So you ADMIT you know he would end your marriage and you intend on tricking him into staying married to you? That is about as cruel and manipulatve as it gets. You DENY your H the right to make the decision whether or not he stays married to a cheater.

You are DANGEROUS. Anyone who would trick someone into staying married to her is cruel and vicious.

Why are we "judgemental?" You are supposed to JUDGE right from wrong, Madam. Your inability to judge right from wrong is what led to your affair. Our prisons are full of people who cannot judge right from wrong and is right where they belong.

Is your adultery partner married too? Does he have children?

I know I did something very stupid. And yes, he is married with kids.

Want a smarter 2012?

Buy SAA LINK to bookstore.

Have you been tested for STDs?

Goldi~

It will mean the end of your family if you DON'T tell him. A lie will erode any possible chance of real intimacy between you and your husband. I am a FWW [former wayward wife] myself, so I'm telling you this from the same side of the equation that you are on -- I am exercising judgement about something that I have insight into -- My affair was in 2005 -- my husband and I recovered our marriage and couldn't be happier together than we are today. That would not be true without honesty. It really is the only way, Goldi.

Goldi, if you didn't have all the facts about your life, would that be okay? Let's say your husband had a 5 year affair and decided that he just couldn't tell you because you might choose to divorce him if you knew. Wouldn't that be tricking you into staying married to him? Wouldn't you deserve the right to make the choice about whether or not you wanted to stay married to someone who cheated on you for 5 years? You would have a right to all the facts about your life, wouldn't you? If you weren't given all the facts in order to make an informed choice, well that would mean you were being treated like a pet, wouldn't it? How is your husband any different?

Goldi -- No one ever regrets doing the right thing.

Mrs. W

Amen, sista'

Nothing you all can say will hurt as much as what I am putting myself through.

We're not trying to hurt you.
We are trying to educate you.

Again, Goldilocks, I strongly suggest that you watch that video (both Pepperband and I have posted it), READ Dr. Harley's entire section of articles on how to get OUT of this, and only THEN come back and post.

The back and forth posting at this point will not help you until you read, and I want to see you helped.

Nobody is trying to hurt you, and nobody wants you to hurt, but the road that you have placed yourself on HURTS. We would like to see you move forward in a productive direction to stop the hurting for everybody.

Please stop thinking about yourself, it's these selfish thoughts that got you where you are.

Think about your husband he deserves to know and so does the OMW, she has the right to know that her husband is a cheater.

You will not get any other advice on here and you will NOT move on and achieve anything positive until you tell you H and OMW. The sooner you accept this the better.

I feel telling him would only mean putting what happened onto him too- why hurt him too?

You walk about hating yourself right now.
What husband deserves such a wife?

Goldi~

You are not the victim here. Self pity won't help you, and it certainly won't help your husband.

There is great empowerment in taking responsibility for your choices. After all, you can't very well take credit for the good things, if you don't own up to and make amends for the bad things, right? "The truth will set you free" isn't just a cute saying, it is a fact.

Mrs. W

That ship has sailed, Goldi -- You have already hurt him -- just because you haven't been honest about it yet, doesn't mean it hasn't happened. It has. Now you must be honest and make amends.

Mrs. W

You already hurt him he just isn't aware yet and you will carry on hurting him by not telling him.

Do you want a marriage that is built on lies and secrets or do you want a marriage where your open and honest with each other and are truly in love?


I personally rather risk divorce than be in a marriage where there are secret and lies.

Goldilocks, please stop talking and start listening. You need to review the plan here (from Dr. Harley) before you go on.

You have already hurt him. He has a severe wound he has not felt, yet.

Would you like help to minimize the pain?

Ever ripped off a bandaid?

So there are many other victims in all this besides your husband? How will your husband and his wife protect themselves and your children from you and the OM if they don't know what you have done to them?

You are DANGEROUS and they must know what you are so they can take cover.

Goldi~

I would very much appreciate it if you would answer these questions from a previous post of mine:


Thank you in advance.

Mrs. W

You already hurt him. You hurt him by crawling into the pig pen with some other woman's husband. You make amends by telling the truth. You don't make amends by compounding the crime and decieving your victim.