DO NOT play baseball in your town. Period. No excuses. The affair will be rekindeled EVERYTIME they see one another. Submit proof of the affair and Little League or whatever organization can transfer your kids. If you want a mental health breakdown, play ball with OW kids. Folks on this forum told me the same thing and I thought we could handle it, I was deado wrong and MISERABLE. The OW pranced around the field liked she owned it, not a care in the world and everyone knew she was sleeping with my husband. I am getting sick just thinking of last season!

It's a small community we live in, and we could definately play in town. My H is the "star" coach of the baseball and pee wee football teams. So we would all be miserable in this situation. His friends live out here, he deer and turkey hunts out here. He really doesn't want to move.
We spoke with his Uncle, who is a pastor, and tried to give us some spiritual advice last night, but again, I felt as if his EA was turned around on me, as if what he claims my constant "bitching" and "complaining" are the reason he started confiding, or escaping to the OW.
I'm sick and tired of being made to look as if this is all my fault, b/c I had EA 5 years ago, that he apparently hasn't forgiven me for.
Let me give an example: He went deer hunting this morning. He usually leaves the house around 6:00. He most always comes home around 10:00 or so. This afternoon he didn't get home until 1:30. He called at 9:00, said he'd killed a deer, and had a friend coming to help him load it up, skin it for the meat, and another friend (co-worker) wanted the deer meat to take to get processed. So, probably around 1:00, I sent him a text that said...."Seriously, it doesn't take four hours to skin a deer. I'm not griping, but I don't understand why you're not home yet. The boys (our kids), are asking me every ten minutes when you will be home. Please try to text and check in with me"
That was the text I sent him, and about 20-30minutes later he came home after I sent the text.
When he walked inside, I ask him if he got my text, he said no, and had in his hand something I had ask him to run by the dollar store to get.
As soon as I started to confront him (I was shaking I was furious), he got mad at me for as he calls "bitching" at him. I knew that he would be leaving in another hour or two to go deer hunting again this afternoon with our oldest son. So basically, he's not spent any time with me today. I've spent most of the day, cleaning the house, doing laundry, etc.....just to keep my mind off things.
I'm going crazy here, he seems sincere about working on the marriage, and we both came up with one thing we needed from each other that we were lacking. From him, I need him to just spend some time everyday talking to me. From me, he needs me to quit the bitching and griping.
I didn't hold up to my end of the bargain. Is it wrong of me not to trust him this quickly? It's only been ten days since the confrontation of the A. Please help with me meeting his emotional needs. I've read the emotional needs stuff, but I'm having a hard time getting over the anger, that he did this to our family.
He's also, let the finances go as well, which is a whole another story.....I could go on forever............

I see some red flags here... Maybe it's just me...

1. You could have sent you son with him this morning and ensured there was continued NC.
2. It would have freed him to spend time with you in the afternoon and avoided the complaining he hates so much
3. 10 days after Dday? He shouldn't be going out unsupervised yet. He needs to establish a track record first and earn some trust there.

10 days in is a drop in the bucket. You are in for a roller coaster of emotions and so is he if he is sincerely repentant..

He's always gone hunting by himself in the mornings. It was 20 degrees this past Saturday morning, so he wouldn't let my older son go with him. He usually takes him, but he's been texting this OW before with my 9 year old in the deer stand sitting right beside him, and he can read, which is the bad thing about it.
What worries me, is that he didn't come home until 1:30 that afternoon, when it's usually around 10:00 or so. He didn't call, text, etc.....and my kids were asking every ten minutes where he was at, and when he would be home.
We had a very "confrontational" talk with his Uncle, who is a pastor, and made the decision not to point fingers, or back one another into a corner with our anger/hurt towards each other.
Of course, when he got home at 1:30, of course, I lit into him, and broke my end of the bargain. So yesterday, we went to church, out to eat for lunch, and I didn't mention anything yesterday about the situation. We watched a movie last night together. However, I feel like he "thinks" he's gotten away with it. He gets very uneasy when I bring up the situation. I feel like things are in limbo.....just not sure where to go from here....

"Not bitching and griping" is NOT and EN. What does your husband want you to DO?

Not "not do". Those are LBs you should stop, but that doesn't mean never saying anything when he does something thoughtless like stay out three hours longer than expected.

He doesn't retain the right to live in that town or take off hunting since he mucked it all up with an affair. You need to toughen up, or you will find yourself right back in this spot.

Yes, I do feel like I need to "toughen up". Really, truth be said, I want him to move out for a while. I don't exactly have alot of extra cash lying around to take legal action. He won't do it on his own. Of course, our boys, ages 9, and 4, are watching and listening to everything we do/say. They know something's up. The nine year old hasn't asked.
I'm tired of it being turned around on me, as if I'm the sole reason he decided to start confiding in this OW.
How do I toughen up?

Ya know, we may very well need another Board here on MB - "Just Wanna Complain" - for people like yourself who come here NOT to take advice, but just let us know you're not happy.

If memory serves:

• You continue to delude yourself that after months of existence, and hundreds of texts/calls, this was merely an EA.
• You decline to perform a fully comprehensive exposure.
• You are committed to having POSWH continue to be the "star" baseball and football coach (of OW's children?) rather than blow up his fantasy of being a "good dad". (Hint: He's NOT!)
• You give credence to HIS Uncle/Pastor, who says you should accomodate his infidelities, or at least not make trouble over them. (BTW: What religion is it that is so accepting of adultery?)
• You prefer not to acknowledge exactly where he was, and what (and who) he was doing in the 3.5 missing hours after supposedly hunting. (Hint: He most likely bagged his limit!)

When you want to get truly serious about repairing your marriage, you'll understand how feckless your current position is!

OR, I see things getting worse here instead of better because you have no plan. You have driven your husband out of the marriage with your constant criticisms and he had an affair because he has shabby boundaries around women.

If you want your H to want to prefer your company to that of the deer in the woods, then you have to be more pleasant than the DEER. And so far you are not! I would prefer the deer too!

How about lets put a plan together for you and your husband that will change your marriage?

First off - TODAY - stop your angry outbursts and stop your criticizing. It is destroying your marriage. No one wants to live with a hot head. Do you think any man would have ever married you if you had angry outbursts and constantly criticized them? No, they would not. So you have to think back to how you behaved when you were dating to learn how to be pleasant again.

I would forgo "counseling." It is destructive to marriages. They don't have the slightest idea how to save marriages, free or not. Instead, go online and get these 3 books:

1. Surviving an Affair
2. Lovebusters
3. Five Steps to Romantic Love workbook

When you get the workbook, tear out the undivided attention worksheet in the back and make copies of it. Sit down with your husband and work out a weekly schedule of 20+ hours per week of UNDIVIDED ATTENTION meeting these top 4 needs: affection, conversation, rec companionship and sexual fulfillment. That means without friends, children or TV.

Go out on DATES where you get dressed up and look great. Four four hour dates per week and the rest of the time can be scheduled for doing your lessons at home. START YOUR LESSSONS IN THE LOVEBUSTERS BOOK, MOST ESPECIALLY THE ANGRY OUTBURSTS AND DISRESPECTFUL JUDGEMENTS. You need to stop making those lovebusters NOW.

A good way to start this off is to get away for a romantic weekend alone.

Devote 4 hours per week to going through the lessons as outlined in these books. Start with Lovebusters and then move onto Surviving an Affair. There are lessons and worksheets in the workbook.

The goal here is to create romantic love in your marriage. If you follow this program to the letter, you can transform your marriage. Otherwise, you will be stuck with a crippled marriage that is worse than your pre-affair marriage.

Have you told the kids about his affair?