Honestly I don't know her top 5 EN anymore. I know it's not affection or conversation.

Pre-A? Convo and Affec are 2 of the 4 ENs that lead to romantic love. Those are good ones to focus on. I doubt SF is on the table, but small jokes may be able to slide in there every once in a while. Most waywards soak up admiration. I think it's part and parcel for them. Rec Com, try to do things as a family. Invite her, even if she refuses, you take the kidlets.

I know how hard it is to face this. I know what it is like. In some ways, it is easier to have the WS out of the house while you Plan A and in others it is more difficult. When the WS is out of the house, the opportunities are vast, but you don't get any alone time.

Does your WW ever call you? Do you always answer? When she texts, do you answer right away?

We eat together on a regular basis. WW calls me and texts me. I joke with her a lot, but it's not like we used to joke. We don't laugh as much. I think I have her interest at best. She told me on Christmas that she thinks about coming back every day. I just didn't read into it because she knows the door is open, but it won't be easy to fix our marriage. I invite her to do things as a family all the time. I got a long hug today. I so needed it, but I didn't let her know that. I long for affection. I crave it so much. It's like we're opposites. I need affection, but she doesn't.

Actually, it's quite normal for spouses to have differing ENs as their top 5.

I am glad that you laugh with her. WHen you talk to her, who initiates the hang up? I would suggest that you try to leave her wanting more. Maybe, right after she laughs, you make up a reason that you need to go, like "Oh gosh, look at the time, gotta jet. Talk to ya later." Then hang up. Plan A with no expectations, but do this so she may wonder what you have to do, and it leaves her with a hole that you didn't completely fill.

That's a great suggestion. Some times I don't answer on purpose and then call back a few minutes later. When she left tonight my 8 year old asked if we were getting back together. I said that would be great, but WW didn't say anything. I got another hug before she left. I thanked her for hanging out and that was that. She also thanked me and I said any time.

I will bet you her ENs are
conversation
affection
financial support
openess and honesty
family commitment

You are thinking that just cause she is not talking with you, it isn't one of her needs. Nope. She is getting that conversation and affection from OM.
You are still giving her financial support and family commitment and mostly openess and honesty.

Though you think she is different than other women....probably not. She just presents to you differently. Aim for those ENs most women have and you will probably hit the target (whether you believe it or not).

Aim for others if too....what the heck.....be physically attractive to her. Be offering her recreational companionship, etc.

Aim for the usual big five with women though....whether you believe your WW is a typical woman or not (I have absorbed that you think she is different....so don't remind me...lol). Just aim for the five. You trying to meet them WILL sink in to her soul though you may not notice in Plan A.

This is the first year since 1997 that I didn't bring in the new year with my WW. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but it hurt not spending it with her.

I know what you mean. It hurts less the more time that goes by. Hang tough.

WW invited me to do something with her this weekend. Not sure what to do with her, but it's a start. We haven't done anything alone in a while.

Sounds good go for it don't talk affair, relationship, use it to show it's fun to spend time with you, equals lovebank deposits.

Can you verify NC?

I can't verify NC. I was told that the OM and his W took a vacation to go visit family. The OMW is now claiming I bugged her phone and hacked her computer even though I've never seen her personally. She's fighting for her marriage. I'm highly doubtful that there's a future for WW and OM. Not that there ever was one. OMs unit is disbanding as well so he will be transferring soon to another duty station. I don't have any expectations, but I'm still doing Plan A as best I can. I got the biggest hug from WW last night and a kiss on the cheek. I just have to keep showing what a catch I am. Hopefully WW will see it soon.

Who told you that?

It seems an odd thing for her to say, unless OM is really pulling one over on her and trying to save his career. I guess it doesn't really matter unless you get dragged into it by command.

Thing about emails is that just because it says OMW is logged on does not mean that OMW is the one that is logged on. This can be the OM trying to scare you off or stir up trouble some way.

I was told by a member of the command that OMW realizes what she is losing and she is believing the crap coming out of POSOMs mouth. I have stepped back in regards to the investigation so that I can maintain the credibility I have left. I've noticed a change in WWs behavior and I just focus on being me and a good father to my children. When the opportunity comes for me to Plan A, I take it. WW hops on the computer every night finding answers to the game she plays to pass time.

I need to figure out what WW and I can do this weekend to have some fun. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but I guess I want the setting to be right.

Are you close to a MWR sight?

If not, go to your local MRW area and see if they have any discount tickets to something fun: opera, beach, bowling, dancing, etc.

Hot balloon ride
horse back riding

Are you close to a major city ... see what they have happening for festivals or carnivals

What active things did the two of you enjoy while dating? Try to avoid spending the evening sitting at a table in a restaurant. Going out to eat is a good start, but move on to something active, like bowling.

Avoid relationship talk! If she starts (and she will, because it's the elephant in the living room) distract her. You want the date to be FUN. That's another reason why you don't want to sit at dinner too long - you'll wander to the affair, etc, as a main topic.

I remember going to a carnival, a pier where they have restaurants, going to house parties, dinner, etc...we spent a lot of time traveling back and forth because I lived over 2 hours away. We were both under the age of 21 so we didn't drink. I am having a hard time remembering what else we did. I guess that's bad.

I won't be discussing the affair at all. It won't do any good. I haven't brought it up for several weeks now. I just want to try to have a pleasant time. Bowling sounds fun, but I think WW might want to watch a movie or something. I don't like movies for dates because there's no connection being made. Oh I just remembered, we would play miniature golf too. Maybe I'll suggest that.

I specifically did not suggest a movie for a reason. Watching a movie is a solitary pursuit. Do something fun that requires interaction.

My mind must not be working right. We live close to the beach and I can't even think of things to do besides your bowling suggestion and the miniature golf idea.

If the beach you're near is any kind of tourist destination, there will be activities geared for bored children/rainy day activities. Here are some we've done on our beach vacations:

Pack a picnic lunch and eat on the beach (nothing romantic, just fun)

Fish off the pier

Art museum

Play pool

Walk the beach and look for interesting 'found' items: washed-up shells, bleached-out sticks, interesting flotsam. Put them in a bucket. You can take these home and put them in a glass jar for display. I once found a cool stick that had been bleached out by the sun and water. I took it home and displayed it on our mantel. I don't care if it sounds flaky. Consider doing it anyway.

Go to the ice cream store after your beach walk and get a couple of cones. Don't share.

Window-shop the outlet stores. Buy something little.

Poke around a bookstore. Look at travel books - if you could pick one place in the world to visit, where would it be? Flip through travel books to find that place and look at the photos.

Walk the mall. Check out any store either of you is interested in. Don't split up and go to separate stores.

These are a few ideas I would be interested in doing. Come up with some of your own, or feel free to steal mine