Listen, he has already shown he will not do it on his own.

Don't be stupid.

So...

No NC letter.

No commitment to NC - he is waiting for OW to do this part????

No EPs implemented yet.

You don't have the passwords to the email/FB account.

She is still a FB friend I assume since you didn't answer?

I will also assume that you haven't put a VAR/GPS in the car and are "trusting" him to do what is right.

This isn't any different than where you were before. Sorry to say.

I am getting frustrated and will let the others help you or come back when you are serious about implementing the many things I have already posted to you.

Good luck with Plan Susie.

Plan Susie = Plan Enable Affair Going Underground

Susie,

Every wayward, including myself, that doesn't write a N/C Letter is still making contact an option.

I kept up the game of NOT writing the N/c Letter right up to the point that two months later, I was back in the same affair again.

Waywards are liars!
Waywards are CONS
Waywards will treat the BS like a doormat for as long as the BS is willing to be a doormat.

I nearly destroyed my wife with all my lies and games.

Why would you want a husband that isn't remorseful for what he has done? A N/C Letter is a BARE MINIMUM step on his part and he's bulking at that..... good grief, you deserve so much more!

He MUST write a N/C Letter regardless of whether she writes one or not..... It's an act of repentance and surrender.

Thus far your H is NOT sweetly broken, nor is he wholly surrendered.

I'll post to you what my wife required of ME before she would even consider speaking to me again.

This is the list my wife gave to me;

Why would you accept less than my wife asked of me?

Are you not worth it?

{{{{{{{{{{Susie}}}}}}}}}}}

Praying for you to see that you are a Daughter of the King!

A King would not ask His Daughter to cower to an adulterer.

That about sums it up.

Susie, quit asking and start telling him to end the affair or else you're out of there. Aren't you tired of this yet? You have more power and control than you think.

Hi Susie, You are doing a good job for the most part but you need to be more firm. Like a 1000% more Continue exposing (do your children know?) until that affair is dead and buried. I will tell you from experience, that OW will do anything in her power to keep YOUR HUSBAND! Once NC is established, then the real work can begin! You can do this! Marriages that survive are the ones where the BS does A LOT of work in the front end. (like exposure far and wide!)

Good point, CaliSun.

Susie- just notice how much head way you made with the effort you've done so far. Now imagine what you can accomplish by making an even larger push. You've got nothing to lose here and everything to gain.

Susie, do you understand that every single poster who has posted to you wants one thing, a recovered and SAFE marriage between you and your WH. There is only one effective way to do that and that is by using the MB tools.

Full exposure, NC letter, etc.

I don't want you to come back in a few weeks/months/years etc and say, "You guys were right, he was still having an affair." This HURTS to read. We don't want you to go through anymore than you already have gone through. Don't you want the same for yourself?

He is not ready to recover with you.

If you don't believe us, why don't you have a phone session with The Coaching center and see what they suggest for you and your WH?

And he just...couldn't...quite...make...that...break.
Susie, alcoholics who have been on a destructive bender may come to and swear, though their hangover, that they will never, ever touch another drop.

Then a little time goes by, the hangover becomes just a distant memory, and they figure a little bit won't hurt. Next thing you know, they're sliding onto a barstool and telling the bartender to leave the bottle with them.

Your WH may sound as sincere as an innocent child right now. And he may think he really means it. To honor this transient feeling is to misunderstand the nature of an addiction. You absolutely must put solid EPs in place to protect your marriage from further assault. You can't depend on your addicted husband to refrain from his addiction.

No Contact FOR LIFE is the first step. Continued contact = continued affair. Please understand this!

Why are you worried about satisfying us? Worry about your family.

If we are right, then you are wrong.

I assume you are familiar with the Bible. Remember when Joshua led the Israelites into the Promised Land. God told them to destroy every living thing in the conquered cities. This must have seemed harsh to them and seemed like overkill, so there were some cities that they did not do this to.

Well, guess what. Throughout their history they paid for this because the sin that they left and did not destroy infected them.

There is no halfway. There is no remnant that can be left.

The affair must be destroyed completely. You have barely grazed it. It is just a small scratch that makes them uncomfortable for a while. It needs a deathblow.

You need to decide if you want your husbands position and career and whatever that brings or do you want a real marriage. It may come to that.

The life and marriage you had is over. Sorry to be blunt, but it is gone. You have to decide what you want the future to be. With a new, fulfilling marriage, a farce of a marriage (like now) or no marriage.

The path you are on now negates the first one.

Seriously Susie,

Enough with calling exposure "naming and shaming"

Do you think your the only one on this site that loves her WS?
We all loved our WS but that didn't mean we were willing to let them abuse our marriage and keep quiet about it for their sake as much as ours.

And you don't have any psychic powers you dont know who will do the best job at reaching out to your husband through his fog that's why MB reccomends exposure to EVERYONE. Many people on here had to learn that lesson the hard way as people they thought would influence their H (like inlaws etc) failed miserably and people that they thought couldn't do anything actually helped brake the affair.

If someone was robbing your house and you knew who that person was would you struggle this much with telling everyone who the thief is???

The answer is NO. The OW is robbing your home so hurry up already and expose. I did it, many other MBers did it, it's the BEST way to burst the fantasy your helping your WH and his OW carry on living in.

His job, your job, your humiliation, embarrassment and his shame are not more important than your marriage. If you think they are do yourself a favour now and file for a Divorce as there is no hope.


Oh and PS. DON'T BELEIVE anything that comes out of a Waywards mouth, unless you know for a FACT verified independently that you H boss was a Wayward and wouldn't care about exposure as he has cheated himself then don't discount him as an exposure target. There is a whole thread entitled don't BELEIVE anything a Wayward says. Just cause your H is being honest about hurtful things does not mean he is honest about everything.

Susie,
Here�s why your WH doesn�t want to write a NC letter.

1) NC letter will expose all of the lies that he told OW either about him, you, you both and the lies about the state of your marriage. She will go ballistic and expose details that he has not revealed to you. This is terrifying to him.

2) NC letter will expose all of the lies that he has and is telling you right now. This is terrifying to him.

3) NC letter will cut his ties to OW. This is terrifying to him.

4) NC will make him look like a scumbag to OW. This is terrifying to him.



See the pattern here? IT IS ALL ABOUT HIM. Not you, not OW, but HIM. Yet, far more attention to OW�s feelings toward him than yours. HE doesn�t want to face the lies he has told to an entire network of family, friends and co-workers. HE is protecting himself. That is why he is (cough) waiting for OW to go NC �on her own�.

Trust that what he is doing here is this:

1) Hoping and praying that his last �speech� to OW is about how he is a piece-of-crap, that he made a such a mistake, he�s sorry, he never meant to hurt her, that he loves his family, that she (OW) deserves so much better than him�and how special she is.

2) Hoping and praying that OW just �calls it quits� and goes away quietly as �her decision�.

3) Hoping and praying that his martyr position with OW will keep the door open with her. See, they are soooo special together, but he needs to do the right thing and try to make his marriage work, because he�s such a good guy. And, she needs to just move on and find a guy who is worthy of her. They have each other hook/line/sinker for future �touching base�. Door is wide open, and she will consume his thoughts endlessly. Sure, you�ll have good days/weeks/months. But, the door is wide open. The romantic end stamps that in cement.

4) Hoping and praying that OW reads between the lines...he still loves her.

See the pattern here? Where are YOU in this Lifetime movie?
I�m sorry if this is a hurtful reality, but it IS reality. This will be your future, my friend. Your WH is manipulating you and OW.

Do you really want to be in that same category? Trust that you are, in his eyes. He is in self-protection mode, and you are feeding right into it, just like OW.

Think about that while you continue your �negotiations�.

PLEASE heed the advice you are getting.

As Scotland or Pepperband said, the advice is to try so desperately to help you avoid more pain.

I have never been able to understand what is shameful about the truth. It would be shameful to lie about your husband, or call him obscene names. But shameful to ask for support when something bad has happened to you? To ask them to HELP your husband and your marriage? To stop the attackers? Who hurt you daily?

Personally I think it is more shameful when the fear of embarassment and your husband's wayward anger take precedent over asking for help while your marriage sinks.




The OW doesnt drive the recovery bus. YOU do. Stop dodging this responsibility.



The wayward doesnt drive the recovery bus YOU do.

So the two drunk adicts got a bad hangover and felt bad for a bit so they said, Susie, can we drive the recovery bus?, we promise we wont crash it and you said, YES?



They are addicts. Withdrawal is painful. They WILL NOT do it voluntarily. Not with you stood there enabling them to carry on as they are.

Take the drugs away. Kill the A.

EXPOSE - That is STEP ONE!

Then you must insist on an NC letter. His saying he is 'close' is like saying 'Im just gonna have one more drink before AA, hon'

His saying the OW will 'do' NC for him, is TOTAL fog babble. She does not care. Her parents dont know for a start and she wants YOUR h. Plus, even if she dumped him tonight, he has chosen not to dump her, not to write the letter that chooses you over her.

It is such a basic step towards healing you and he cant be bothered, because he is too busy shooting up with the OW, and you are too scared to tell her mommy in case people judge you.

Are you not worth a bit more than that?