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I do appreciate everyone's advice. Thank you to everyone who has tried to help. I don't understand why I would need to tell my kids. What good would that do??? Kids know. They already know something isn't right. You're behaving differently even though you don't believe that. They may well be trying to figure out what it is that THEY are doing wrong, that things seem 'weird' about you. Kids will blame themselves when their parents are behaving differently than they normally do. They can sense a veil of dishonesty when it falls over their family. And they will assume it has something to do with them. Don't set them up for this.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I will post my ?s for you again: [I have amended the "5 years" part -- though it doesn't matter -- cheating for 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 years, etc is ALL still cheating...and still requires the same thing: HONESTY!]
I am also posting a follow up question to your "of course not" answer to my first question.
* Goldi, if you didn't have all the facts about your life, would that be okay? Goldi's answer = Of course not!
Follow up: * Then why is it okay for your husband not to have all the facts about his life? Because I do know my hubby, he would not be able to handle the information. He has always been very jealous and accused me of cheating on him when I never had before.
* Let's say your husband had an affair and decided that he just couldn't tell you because you might choose to divorce him if you knew. Wouldn't that be tricking you into staying married to him? I wouldn't say it would 'tricking' me into staying married to him.
* Wouldn't you deserve the right to make the choice about whether or not you wanted to stay married to someone who cheated on you? Probably so.
* You would have a right to all the facts about your life, wouldn't you? Yes
* If you weren't given all the facts in order to make an informed choice, well that would mean you were being treated like a pet, wouldn't it? A pet? I don't think so. I know my husband...
* How is your husband any different? I need to think about this...we do need to address issues in our marriage. He would blow up if he knew what happened...he gets upset if he sees another man even speak to me. He tells me my jeans look like they are too tempting..REALLY! He tells me if I wear my perfume to work "Don't be surprised if so and so thinks it's for them" He thinks I encourage attention from men when I absolutely do not! This would send him over the edge.
Mrs. W
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Gee, you had an affair and you think he has no right to be suspicious?
You DID encourage attention from a man!
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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We've been married 30 YEARS and not until now! And this guy told me everything I wanted to hear...everything I don't hear from my hubby. He is a player, and knew how to keep me going. Moving from chatting to emails and IM to texting and phone calls, when he knew I was only interested in chatting. He played me...sadly. But he was good at it...
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We've been married 30 YEARS and not until now! And this guy told me everything I wanted to hear...everything I don't hear from my hubby. He is a player, and knew how to keep me going. Moving from chatting to emails and IM to texting and phone calls, when he knew I was only interested in chatting. He played me...sadly. But he was good at it... You must NOT have sex with your husband until you've been tested and you know the results. You may lie your way out of certain things, but STDs are not so easily lied about.
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Okay, I got the message Pepperband ty...
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By the way ..... throwing your husband's character under the bus the same week you've defiled your body with OM is not very attractive.
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Okay, I got the message Pepperband ty... Have you? I've been married 30 years too.
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Well, that's what I've been living with all these years.
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Gold you are CHOOSING to live like this. No one is making you lie and deceive your H.
How many people are posting on your thread all telling you the SAME thing, some of the posters are BS others are former WS and all have had to go through making impossibly hard decisions about their marriage and life and are in a better place than you are because they are doing the right things.
And no matter HOW bad your marriage has been cheating is never going to improve it.
Can you really live with hiding this secret from your H for the rest of your married life? Really can you?
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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[
Follow up: * Then why is it okay for your husband not to have all the facts about his life? Because I do know my hubby, he would not be able to handle the information. He has always been very jealous and accused me of cheating on him when I never had before. Again, you are the last person to decide what your H can or "can't handle." Does the rapist decide what is good for the rape victim? Of course not. What he can't handle are your lies and your adultery. And he was RIGHT to be jealous and accuse you of cheating. YOU ARE A CHEATER!! DUH!! EARTH TO GOLDILOCKS!  You are trying to tell us it is bad to accuse you of adultery but ok for you to commit adultery. Do you see how silly that is?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Goldilocks,
I would encourage you to read the forums posts here on MB, doing so is what turned my marriage around, you will hit upon more than a few WW threads like your own, and more than a few BH threads that will sound like they were written by your H.
I think doing so will make what posters are telling you here seem obvious.
God Bless
Gamma
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Well, that's what I've been living with all these years. And he is living with a lying, cheating adulterer. It doesn't get any worse than that.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Hi Goldilocks. It took me 1 and a half years to confess my "meaningless", "brief", "drunk" one night stand to my husband. In the meantime I got entrenched in emotional affair and he got involved in a physical affair and a one night stand. Trust me, the pain of what happened after my unconfessed sin I wouldnt wish upon anyone. Please save yourself the heartache and come clean now, the consequences of unconfessed sin are devastating.
Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)
He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11
Recovering MB Online!
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...I am so very sorry I did what I did. You are not sorry, you just feel guilty. As you should. And you will continue to feel guilty until you make this right. Committing adultery is bad enough, but conniving to deceive and defraud your husband only compounds the crime. A person who is truly remorseful makes amends. There are no amends here, just a plan to continue to deceive your husband. So what did you want from us? Support to decieve your husband? That is not "support" and you won't find that kind of "help" here. The unrepentant wayward wives hang out on gloryb.com with all the other OW.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Okay, I got the message Pepperband ty... Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) Chlamydia Gonorrhea Hepatitis, Viral Herpes, Genital HIV/AIDS Human Papillomavirus (HPV) Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) Syphilis Trichomoniasis Other STDs
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And if you have contracted any of those, HIV included, he's going to think something's amiss when you start spending $50k+ a year just on medication!
He WILL find out one way or another and I am SURE he would rather find it out from you...instead of, say, the neighbor or someone who saw you with OM, or someone else...
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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