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As far as sleep goes, my H once felt the same as you. He was the "only one working" so he felt that me and the children should let him sleep. Problem was, we had three children born in the span of four years, and I ended up exhausted from not getting more than two hours of sleep at a time for a whole year. And he just let me fall apart. Then complained that the house was dirty and I'd "let myself go"!
While I would agree that you should agree on a decent bedtime that meets everyone's needs, this sleep thing of yours is not the problem. And you know this. You don't have anything to recover here, you are shacked-up daters and this experiment has failed. Get on the moving out stuff. Whose name is the house in? Is it a rental? Can you get off the lease and move yourself?
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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I know the whole sleep thing is a touchy subject. But a person becomes manic when there is zero negotiation...yes another obvious sign that the experiment failed.
Both of us are on the lease...at this moment in time I'm not seeing the options I need to be seeing...
Sigh...
Namaste'
****
My beautiful partner: 45
Her sweet guy(me): 43
Her's: DD 8, DS 10
Mine: DD 10 (suffering PA, rarely with us)
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Go to the owner and ask to be removed from the lease. It's a phone call.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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She won't...especially since she knows I am the one paying the bill.
So why do I still have hope for recovery? Seriously, why?
There are things I can't live with that are going on but I think of why I love this girl and emotional hope survives.
Why?
Namaste'
****
My beautiful partner: 45
Her sweet guy(me): 43
Her's: DD 8, DS 10
Mine: DD 10 (suffering PA, rarely with us)
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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We have already had a few issues with the landlord. I know she will be in financial protection mode.
Namaste'
****
My beautiful partner: 45
Her sweet guy(me): 43
Her's: DD 8, DS 10
Mine: DD 10 (suffering PA, rarely with us)
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A simple "no, and refuse to even try" would suffice. When is the lease up?
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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Namaste'
****
My beautiful partner: 45
Her sweet guy(me): 43
Her's: DD 8, DS 10
Mine: DD 10 (suffering PA, rarely with us)
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what's the penalty for breaking it?
Could you make that up in a couple of months of being in a 2-bedroom instead?
Has your GF said anything about you asking her to move out yet? Have you asked her again?
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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I've been completely ignored about the letter. I did not bring it up because she stayed close to the kids. First time ever I saw her playing kid games. She actually told me she doesn't like to play kid games. She set it up last night so that there could be no discussion.
She doesn't want to discuss. She seems to prefer to ignore and "it will go away".
I am guessing that the penalty for breaking the lease would be the remainder of the lease terms. $7,000 to $8,000. I'd have to look at the lease to be sure. If I stopped paying and moved I am sure I would wind up in court.
I just looked up studio/1 bdrooms and they are out of reach when combined with current rent.
Namaste'
****
My beautiful partner: 45
Her sweet guy(me): 43
Her's: DD 8, DS 10
Mine: DD 10 (suffering PA, rarely with us)
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CMWI, these are good questions, and I am a little discouraged (?) to not see you, GG, brainstorming these options yourself in order to make things right with your DD.
I hope I am wrong, but, it seems like the focus is continuing to remain on the gf...
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I've been completely ignored about the letter. I did not bring it up because she stayed close to the kids. GG, why not tell her you need to talk to her TODAY, take her into the other room and tell her that the relationship is not working and you'd like to put your focus into restoring your relationship with your DD. Tell her she needs to leave. You are paying for everything, she doesn't have to work, she doesn't treat you respectfully and she got your DD to leave...guess what? She doesn't have your best interest in heart and she isn't going to want to leave. Make it clear that she has to.
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brainstorming and thought process require sleep - of which I've not any proper sort. I am now officially manic from sleep deprivation.
Namaste'
****
My beautiful partner: 45
Her sweet guy(me): 43
Her's: DD 8, DS 10
Mine: DD 10 (suffering PA, rarely with us)
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I've already tried to talk with her and I get the standard "I need a timeout" response. There is never any discussion. When I need to try to explain my point of view or my basic needs..."I need a timout" is what I get.
Namaste'
****
My beautiful partner: 45
Her sweet guy(me): 43
Her's: DD 8, DS 10
Mine: DD 10 (suffering PA, rarely with us)
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When I need to try to explain my point of view or my basic needs..."I need a timout" is what I get. YOU: "I've made my decision. We will separate." HER: "But" "Why" "If only" "Time out" YOU: "Nevertheless. I have made my decision. We will separate."
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I've already tried to talk with her and I get the standard "I need a timeout" response. There is never any discussion. When I need to try to explain my point of view or my basic needs..."I need a timout" is what I get. How does that work when two people are on the lease but only one is paying? Can't you have her removed from the lease since she isn't paying? Take her to small claims court, or threaten to if she doesn't move out. Get her out.
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If the GF was his W, I could understand that. They chose not to take that option...don't you feel used to be fully supporting a GF and her kids?
I could see expending all this energy on a marital relationship, but not a dating one where you are clearly being taken advantage of. The best thing to do is undo this situation. I know you want your GF. If you ever want to enter a buyer's agreement, you need to go back to start and make one.
Tell her you are serious about moving out. If you said that and aren't serious, bad boy! Empty threat. Follow through or suffer your foolishness at your child's expense. Why didn't you marry her?
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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"I need a timeout" is a childish but clever game of letting you know she doesn't care what you have to say. After all, she has free rent and doesn't have to work. Nya-nya.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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I have told her that I am serious. Repeatedly. No response.
I didn't marry her because she hasn't made the commitment....I'd be married to her now if I had my way. But as has been pointed out we had only an unspoken renter's agreement.
I will talk to the landlord about having her removed from the lease.
And YES, I feel very used at this point. Very, very used up.
Namaste'
****
My beautiful partner: 45
Her sweet guy(me): 43
Her's: DD 8, DS 10
Mine: DD 10 (suffering PA, rarely with us)
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"I need a timeout" is a childish but clever game of letting you know she doesn't care what you have to say. After all, she has free rent and doesn't have to work. Nya-nya. The sad part is that she acts in the same way her 8 year old acts...she can't tolerate the behavior from her child but can't see that she does it too.
Namaste'
****
My beautiful partner: 45
Her sweet guy(me): 43
Her's: DD 8, DS 10
Mine: DD 10 (suffering PA, rarely with us)
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