanks for the help i know most everyone mean well

What are you doing to ensure that you never have contact with POSOW again...besides writing the NC letter?

Please be specific.

look i know this woman you have no idea how strong she is but i do she is stronger more loving and caring than anyboby you will ever meet again she is the best at everything im gald people here are helping her but she strong enough to take me down and everyone here if she needed to like i said she the best at it all and i will be very lucky if i earn her back what i have done to stop her hurting is between me and her ask her if she wants to telkl you thatr great oh it ok to stay on my [censored] i know you trying to help her thanks

Even THINKING about bailing on your family is cowardly and selfish. You aren't really having those thoughts because of what is best for them. You are having those thoughts because it is hard, hard, hard to face up to what you have done, and that alternative seems easier. In some ways it would be - but only for you. And only if you never want to be a better person again.

You keep saying if 2sweet gets the house, it's over. You kinda have it backwards.

If 2sweet DOESN'T get the house, it's over for sure.

Do you really truly think that dear woman will ever heal having to daily walk past the place you played hide-the-salami with another woman??? Sorry, not on this planet. Her love for you - the little that is left - would die very soon, and all hope would be gone.

Maybe you will salvage your M and maybe you won't, but we can help you have the very best chance of recovery. NC is the very first step, and her getting out of a house that is now disgusting to her is very close behind.

If you're serious, keep reading and keep posting. And let 2sweet leave in peace. She's been in this drama for MUCH longer than any woman should be, and it's time for her to be adultery-free.

Once you're adultery-free, too, maybe she will allow you to join her.