My wife told me about the affair on Jan 2 2012. She met Angelo on a plane, while going to a 1 week job she had in Texas (my wife does week long in-home consultations for people trying to beat Cancer and other major diseases using nutrition). He has been in the Army since he was 18. He started hitting on her immediately. He face booked her, and after saying "no, I'm married with a 7 year old child" she finally relented and agreed to meet him at a hotel room where they spent all night screwing without a condom.

Since then its been all on facebook, but has become so emotionally meaningful to her that she won't break it off. When she told me two weeks ago, I told her that she has to end it with Angelo. She angrily refused and we fought all night. Since then its been an emotional roller coaster as I tried, unsuccessfully, to win her back. I asked for help from all our friends and family except her mother and stepfather. My cousin directed me here. I spent all last night and today reading up on the website.

Today I told her that before the real work of saving our marriage can begin she has to end it with Angelo. She responded with "Not happening" and "I'll leave if you can't respect what I have with Angelo." Things escalated and I said "well fine then, leave." After yelling at me about how I "don't listen" she immediately started making plans to go down to Florida, supposedly to be with a friend, however Angelo is in FL right now. I told her I thought leaving right now wasn't a good idea, and she reluctantly and spitefully agreed.

I just got off the phone telling her mother about all this. She's downstairs right now with our 7 year old boy. I need to know what to expect.

She's 40, I'm 39. We're both white, highly spiritual but not religious living in TN.

Stick to no contact, it's a deal breaker.........but don't use AO's or DJ's during your discussions. Go out and get the book Surviving an Affair immediately. Treat the OM as a highly addictive drug that she must never see or hear from again. Find out if he is married too and let his wife know. GET THE BOOK NOW!

Just bumped a tread for you "newly betrayed spouses"

And Exposure 101

Tell us everything you know about OM and what you think her top 5 EN's are.

What does this mean exactly? Did she expose herself or was it through private messages???

Do you have access to her and his FB friends list?

What a curious statement. Are you married? Can you explain her thinking about fidelity and marriage? Does she feel entitled to have an affair?

I know OM is in his 30s, in the military, and sang a sad sad song about all the suffering he went through as a sniper in Iraq, seeing his friends killed and seeing the wreckage of his own killing. He may be suffering from PTSD. She loves their connection over music and other things she won't say. She is still sexually attracted to him, and says she's in love with him. When pressed she says she doesn't know what the connection between him and her is, and starts to talk of cosmic things, heart energy, and other things I actually believe in. But I also know that my heart can't take being with someone who is in love with someone else.

He has a girlfriend who moved out on him over this. My wife knows this and feel insecure in her relationship with him.

WW top 5 ENs:
Affection
Sexual fulfillment
Conversation
Domestic support
Admiration

What does that mean exactly?

already read it. Thanks

I did exposure 101 before coming to MB.
Friends and family have been a great help so far.
Just told WW mother, which pissed her off to no end.

What about the OM's family and facebook friends? Did you do a fb exposure on him? Are you able to get to the girlfriend?

Here are a couple of things I would do next:


DEMAND that she end her affair and don't mince words about it. Let her know you won't tolerate her adultery and this will lead to divorce if she doesn't end her affair.

I would also set your child down and tell him all about your wife's affair. If you have read my exposure thread then you understand the reasoning behind this.

Since they had sex in Nov, their affair has been all on facebook. But she's in love and wants to see him again. Refuses to break it off for spiritual, existential reasons.
She told me about the affair two months after it started.
I do have access to her and his FB friends list.

I've done all of this according to Plan-A this afternoon. Told her that we can't start to heal until she lets go of her affair with Angelo.

Child knows about the affair.

I haven't yet used OM's facebook friends. According to WW he is mentally unstable and I'm worried he'll come after me.

If he's in the military you need to let his CO know ASAP. Such behavior is frowned on heavily.

http://usmilitary.about.com/od/justicelawlegislation/a/adultery.htm

ok, I would focus on this exposure NEXT. This needs to be done TODAY. Go to his facebook page and copy and paste all his contacts into a word doc. Organize the contacts into the most effective down to the least effective, starting with his MOTHER AND DAD. Send them the facebook exposure letters in my thread.

But you need to get this done today so the exposure has a tsunami effect.

That's just a scare tactic to get you to back off. Copy all his friends contact info to a word document while you have access. I would also see what you can find out about his unit and command and expose there. That would be a big blow. Military doesn't like this at all.

Sounds like she has been reading too many chick magazines... Thats a hilarious excuse for adultery.

LOL..that one cracked me up too