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tsg, we are trying to help her by helping you.
There are reasons we ask the things that we do in the way that we do them. There are things we wish to learn from YOU about what you are thinking.
Why do you believe that if she were to move out that would be the end of your marriage? Did you ever bring OW to that home? Do you see how that would harm her? That would happen over and over again.
Unless you are safe for her(I do mean emotionally safe, if you were physically harmful I would advise her to seek immediate help to stay away from you), we are going to help her in every way we can. Most of the people posting to you and to your wife are and were betrayed wives. We would be the best people to understand what she is going through and how to best help her get where she needs to be.
I understand that you are not a quick typist, we are all showing you respect in that and patience. We still need to help you this way, as we have no other. Take the time, read the posts. If something about them makes you angry, look inside YOURSELF to figure out why.
Keep reading here, it will help you.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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i talk to her and told her how important my wife and kids are no one in here knows everything that happen and that ok i still screwed up but she will leave me alone so i guess next ? is what will i do for 2sweet what ever it take and if she still leaves she knows where to go if she ever needs anything she is the mother of my children will always love her and no one will ever hurt her
me - WH 50
wife - BS 44
2 children
dday - 3/21/2011
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no one in here knows everything that happen Even without being there, I'll bet 95% of us could give you a transcript of just about everything that has gone on. I wish I could say it's because we're just that good. Really, it's because adultery, and people who commit adultery, are just so predictable. Even you. It's how we can help you, even though we don't know you from Adam.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 01/02/12 09:37 PM. Reason: TOS personal attack - BE NICE!!
me - WH 50
wife - BS 44
2 children
dday - 3/21/2011
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Was that directed at me? You are funny.  Stick around, kid. You've got lots to learn, but you've come to the right place to learn it. We can help you work to save your marriage, but at the end of the day it all comes down to.... you.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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See - that's more like what I expect THE ACTIONS are really like. You are still giving lip service to any signals of swearing off OW/XW. See - I see contempt for your wife in your actions. I see you despise her strength and think you can outsmart her and still keep your relationship with this woman you ascribe to having soooo much goodness and nobility (YOUR EXWIFE - NOT your current wife) that you will miss so unbearably much who happens to despise your wife worse than you do. You talk about how strong she is, but you treat her like you can break her down if you just keep wearing at it. That's why she needs a separate house so that you can see that she's losing love for you like a person bleeds when an artery is severed. You're nearly out of time. Not out of time before she moves out. Out of time before she gets fed up and files for divorce. Biting at Pep or anyone else here trying to help you get on track to do the right things will get you well-deserved silence from the rest of us.
Last edited by MBSeasons; 01/03/12 05:44 AM. Reason: Removing quote
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Not every man can pack so much charm into so few words. Color me "impressed". tl
Last edited by MBSeasons; 01/03/12 05:45 AM. Reason: Removing quote
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Ok... one more time: TSG,
It is very important that you make efforts to make her safe in more ways than just physically. She needs to feel safe emotionally and spiritually.
The truth is, as long as you are not meeting her needs and requests, as long as you are not completely open and honest with her about whatever she needs to know, and as long as she feels you are manipulating her in any way shape or form, she will not feel safe with you.
Can you write out your list of extra-ordinary precautions here so we have an idea of what you are doing in this regard to make her feel safe?
CV Just an fyi... Name calling and such on the list isn't very nice and really shows your heart. Please refrain from it (name calling). Everyone here is wanting to help you, none of us are paid for it, and we have your best interest at heart. CV
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good morning
OW DID NOT COME HERE
yes i am safe for her in every way yes i know that i was beeing mean before but sometimes you learn.we talk about this and she knows she safe.i have been reading alot of this had bout 4 hours sleep last 2 days i also realize some while we talked i lied about all this wait let me explain i hate a lie i dont lie im to old and always said you dont want the ture dont ask what the hell happen to me i told her she ever hear me lie again please leave i will treet her like a queen the rest of her life if i get the chance she is the best woman in any way you can think in this world .why do i think it over if she moves it not to be a smarta-- it is because i will set her free so she can have someone better than me i do love her
me - WH 50
wife - BS 44
2 children
dday - 3/21/2011
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while we talked i lied about all this wait let me explain what did you lie about? you didnt answer my basic questions either --they were yes and no and dates. can you answer those?
Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
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good morning
OW DID NOT COME HERE
yes i am safe for her in every way yes i know that i was beeing mean before but sometimes you learn.we talk about this and she knows she safe.i have been reading alot of this had bout 4 hours sleep last 2 days i also realize some while we talked i lied about all this wait let me explain i hate a lie i dont lie im to old and always said you dont want the ture dont ask what the hell happen to me i told her she ever hear me lie again please leave i will treet her like a queen the rest of her life if i get the chance she is the best woman in any way you can think in this world .why do i think it over if she moves it not to be a smarta-- it is because i will set her free so she can have someone better than me i do love her TSG, Please explain to us *how* you are safe for her in every way? How does she know she is safe? What did you lie about? I'm sorry, to me this is still wayward fog-babble. This smacks of promises without actions. Can you list out your extra-ordinary precautions?
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Was that directed at me? You are funny. Stick around, kid. You've got lots to learn, but you've come to the right place to learn it. We can help you work to save your marriage, but at the end of the day it all comes down to.... you. tsg, Neak's a sharp cookie and is one of our best posters. You're lucky she's good-humored and saw your post for what is was. She could have just signed off on your thread, and then you would have one less seasoned poster ready to help you. You'll do well to apologize for your immature comment to her. Then shut up and listen. You've got a ways to go, friend.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Good morning, Mr. 2sweet.
What are your plans for today, toward recovering your marriage? What are you actually going to do?
Talk is worth less than the paper it isn't printed on. Actions are where you need to focus your attention.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Was that directed at me? You are funny. Stick around, kid. You've got lots to learn, but you've come to the right place to learn it. We can help you work to save your marriage, but at the end of the day it all comes down to.... you. Although I didn't see the post before it was edited, I am quite certain it was directed at ME. Just shows the "safety" that 2Sweet is dealing with. Talk is cheap.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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tsg,
are you willing to do WHATEVER it takes?
or not?
This is your choice to make, and you will have to live with the result.
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no it was not you are one of the people im trying to listen toosorry for misunderstanding
me - WH 50
wife - BS 44
2 children
dday - 3/21/2011
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this was not at you sorry you though it was will have to lookback to see what there name was when any of yall would right me something they would just have a 3 or 4 SA comment about it no i thank the ones trying to help me
me - WH 50
wife - BS 44
2 children
dday - 3/21/2011
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i hate to harp, and this is the last time i will- some serious vets are here to help you and they are trying but you are not say or doing anything, but babble.
can you answer ANY or the questions below, you have not answered one yet, how is anyone going to help you save your marriage?
When did you begin your PA with you Exw?
When did you begin you EA with you Exw?
Have you had any other A with anyone?
Did you write a NC letter yet?
What did you say on your NC phone call exactly?
Can you write out your list of extra-ordinary precautions here
so we have an idea of what you are doing in this regard to make her feel safe?
What are you doing to ensure that you never have contact with POSOW again...besides writing the NC letter?
Why do you believe that if she were to move out that would be the end of your marriage?
Did you ever bring OW to that home?
Do you see how that would harm her?
Please explain to us *how* you are safe for her in every way?
How does she know she is safe?
What did you lie about?
What are your plans for today, toward recovering your marriage?
What are you actually going to do?
are you willing to do WHATEVER it takes? or not?
Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
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hey chick did not mean to over look you but been just a little busy and i right now im very tried as in like 4 hours sleep going on 3 days my typeing little slow but i will with in the hour answer all and i will have somethind to say to everyone who trying to help thanks everyone for the help oh and it ok to hafr[p bit-- and raise h--l at me i do know most everyoned yry tlo tell m,e som,e thing
me - WH 50
wife - BS 44
2 children
dday - 3/21/2011
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Oh we arent afraid to raise hell, tsg Its for your own good after all! We support your mariage. We just hope you do too.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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