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Marriage Builders Forums Infidelity Surviving an Affair Both of us at fault

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Re: Both of us at fault Phoenix20 #2581975 01/06/12 02:01 PM
Joined: Jan 2012 Posts: 94 Ohio P Phoenix20 Member
Phoenix20 Member P Joined: Jan 2012 Posts: 94 Ohio	I feel like I can finally start trusting her again. I don't think me beating her lies out of her will help. Im not faultless in life. I just want my new begining to start now. Married in 2004 Seperated (but living at home) on May 15, 2012 3 Kids with my wife 1 kid before I met my wife Her EA 11/2011 I am in recovery for a sexual addiction (pornography and talking to other girls inappropriately)

Re: Both of us at fault Phoenix20 #2581976 01/06/12 02:09 PM
Joined: Jan 2012 Posts: 94 Ohio P Phoenix20 Member
Phoenix20 Member P Joined: Jan 2012 Posts: 94 Ohio	Im trying to refresh my screen but to recap my conversation with her best friend. Essentially my wife ended things via email on Dec 28 with the account she created. Married in 2004 Seperated (but living at home) on May 15, 2012 3 Kids with my wife 1 kid before I met my wife Her EA 11/2011 I am in recovery for a sexual addiction (pornography and talking to other girls inappropriately)

Re: Both of us at fault Phoenix20 #2581986 01/06/12 02:42 PM
Joined: May 2009 Posts: 2,708 Our Planet Earth (small world!... R reading Member
reading Member R Joined: May 2009 Posts: 2,708 Our Planet Earth (small world!...	If you trust her any time soon.....you are just delaying the inevitable worsening of the marriage. It is a cop out to feel better temporarily. You must not trust her. Sorry. That is the fact. She can earn your trust over time with constant vigilance on your part. The game was changed on you. You are not in the marriage you have thought you were in. Sure, you have not been perfect in the marriage. Who ever, ever, ever has been really? If you choose to trust her. Know it is not wise. Know she is not reliable. Her friend in not reliable. Only actual documented facts are. You only get those with investigation that is not proclaimed to your wayward wife and her circle of people.

Re: Both of us at fault reading #2581987 01/06/12 02:52 PM
Joined: Jan 2012 Posts: 94 Ohio P Phoenix20 Member
Phoenix20 Member P Joined: Jan 2012 Posts: 94 Ohio	So I called my wife to tell her that I know she emailed (OM) on Dec 28 to end things. She blew up in my face and yelled at me and told me she can't life her life under a microscope any more and is leaving tonight and for a few days to stay at her mom's house. I wanted this to be a huge breakthrough for us, but the whole time she just threw it back in my face. Not sure I did the right thing. I had to know it was over, I told her I wanted to make it something we did together. Now...she hates me. She is so mad. I feel like I screwed up again. :-( Married in 2004 Seperated (but living at home) on May 15, 2012 3 Kids with my wife 1 kid before I met my wife Her EA 11/2011 I am in recovery for a sexual addiction (pornography and talking to other girls inappropriately)

Re: Both of us at fault Phoenix20 #2581992 01/06/12 03:00 PM
Joined: Jan 2012 Posts: 94 Ohio P Phoenix20 Member
Phoenix20 Member P Joined: Jan 2012 Posts: 94 Ohio	Oh and that I am emotionally abusive because I keep asking and brining it up. I just wanted the lies to end so we could draw a line in the sand and move on...I am scared that I just pushed her away even more and she is going to go back to (OM) Married in 2004 Seperated (but living at home) on May 15, 2012 3 Kids with my wife 1 kid before I met my wife Her EA 11/2011 I am in recovery for a sexual addiction (pornography and talking to other girls inappropriately)

Re: Both of us at fault Phoenix20 #2581995 01/06/12 03:10 PM
Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp P Pepperband Member
Pepperband Member P Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp	What's your PLAN ? LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders

Re: Both of us at fault Phoenix20 #2581996 01/06/12 03:12 PM
Joined: Sep 2011 Posts: 270 NY Tri-State Area C comedytragedy Member
comedytragedy Member C Joined: Sep 2011 Posts: 270 NY Tri-State Area	She's gaslighting you! How dare she blow up at you for confronting her. When I was still in touch with POSOM and my husband found out, he was furious. I didn't dare do anything but beg him not to kick me out. Let her leave and she'll see what a mistake she's making. You did NOT screw up. She is manipulating you! Let her go back to OM and she'll soon realize what a loser he is. My BH almost dropped me off at my POSOM's apt. to get it through my thick head that he's a POS. Let her find out for herself. Worry about your kids and take care of yourself. I know it's easier said than done. Mr. W?? Your thoughts?? Me: WW41 Hubby: BH40...My Amazing forgiving man (CharpyTest) DD: 8 DS: 8 DD: 6 EA/PA: 3 years May 25, 2011 (Formal NC letter sent)

Re: Both of us at fault comedytragedy #2581999 01/06/12 03:19 PM
Joined: Jan 2012 Posts: 94 Ohio P Phoenix20 Member
Phoenix20 Member P Joined: Jan 2012 Posts: 94 Ohio	Im not sure what my plan is...I wanted to be happy for this but she says she doesn't care anymore. I have 4 kids and the thought of telling them that mommy and daddy aren't together breaks my heart to pieces. I will be getting home at 6... I could either play sympathetic and try to get her to stay...or just be hard to tell her she isn't welcome for all the lies and the way she treats me. ????? I have no idea. I just feel so hurt all over again. I just wanted the lies to stop. Married in 2004 Seperated (but living at home) on May 15, 2012 3 Kids with my wife 1 kid before I met my wife Her EA 11/2011 I am in recovery for a sexual addiction (pornography and talking to other girls inappropriately)

Re: Both of us at fault Phoenix20 #2582019 01/06/12 03:47 PM
Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp P Pepperband Member
Pepperband Member P Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp	Originally Posted by Dasamary Im not sure what my plan is...I wanted to be happy for this but she says she doesn't care anymore. I have 4 kids and the thought of telling them that mommy and daddy aren't together breaks my heart to pieces. I will be getting home at 6... I could either play sympathetic and try to get her to stay...or just be hard to tell her she isn't welcome for all the lies and the way she treats me. ????? I have no idea. I just feel so hurt all over again. I just wanted the lies to stop. MB is all about "plans". Have your read SAA? LINK to bookstore In the meanwhile .... for a condensed version of "Plan A" .... click the carrot/stick link in my sig line. ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT PLAN A .... rather than blogging "She said" and "She did" and "What if?". REPEAT .... ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT PLAN A. Plan A will empower you !!!!!!!!!! Plan A gives you direction. Plan A requires you control yourself. LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders

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