hello
im new to this and am not sure where to start.
some of you have meet my wife on here.i screwed up and she was trying to make thing work but i was to stuipied to do right now she going to move and i dont want her to go.she said that we would keep working on us but i think once she moves out it will be the end of us and we have to small kids i dont want them in a broke homeill try anything
thanks for any help

Welcome to MB, tsg.

You'll need to tell us much more before we can post any advice. What has happened in your marriage? Has one of you had an affair? How have you screwed up? Why has she said she is leaving now? Has she actually left yet?

What is your wife's name on MB?

his wife's posting name is 2sweet.

tsg, you'll need to stay off of your wife's thread so we can help you.

I understand that you have been coaching with Steve. How is that going for you?

Have you read the info on this site? Is there anyway we can help you through anything that you may have questions on.

Welcome tsg, please tell us more so we can help you. Tell us what you are willing to do to get your wife back.

While you're reading here, you may want to search for a thread started by TST, now more affectionately known here as HerPapaBear. HerPapaBear's First Thread

Here are the things succinctly that you need to be prepared to do:
1. Give up on the idea that words mean something. Actions Talk here. And accept that any actions you do from here on out may be too little too late, but you are doing them NOW without delay because it's the right thing to do, not because you think you can win her back. Accept that you may have just done too much damage to hope for that outcome. You want to do the right thing anyway.
2. Dump OW for good. Complete with blunt, terse, direct No Contact Letter. Regardless of whether you win your wife back, THAT WOMAN has caused your wife so much pain that if you were to bring her around your children in the future, you would continue the lie and the insult to her intelligence. Accept that there is no future there with OW.
3. Work with Steve Harley and do every little thing he tells you to do WITHOUT QUESTION.
4. Arrange for a polygraph with the toughest certified and qualified tester you can find.
5. Get your wife to provide four related yes-no questions that the polygraph test will be done by.
6. Get a legally binding, signed post-nup agreement like HerPapaBear provided, with full heart knowing that she could dump you at any time.
7. Get clean and sober from OW, and any other vices you have developed to escape the pain that your past actions cause yourself. No drugs, alcohol or other escapes.
8. Get yourself into the proper support for recovery. Get yourself an accountability person (MALE) who will hold your feet to the fire and see through any bull*hit you try to pull on him, yourself or your wife.
9. Let her follow the Plan B instructions to the letter while you prove you are truly doing the above 8 steps. Do not read her thread. Do not try to manipulate or break Plan B boundaries in any shape or form. You need to hit bottom, HARD and get a full breath of the damage you have done so that you recognize that the above eight steps are not negotiable. Use the intermediary of her choosing fully and compliantly that you can prove you are finally ready to do the right actions and EARN at least a co-parenting relationship with her. Accept that you may never be able to do enough to undo the damage you have done.

You're seeking the wrong help in your thread title. You cannot win her back at this point. Your first priority is to get clear-headed, sober and honest with yourself, Steve and us.

Welcome.
We are glad you have come here.
You can still save the marriage and the family.
It will not be a quick fix. It will be a long haul.
You can redefine to yourself what being a real man is and start walking the walk of a husband and father.
We know it is tough once you have crossed the line in a marriage and been involved in an affair.
First step is end the affair and all contact with the other woman.

We know how wonderful OW seems to you. How 'hot' and 'romantic' it must seem. If you lived with her for years and had kids with her....you would wind up in the same, no make that an even worse stew than any you've been in. She is really not all that. She is playing you for affection and attention.........by offering sex to hook you into giving her even more of the affection and attention (which actually should be aimed at your wife, who would LOVE getting it. LOVE having that energy aimed her way).

KaylaAndy gives great advice in her reply to you.

You CAN save everything.
Again, won't be the easy road or the simple or quick one

but your marriage and your family ARE worth it. Your wife is worth it.

They are truly irreplaceable.

Although you are still under the same roof, please understand -

You have already lost your wife.

You have already lost your marriage.

Your old life is completely, irrevocably over.


What you need is a new life, a new marriage, a new you. I firmly believe you can still salvage this, can heal, can have your children in an intact home. Your best chance of that is to understand how totally you have destroyed EVERYTHING, and to take firm and immediate ACTION to rebuild what you have torn down.

You have already gotten some very excellent advice on how to do that. Every one of those steps is so important, but #1 is always No Contact for life with your OW.

Until you're ready to do that, with no wavering or going back, nothing else you do will help.

Are you ready for NC?

Your silence speaks volumes about your sincerity. My thought was this was your last ditch effort at manipulation.

Are you ready to get to work?

hi
sound like you know 2sweet so ill start with you cause i cant type just 1 finger so maybe i can keep yours short spelling sux to LOL i not sure where she started with this cause we said for now we would not read each other yet im the one had the affair wish i new if she told you how it stared i will later she has been trying to get us back on track but i though she might be playing me my screw up she dose love me but while she was trying i was beening a perfect [censored] now she want to buy a house and move i really dont want her to we have 2 small kids i can take care of them but they need ma and pa if it not to late i told her i do anything she want me to just not sure where to start only got few days to change her mind hate to see her go in debt we own no one and that nice just not sure what move to make thanks ps have not been to her thread we said we do that later in time steve ok ya read lot stuff here thx

Were you sober when you wrote this?

Let me try ......




Are you impaired in any way?
Dyslexic?

Serious? Words. Words. Words.

Have you read the thread I posted about what a REAL remorseful husband does when he gets a clue? I was as hard on TST/HerPapaBear as I'm being on you. Did you read it?

What actions have you taken today?

No contact letter written?

OW out of your life, FOREVER, no matter what? Bridge burned, Boats burned, no going back done forever?

What actions have you taken to insure that?

Are you ready for the lie detector test?

I think she needs to move. You told her that you thought that when she moved, you'd be DONE. Is that still the case?

It's easy, stop cheating on your wife and maybe she won't be so ready to leave you.

Wow, what a concept, huh.

Hopefully, your wife can finally get some peace when she moves out. The ridiculous drama that you are causing is, surely, not good for her health.

hello
thanks for the rewrite and yes i was very sober and no not impaired just dont read or write very well.told wife (2sweet)bout rewrite it was good for a laugh that was nice to see.we talk alot today and i think she going to wait on buying house igot a few thing i got to do to get this but that ok.told her talk to other woman few days ago to cut thing off forever whew OW gave me good cussing .im gald told wife i would write no contact letter for her to mail too. but i have a ? been thinking about the rewirte you did for me i do thank you for the help but now im thinking maybe she be better off without meshe smart collage grad.make a ton of money she needs someone better than me i dont want to lose her but would she be better off i want what best for her and just to reasurre you there will be no contact with other person even if we dont stay together

TSG,

What can we do to help you? What are you looking for?

What actions are you taking to assure 2s that you are going to be safe to be around?

CV

hi
im still new to this but i will try and answer anyone who trying to help me and again i cant type and dont write very wellbut here gose what happen some 9 mts.ago wife (2sweet)on here was beening told i was doing somethings that i wasnt doing which she found out later all was lies but anyway i come home one day and house was about empty wife and kids gone she had takein my babys and would not tell me where they are i lost it it toke me little over two weeks to find them this is where the affair the OW was a friend to me she keep me from going crazy while i looked for my kids and at that time all i wanted was my kids and away from my wife cause she stole the kids if i had ever ever though we be back together there would have never ever been and affair.but there was and we found out what she though was not true and i want my wife and kids and me together.

hi check reply to sugarcane and im going to do what ever i have to to keep my wife(2sweet)we talk alot today and i think she may stay a little longer but i got to give her a few thingsand that ok i want to think everyone that know her and has helped her on here and thanks all of you for trying to help me

hi
thanks for the advice and should not have said win her back but earn her back and thank everyone for the help

hi
hope you are right hope i can save it and a little hard work never killed anyone get things back on track there be some fun times to .and all contact with OW has been takein care of.thank you for the advice and help

hi
yes the NC has been done
thanks for advice and help
everyone in here seem to be nice and want to help