Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 15 of 36 1 2 13 14 15 16 17 35 36
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 361
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 361
Planning ... remember: God laughs when we make plans. LOL!

I actually LOVE post holidays. I get totally stressed out before the holidays (never get everything done that I want to do to make it extra special for everyone), and then I get motivated AFTER the holidays to start tackling projects/chores/get organized.

Though, if I keep reading/posting on MBs, I won't get anything done!

Back to triggers, though. I'm really of a mind, that I need to get them under control, and simply seek the hug/kiss/squeeze that I need to get through them. I am going to use a visualization that my therapist gave me: of putting this "bad" book, the one that's filled with bad memories, back on the shelf in a high corner of the bookshelf. And take out a "good" book, one of a recent good memory with FWH.

So ... do you really think you'll write triggers down in a log? Hmmmm. I can't say as I'm disciplined enough!

Cheers,
SP


Me: 47
BH: 48, previously married
Married: Nov. 27, 2004
DDay: Nov. 13, 2010
Kids: stepsons DS17 and DS13
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist&Board=35
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
LOL - Yeah - planning never works out quite right, does it?!

I like your visualization technique. Think I'm gonna steal that one!

I don't know now about logging triggers. You know, it might still be very cathartic, even if I don't share them with H. Getting them out onto paper may help me not dwell.

Have you ever written a long email (or post) and then deleted it accidentally? Then - when you go to rewrite it - you can't think of half of what you said? Sometimes, out of the brain, onto the computer (or paper) frees up the mind!

Just a theory I'm contemplating.


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
And I hear ya about being on here, btw. I'm SUPPOSED to be cleaning house at this very moment!!! :0

Although....I did start exercising again today, so I HAVE done something productive. It wasn't necessarily by choice. My son forget something important at home and I literally had to run it up to school. (I don't have a car today.) LOL


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
One more thought, then off to the kitchen for me....

Constant: I wanted to let you know I have read your last post over several times. I'm going to print it out. It really made me think about love, forgiveness, and even the heart of God as I progress in this recovery journey....

Just wanted to let you know how thought-provoking it truly was to me. Thanks! smile


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Hi Sunny!! Just dropping in to say hey and tell you that was an awesome post to piecesofme! I hope she catches on soon!!

Happy new year, friend! smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Hi Sunny!! Just dropping in to say hey and tell you that was an awesome post to piecesofme! I hope she catches on soon!!

Happy new year, friend! smile

Thanks! I hope she does too! Sometimes people need to understand why they need to act quickly. They're so afraid of "doing something wrong" that they don't do anything - and THAT is more costly than any mistake you can make in a lot of cases!

Maybe I should go back and read the entire thread.

Sometimes people need to be smart and get their ducks in a row (esp. financially). Other times, they need a reason to act - to understand that inaction is costing them precious moments of resolve. I personally believe the greatest influence a BS has is right after admission of the affair or outing of it. Once a WS knows you know - and esp. after they admit to it - you start losing respect that is much needed to motivate a WS to do the right thing!

Happy New Year to you as well! I have a feeling 2012 is going to be GREAT!


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
Quick update...nothing much to report except that things are going well. smile H and I decided to plan a trip for our anniversary! It's this Thursday but we have to wait until the 18th to go. 4 nights away and I can't wait!!!

It's always fun to have something to look forward to.

Lots of need-meeting going on in the Sunny house!
smile


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
Originally Posted by SunnyDinTX
Lots of need-meeting going on in the Sunny house!
smile

dance2


Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by SunnyDinTX
Lots of need-meeting going on in the Sunny house!
smile

GET A ROOM !!!!

Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
Originally Posted by Pepperband
Originally Posted by SunnyDinTX
Lots of need-meeting going on in the Sunny house!
smile

GET A ROOM !!!!

Well...I didn't say it was THAT kind of need-meeting, BUT.... that's workin out pretty well too. LOL
blush


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
Originally Posted by SunnyDinTX
Originally Posted by Pepperband
Originally Posted by SunnyDinTX
Lots of need-meeting going on in the Sunny house!
smile

GET A ROOM !!!!

Well...I didn't say it was THAT kind of need-meeting, BUT.... that's workin out pretty well too. LOL
blush

rotflmao

Hysterical bonding... The contest of champions!



Celtic Voyager
Married 22+ years
3 young adult children


"A story of me"
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352
Hysterical bonding... The contest of champions!

Where the best matches all end in ties!

Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
Originally Posted by NeverGuessed
Hysterical bonding... The contest of champions!

Where the best matches all end in ties!

Yep! Not for lack of trying though!


Celtic Voyager
Married 22+ years
3 young adult children


"A story of me"
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
Ya'll are too funny! smile

Every retort I can think of right now has too much innuendo built in, so I will just refrain.
LOL


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted by SunnyDinTX
so I will just refrain.

nooooooooo

Just do it!

Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
Originally Posted by Pepperband
Originally Posted by SunnyDinTX
so I will just refrain.

nooooooooo

Just do it!

Pep, are you suggesting that hysterical bonding is just about victory and not finding a "new balance"?

Last edited by celticvoyager; 01/10/12 11:12 AM. Reason: erp a derp

Celtic Voyager
Married 22+ years
3 young adult children


"A story of me"
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
SO .... wait.....we're going from Nike to New Balance!!!

HA HA HA!

Where's the drum set icon???

"Just Do It" sounds about right for hysterical bonding!
lol


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
think Hmmmmmmmmmm

Trying to come up with a non-mod-edit way of saying this ......

If memory serves (16 years ago) .....
I decided one way to wipe the memory of OW clean off my husband was to **** those memories clean off.
I went about this task with great gusto and no small amount of sadism. grin

As in .... "Oh yeah? Well, try and ignore THIS, buster!"

It was like stuffing an entire Boston Cream Pie down a diabetic's throat. Followed by a giant 12" chocolate-chip cookie.
"Take THAT!"

rotflmao

I'm certain I could not do that again.
Exhausting.

Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,529
LOL, Pepper! I can sooooo appreciate that! It's like make-up SF amplified 10 times!


"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352
Two things about your post, Pep:

1) Trying to "overload" the husband with massive offers/opportunities for...you know...should be the preferred strategem of women in resolving ANY marital issues caused by husbandly errors, assuming they're physically able to hold up to the...demands.

2) Do you mind if I have my bride contact you for guidance on this while I go spill bleach on her favorite black jeans?

Page 15 of 36 1 2 13 14 15 16 17 35 36

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 296 guests, and 38 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mxwwa, Foolocracy, Gastelumattorney, Demonolatry, Jose E. Martin
71,897 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Question for those who have done coaching
by bestintentions - 11/22/24 02:38 PM
Really Struggling
by BrainHurts - 11/15/24 03:48 PM
20 appointments and $1000’s later…
by IrishGreen - 10/30/24 06:20 PM
Happening again
by jah - 10/29/24 10:00 AM
I grounded my wife - am I proceeding correctly?
by Mature - 10/27/24 02:05 PM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,616
Posts2,323,461
Members71,897
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2024, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5