I was in no shape to decipher lies from facts. Whenever I'd faced strife before the person I turned to for clarity and comfort was my husband. Now, not only couldn't I turn to him, he was the cause for the strife. He wouldn't let up on his line, "You haven't loved me for years." He completely re-wrote our history together. I was in such shock I couldn't understand what he was saying. When I questioned what he was saying, he just became more emphatic about his stance.

I would suggest to those BSs out there who just experienced DD, try not to parse out statements the WS makes, looking for reasons to believe him/her. That's natural because you're looking for the person you love to come back. You'll do just about anything to turn back the clock to find "Normal" again.

Very simply, don't believe what the WS tells you. Assume it's all lies. They're clever and will throw in truths that you know are truths just to throw you off the track. Don't ask for proof, they'll fake it. Don't rely on your past of trust. There is no more trust. Don't try to pin them down.

Then, come back here and read this thread again so you know what they all say and that it is a lie..

How do I start a thread. lol. Just reply to posts???

My H of 14 yrs. started a relationship last late August with a gal from the bank. I found out Jan 5th. We have had issues over lack of sexual fullfillment on his end due to his lack of emotional bonding with me. I wasn't always willing basically. His number one need is sexual fullfillment I now know. He claims he was vulnerable which lead to the affair. I get all that. I guess I could have been just as tempted but hello I didn't go there.
He ended the A. Clean break. It's exposed. Its also exposed to the OW husband and boss so there is accountability on that end. Mt husband seems to not be in withdraw and happily moving on which is interesting. He says he was looking for a way out for awhile. I am trying on one hand to be very cautious and not be too trusting yet for awhile. Why isn't there any advice for betrayed spouses and how to hold it together during recovery of the marriage? I know anger, etc will turn him away. He doesn't want to talk about it,even calmly. He says we need to move forward. I agree but it seems unfair that I was cheated on then have to suck it up for his behalf. Just trying to make sense of it all.