You know, it may not be.

My DD is very open about her feelings. She does NOT want to see her parents back together. She has told me that she is happy now that there is "no tension" in the house (STBX was a gaslighter too/I was the fixer too) and now that all my focus is on her and DS, she really enjoys all of our time together.

She also told me she is terrified that I will start dating, meet someone and start acting like STBX

I think with stability and your time & attention, your relationship with your DD will thrive. Please keep us updated!

Exactly!

ASK her.

How old is your DD?

And I guess my point is that I really don't know what my DD wants and I don't know how to get her to speak up. When I ask her she comes across as not knowing herself really.

I won't dispute. I'll study the book...I'll have plenty of time on my hands to get my s*** in order.

DD just turned 16.

The thought just occurred to me that I would love to have my daughter receive letters from other kids of divorce that have a good perspective on the harsh reality of what kids deal with...

Mr Pep developed a very close relationship with our DD by taking her out ALONE for 'dates' about 2-3 times a month.
This payed off.
Later, when she started dating, Mr Pep would take the boy-in-question out for a one-on-one 'date' too. HaHaHa.
DD hated it at the time, but today (age 22) she knows it helped knowing her DAD was looking out for her.

If you want to get to the heart of her heart, ask HER to write a letter(s) to other kids of divorce.
Ask to read it.

Letter written and delivered...

Did you ask her to move out?

Yes, daddy-daughter dates decreased. I am guessing in DD's mind they stopped.

My fault for not keeping up with her needs.

On the flip side we have had a daddy-daughter date day recently that was wonderful - until I dropped her off and went home.

And we had most 3 full days last week together...again wonderful.

Yes

Good. Any response yet?

Yes, lots of texting...lots and lots and lots.

Is she agreeable to moving out? You should know that much by now?

That request has actually not been mentioned by her.

The One is now ordered. Looking forward to reading it.

Hang in there kiddo.
Let me know what you think of the book.

Me saying "You are a renter" is NOT an insult.
We all date as renters. All of us.
The real problems begins when 'madly in love' renters move in together and consider themselves just as committed as married.
They're still renters. They usually remain renters because there is a lack of commitment. They make sacrifices in order to appear committed. The environment gradually deteriorates. More sacrificing is necessary to keep things from becoming ugly.

Live & learn.
Yanno?

Can I be a faux buyer instead of a mere renter?

Just read a bit of the overview thread. It all makes sense to me....

Hello,

My name is Relationship Superman....

...and I am a fool

wow...clarity really can be painful when it comes.

So I was previously married to a freeloader. All I felt like after the first year of that R was a walking paycheck.

Now this wanna-be buyer tried to make things work with a renter that seems to be devolving into a freeloader.

At least I now know exactly what my #1 EN is. Domestic support...mostly in the form of being allowed to sleep.

Another sleepless night. Another winter break party that I wasn't invited to and couldn't attend....because I need sleep to be able to function at WORK...

Not one word from her about anything I wrote in the letter. Well that isn't quite true. I wrote in the letter specifically that I need to be allowed to sleep. That turned into "Me and DD are going to watch a movie". This comes my way at 11:PM. The TV is situated in the front room and every little noise travels down the hallway and into the bedroom.

She knows this and yet....blah

I've not felt so disrespected in years.

She finally appeased me by getting her kids to bed...but it was after mid-night before the voices stopped.

Is it wrong for the one that is the only one working and therefor the only one paying bills to want some decent sleep?

And the blackness of where my mind went as I stared at the ceiling trying to sleep through the late night adventures of the rest of the house...the blackness was not pretty. The petty images that flashed through my mind make me feel ashamed.

I went home yesterday hoping that the letter would have jarred something loose in her head. I don't think she believed me. I don't think she believed that what I had written was what I meant.

I've learned a great deal this time around as I always do. But it really hurts when there is passion and true love involved.

It's too bad that a MB course isn't required to be in a relationship. It should be taught in schools....

So much hardship and pain could be avoided...

And yet, there is still an atom of hope that everything can become good...and atom of hope that everyone involved can get what they need.

Yes, I want my daughter in my life and I still want the love of my life in my life. But what we want and what we must do are of course different sometimes.

And of course I now feel that I am in the position that whatever I say or whatever methods I suggest for recovery would probably be taken as an order or an attack. And I fear that whatever actions she might take to recover would be only to appease me.

Yes, I know I am messed up...haven't slept properly since last week....sigh.