I installed a key logger 2 weeks ago - I swear to God - my gut told me to.. nothing.

So did this just start about 2-3 weeks ago?

Also you never answered about the email, do you have his login information on that?

Does he see this woman at work daily? Weekly?

Sounds like the start of an EA but it's hard to know without more info. It's good news that she is married.

I would try to figure out a way to get spy ware on his phone and I would get a VAR installed in the car.

Sorry you are going thru this!

I don't have access to his work email - personal yes, nothing on that.
Maybe sees this woman weekly but I think her office is very near his...

If his company owns the phone (and he doesn't own the company), and he handles confidential information on the phone you could get him into legal or business trouble if you put a key-logger on the phone. He may not have a moral right to keep secrets from you but his employer does have a right to protect their confidential communications.

I'd stick to other means of snooping unless you are very sure of what you may be treading upon here. It might take a little more effort, but if there is something to find, you'll find it even if you don't key-log the phone.

I don't need to keylog it, just have the password.... I'm going to ask for it tonight, maybe insist on it, and see how he reacts.

If he will give you the password, then yes, you still need the spyware since he can just delete the texts/call records and you will have no way of knowing this. Unless I am missing something?

As far as getting in trouble with the spyware on the phone, that would be a risk I would easily take in order to get the information on whether an affair is happening or not.

Actually no. If the company owns it and there is proprety (sp?) information or company sensitive information, spyware can be tracked if it was installed and that's if it can be installed in the first place. And then he would be fired for essentially hacing his phone and for allowing hte potential of 'harmful inforamtion' to be found out.

Best case scenario==he gives you the passwords

I'm heartbroken - just as I thought. Cannot believe I had to threaten to go through his phone and he didn't want to hand it over. I actually hit him when I found the first text she sent him, "I do enjoy texts!" she said. blech.. anyway, there was crying and so many lies - they texted on NYE when we were out with friends, they were out one night until 2:30 and I remember calling him saying it was time to come home and he said he was with a guy friend. They kissed that night and he says that was the only physical interaction. Lots of texting, emailing... They met Dec 16th and I guess today is DDay. Said they were never alone but kissed on the dance floor that night.
We went over to her house TOGETHER and I had him tell her husband, she was gone.. Then I texted her what a whore she is and my hubby texted her that he loved me, didn't have any feelings for her and that they would never have contact.He claims he didn't have feelings for her and that the kiss was drunken.
I'm going to try to set up a polygraph for next week.
I'm sick over this. He's snoring and I'm up typing.
Honestly, not sure I want to enter recovery.
Do I still do Plan A? He's very remorseful and has been crying all night. Says he wants to grow old with me...
not sure what to do from here...
Oh and I put eblaster on his blackberry while he was on the floor sobbing. I don't GIVE A [censored] if he's fired for it.

k, I'm so sorry that the facts have turned out this way.

You did BRILLlANTLY by putting the spyware on his phone. That will give you more knowledge than you could ever get from a confession.

I suspect that there is a lot more detail to come out. In the meantime, he needs to write a formal NC letter and you (both of you, working together on recovery) need to ensure that they cannot meet again.

You should click "notify" and ask a moderator to move this thread over the Surviving an Affair. The experienced people there will walk you through the steps you need to take to ensure NC and start rebuilding your marriage.

Agree with everything SC said. Get this over to SAA and also you did a great job with exposing to the OWH, installing the spyware and lining up the poly.

If I were you, I would also do a GPS in the car.

Now, please tell us more about how your WH interacts with this woman at work. They don't work at the same place but are they in the same building? This part is important so please be specific.

Hang in there... (((k))))

I'm going to look into a gps and VAR for the car.
He doesn't interact with her at work. They are in the same line of business but different companies and met at the area where they work Christmas party. He'd never seen her before then... they work a few blocks from each other.
wondering about exposure. I have a letter ready to go to her company. Where's the facebook letter to her friends?

kstockett, there are letters in the link in my signature.

eblaster has a GPS built in GPS but if you want to get another one, go to Radio Shack and get zoombak.

I am sorry you found this out, but GREAT JOB on taking your H to the OW's house!!

duh....

I just received an apology email from OW.
I am still planning on going to her place of business to talk with her boss and give him a letter detailing what they did and how they used company resources to do it. I wouldn't tell him the employee's name.
This is the right thing to do, right?

How will he know which employee if you don't tell him the name? I am confused.

I don't want to tip her off that I'm coming. i'll tell him when I get there...

ahhhh You didn't tell him the name when you made the appt but you will tell him when you get there? I thought you were saying you would not tell him AT ALL.

yep, this is the right thing to do? After I talk to him I'm going to send an email to all the other Principals of the group with the same message I will be reading to him.