There really isn't much else to say. I did Plan A and I am good at it, but I don't want to anymore. I don't think I want her anymore after learning that she keeps bouncing around trying to fill some void. By the time she is done I will be left overs. I'm nobody's last option. I wanted so bad for our marriage to work like everyone here. I have drawn my line in the sand and I'm done with watching this train wreck. She called me a little bit ago and started talking nonsense. Of course I wouldn't engage in it, but her views are a lot different than mine. She likes to throw these jabs at me to hurt me so she can feel better about herself.

She started saying she never had a connection with me. I wasn't ambitious in my career. I was boring. I know these things are not true so I didn't bother trying to reason with her. I have always been ranked number one amongst my peers in my career. I may have lost some motivation because of her, but I'm still good at what I do. She tried to tell me to deploy so we could spend time apart and save money to pay off bills. I said and then what? She didn't have the answer. I'm not stupid. I'm much smarter than she thinks I am.

Oh and she said she regrets asking me to do something on Saturday. She didn't know what she was thinking because she thought maybe something might be there, but she was wrong.

Anyway, I think I will read the recovery section. I need it.

It's just part of the game, if that is of any consolation. She has to make you look bad to make her own actions look good.

You did good by not engaging. Something along the lines of "I'm sorry that your adultery has you so upset, but I'm not going to let you drag me into an argument over it" can also diffuse.

Refresh my memory--have you actually filed for a divorce already?

I did file. I know she is saying the wayward stuff. I just don't want to deal with her lack of morals and boundaries anymore. Four guys in 2 and a half years is too much for me. I don't know that she has slept with the other two, but I'm at the point where I just need to move on. She thinks the kids don't understand what's happening and that they will be ok. She's so wrong. She said she doesn't believe in love anymore. Whatever!

Your WW is attempting to rewrite your history together. Don't be fooled or swayed by this. It is all a game on the part of the WS to wear you down. Hard as it is to hear them speak that babble, it is just words and their words are meaningless at this point.

What's the status on it?

I don't blame you for wanting to escape from some of the drama for a while. It's gets to be too much sometimes.

Me: 35 You are young enough to start over with another woman

WW: 33 There are enough good years left in her to make recovery worth it

Married 13 years

Kids: 3 (DD 13, DS,11, DS8): 3 BIG motivators to fight the best you can

PA began July 2011
D-Day# 1: Sept 2011

D-Day# 2: Nov 2011: So you've been plan A'ing for two months and want to be a quiter? Doc H originally said 6 months to plan A. Doc has since said that women should not plan A as long as men because the toll is to hard on them.

So the question is how hard is your iron and how sound is your oak?

WW's will continually say things to discourage the BH from fighting. You need to find a way to man up and let her remarks roll off your back.

Six months because plan A needs time to work. Thing is after 6 months plan A may not work. Then it will be time for plan B. See another option of fighting to use before plan D. Sort of like Muhammad Ali's rope a dope.

So if you can stick it out you still will be at plan B. Now then what's the difference.

Now only you know how much abuse you can take. So if you need to go to plan B now then do it. However they say a good plan A makes a plan B more effective.

The status of the divorce is this: I served her the papers and then received a rejection notice because the court thought I sent in a copy of the proof of service of summons. I took that as a sign that I shouldn't file, but then the hits kept coming. I've been in Plan A since September. I could go on for months if I needed to, but don't feel the need to anymore. My thought is this; I will continue the divorce and pay the minimum I have to pay and when I run across WW I'll be nice. Other than that, there's nothing left to do. She doesn't listen to the kids or me. She thinks they don't understand. She says I'm trying to look like the good guy by telling the kids I want to work it out.

Maybe you should sit down the kids and tell them that your wife their mother still wants to be in contact with other men and that is not something that is acceptable or respectable thing to do when one is married.
Tell them until she decides to stop that behavior the two of you will have to be separated, that it is a choice on her part and that she is aware of the consequences and accepts the fall out.......
Then you plan for you and your children's lives the best way you can with them in mind, staying cordial with your WW for the children's sake, when she goes on about not wanting the marriage or you, agree with her, sooner or later she will have nothing left to say except she will be moving on to have the single life she seems to want so desperately.......
I would draw the line in the sand. A little shock treatment is what she needs.....
You are very young and able to start again with a relationship you don't have to watch to keep on track, someone you can trust and depend on......
Send her off with a Plan B letter and see what happens when reality hits her......You right now are filling some needs for her when that stops she may realize what you actually bring to her life..............
Until she is gone from the life she has known it won't hit her..........
It will also protect you from anymore stress and anquish knowing what she is doing..........

I've already talked to the kids. My youngest doesn't understand why WW won't come back. None of us do really. I am working on cutting all ties so she can realize what she's done and continues to do. She says she's happy on her own because she doesn't have to answer to anyone. She doesn't have to check in with anyone. She said she hated when I would text her about what I was doing. Why couldn't I just wait til I got home to tell her stuff...blah blah blah. She also said I wanted to spend too much time together and she should just be able to go where she wants and come back when she wants. She hates giving attention and holding me. It never felt natural and she felt fake. It's not who she is. Yet she can give the kids that same attention. She says it's becauses she has a connection with them. I should say "had". She blames me for DS 11 not talking to her. I said I didn't do that, you did.

She says she's happy on her own because she doesn't have to answer to anyone. She doesn't have to check in with anyone. She said she hated when I would text her about what I was doing..She also said I wanted to spend too much time together and she should just be able to go where she wants and come back when she wants. She hates giving attention and holding me. It never felt natural and she felt fake. It's not who she is.

What a mess she is making of her life! In a year, GJM, you will be well quit of her toxic being. Head up, take the long view, and tend to your remaining family.

I mailed back the proof of service of summons today. The divorce is going forward. To my surprise WW still wants to do something on Saturday.

Not to my surprise.

She's just trying a new angle since you didn't engage when she threw all that fogbabble on you earlier. What she'll do now is be nice and then, when you (rightfully so) decline her invitation on Saturday based on her earlier comments, she can then say that you're a jerk, that she tried to reach out to you but you cruelly shot her down. Thus, she can justify her behavior.

It's up to you, but if you do anything on Saturday do it with zero expectations.

I'd keep the date, IF you want to pursue that. If you have decided to divorce, I wouldn't give her the time of day.

I don't think she wants to end her relationship with you. I think she's still foggy and is still trying to stay at the wheel, driving your marriage. Don't let her take control.

I think I will because I'm curious to see how it goes.

Be sure yo ukeep a VAR with you though.

Good idea.

She'll probably cancel anyways.

Ok I'll have one. Not sure what it will do, but I'll be on the safe side.

It'll stop her making any wild accusations. Some of the more vicious WWs like to claim that the BS is abusing them if things keep not going their way.

Look up PSUBIKER. His XWW made baseless claims like that and he was put out of his home.

Lucky for me she moved out. We'll be in a public setting so I don't think she will be that crazy.