oh and do i send it under my real facebook or a fake one? I was only able to view OW facebook because i created a fake account since she blocked me. I am not able to view any of her friends, but can see her couple recent wall posts, which is how i found this guy. I know that she was talking to a guy from the same town as him, but as i said i do not know for sure if they are dating. Should I send a message asking if they are dating before i send the letter?

so i went a ahead and sent a quick message to the potential BF to find out if he is dating OW, sent from fake account. I don't want to send this letter to the wrong person, so will verify first...

I'm not an expert on these kinds of letters, nor am I a native English speaker. There are Sample letters on this website, thoug, but I don't know where.
You should try to keep the letter as short and businesslike as you can, lest you make the impression that you are a bitter, vengeful person.

You have a mission, you need concrete help. Period.

Here is what I would change:



I am sorry that I have to write to you under these circumstances, but I wanted to inform you that xxxxxx, the woman you are dating, has been having an affair with my husband for the past 18 months and only recently the ties have begun to sever due to my diligence and physical evidence of the affair. I have obtained graphic photos of xxxxxx that she sent to my husband over a year ago, as well as graphic photos of them together. According to public records xxxxx was married during most of the affair, and xxxxx knowingly had physical and emotional contact with my husband and she did know he was married the entire time. I have already been tested for STD's and if you have had unprotected sexual contact with xxxxxx I suggest you get tested as well. I am a mother of two small children and our children need their father in their life and xxxxx, has proven she not only has little concern for her own family, but certainly does not care about my children. I do not know how serious a relationship you are in with XXXXX, but if you continue to see her, My husband and I, are in the process of healing our marriage. If you are in contact with xxx it would be very helpful if you use your influence with her to get her to stop contacting my husband. I have indisputable evidence, if you should want to verify this.

Just my two cents.

Happyheart

Are you in healing just yet? I don't have the entire thread in mind. If you are not, you may write something like:

For our marriage to heal it is important that .... etc

Most my family is telling me to get the D. Will this subside? What can I do? I have told them many details of the A. Everyone says wh won't change. I too, am uncertain he will but, need to give him a second chance. How do I deal with hostile relatives?

so we told WH parents, which i am unsure if that helped the situation or not, but it is done....I am so irritated, somehow he found the software i installed on his phone. I almost lost it today because he uninstalled it. He has also stopped carrying his phone when he goes out of the house. I told him that i didn't like it, but guess what he is at the gas station now without his phone..I found a way i could see numbers he had saved, etc, and guess what? He had saved a fake text number on the day he stayed at the hotel and deleted it 4 days later(as her fake name that i had ....So guess that means that he had contact with her. I questioned him about it, but didn't reveal my sources and of course he is denying. I am so friggin sick of this stuff. His dad pretty much sided with him and in his broken english told me that we have to stay together because of the kids, and that i need to control my temper. I just want to scream! I have been controling my temper! They dont want to see my real temper...So what is my next step? VAR? WH left the house a few days ago and drove pretty close to OW house(GPS) and the bags were put in the BACK.

So he's still lying to you. I would suggest you pack his bags and tell him to get out.

Wh parents just left 2 days ago and now things are getting worse by the minute. He discovered the spyware on the phone, deleted it, discovered some random ap i was using gps and deleted it. He said he wanted a D, because I wasn't good to his parents. I was not a great hostess, but wasn't mean to them, just sat in my room most of the visit. Anyway. I still have a few spy gadgets going for me. One source revealed he was searching an online matriomony site, omg, who is this man I married?? He also changed the password so I can't see the cell phone bill anymore online, but I got around that, and I am still able to view it, but he doesn't know. I mean at what point am I suppose to throw in the towel? He has talked to my uncle about the A and his parents and a few friends, but now all he keeps saying is that our marriage has been horrible, he told his parents we fight all the time, which we don't. He is so rewriting our marital history to see what he wants. He told me yesterday he wants to move out for a couple months to decide what he wants to do, (if he wants to stay in the marriage or not) I convinced him to stay in the house for a trial period, and we aren't going to talk about the problems during this time. I threw all the marriage books I got in the trash when he said he wanted the d, and he got them out along with a few other choice items i threw away. But I have asked him to read the book with me the whole past month and he just said it was too boring. I keep trying everything and I am just running out of drive to want to stay in this marriage. He told me he won't change for me, he wants me to change, but doesn't want to change himself. He refuses counseling for himself or for the marriage. I can't keep at this with someone who isn't even willing to try to work it out. I think we are headed to Seperation and I know the day he walks out, is the day I know I will not give him another chance. If he can do such horrid things living under the same roof as me, I can only imagine what he will do out on his own. The proof is in the pudding, he is already trolling for another wife! I have just come to the conclusion he is mentally disturbed. What kind of person take 6 months to break up with the OW and block her number, yet is ready to throw in the towel and divorce his wife of 6 years and mother of his children and block her number! Just in a couple months??? It is just not right.

This affair has been exposed, right? Have you a week or so for a solid Plan A, and then enter Plan B.

Here is what you do.
Be a super wonderful wife, the ultimate you that you can be. Give it your best KNOWING you will get nothing good in return. Be lovely and be a good housewife and be interested in him and prepare to go to plan B. Don't tell him you are preparing. Talk to lawyers on the phone about perhaps filing a legal separation in your state. Decide which lawyers are the ones you communicate best with. Don't tell him about the snooping venues you have left.
Expect him to be rude, to try to pick fights but do not take the bait.
Once you have an intermediary to handle things between the two of you, you write a plan B letter and release him to the universe.
Then, maybe he will get his act together and maybe he will go to town with the other women and you will disconnect and see what you are made of. Probably surprise yourself a lot with the strength you have.
Then, you move onward. Either meeting him as partners in the future or not.
If he doesn't come back to reconsile for real with you on your terms, you can D him. A year from now. Two years from now. Your choice.

If he files for D from you........you still get to decide when to cut the line with him. Your choice.

i think it doesn't matter what i do...I was super cool the past couple days, cleaned, gave him space, talked to him calmly about the kids, separation, even gave him sex though i felt so cold doing so, and took the kids out last night to give him alone time. Guess what my spyware revealed? He was watching porn, but not before signing up for another dating site and chatting with tons of women the whole time we were gone. This morning I asked him where we stood, the chance he might want to work this out? 5%, so i asked him if we were going to be able to date and looked him straight in the eye and he said no he hasn't chatted, or texted, or talked to any other women, and he lied just like that...IT IS NOT THE LTA, it is very obvious he is a sex addict and probably NPD and I cannot do this anymore. He also changed his password to his phone so i cannot get on it at all now. I tell him i want him to leave he says it is is his house. I am going to meet with a lawyer this week, i cannot do this anymore, he keeps saying he neds time etc and etc, and I am like wh? to line somoeone else up and if he doesn't find anyone better than he will come back to me? This is just so sick. I told him a D may take a year or two I want to start it now if he is done so I can get my life together and start moving in the right direction of being alone, i don't want him to string me along. Oh and thiese dating sites he is talking about all this personal stuf, our kids, his peending accident settlemen, his work, it is just wo freaking sick.

I will not tolerate (behavior) in my life.


I will make necessary changes to protect myself.


I have started making necessary changes to protect myself.


I am getting my life together.


I am moving to make necessary changes in my life.


I am certain I will not tolerate lies and deception in my marriage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Can you see the difference between talking tough and actually changing?

Do not make threats or propose that WH change.

Announce that you ARE changing YOURSELF.
And, leave it at that.

If WH wants to be a part of your new life, he will need to make changes to catch up to you and your stronger more self assured ways.

"I think I can make XYZ change" ... is weak.
"I am making the following changes" ... is strong.

Stop telling WH what you "cannot do".
Instead, DO strong bold self assured and self protective actions.

Just as we always tell the waywards "Your actions speak loudly. Your words mean nothing." The same goes for the betrayed. Actions speak.

Be bold.
Strong.
Self confident.
Don't talk.
Take action.

You are wrong.
What you do changes YOU.

You cannot change WH.
Change yourself.

Your family wants you to protect yourself. Why should that subside?
If they see you taking self protective actions, they will be supportive.


He might.
He might not.
It is entirely up to WH.
You could dance the dance of the seven veils naked on top of the HOPE DIAMOND .... and WH might not change.



WH might not change until he experiences painful consequences.
Never stand between a wayward and his/her consequences.
Pain is good for them.
Pain is motivating.


They are not hostile.
They have a protective point of view.
Here is how you deal with them.

"I can see how much my loss and my pain troubles you. I want to thank you for your support and your caring. Please, pray for my marriage as you pray for my well-being."

That's it !!!!
Then, hug that person.

PS

If you say the following to a wayward mind ....

"I am giving you a second chance."

This is what they hear ......

"I am giving you permission and extended time to mess around."

Hurt,

So sorry you are here.... I think it is time to pack his bags and change the locks. See what he does when he see's you are serious. I get the feeling, he is not afraid of you leaving....Way wards think this sometimes. Show him you are taking you life back.

EGG ZAK LEE

You don't "tell him".
You show him.
You lead by example.

Hurt.....

Start today. Show him you will not be treated like this any more!! You can do it.

Hurt,

How are things? Has your husband left the house yet?

just wanted to give everyone the update. Much has unfolded the past couple months since I last posted. A couple weeks after my last update here, Wh and I had gone a couple dates , were really going to try and make it work, well that just all blew up in our faces. His back and forth banter and secrecy drove the wedges further. He was suppose to read a chapter in a book and straight lied to me about it. I was very angry. We had another big blow up.

Then sometime between november 8 and december 8 he contacted OW again. She had come to his work a couple time for car service and he did not tell me until I confronted him about the texting and in person meetup. I was beyond livid. Come to find out he said we were 'done' yet again. but he still wanted to keep me just in cace I suppose. I guess OW has moved on and threw Wh to the curb at least for now, she has some new BF and wants nothing to do with wh.

SO in steps some more lies, Wh buys a new tv, at this point (mid december) we both decided that he will move out after the holidays. He tells me the tv costs 700$ later I find out it was over 1000$.

well december 16 changed everything. WH told me he was going out with a male coworker, and well things just didn't seem right. He seemed sad, almost didn't go and I told him go and have fun with his friend. Well I checked his GPS on his phone and he was at a restaurant and later relocated to a bar on the wrong side of town from his story. So I did something haste, I went up there and found his car, go in to the bar and find him with a new OW, we'll call her #2 for now. I blew up on him, told him i never want to see him again. Me and the kids stayed at a family members house that night.

So it was decided he would move out. He got a little apartment and last night was the first night he stayed there. I told him I still love him, but I will not continue to live a life of lies and that is that. It is hard, but I must protect myself and live life for myself and the kids. I got on Ad's a few weeks ago.