Any suggestions for how to avoid resentment in the future after making this decision? Even if I do succeed in getting enthusiastic about moving, realistically, I WILL have hardships in moving and I don't want to end up harboring any more resentments towards him.

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Brainstorm together and find a place that you will both love.

LIKE!

I will have hardships MOVING period. Thus my question, again, any advice on avoiding future resentments about having to move? I will put forth a champion effort to find a way to enthusiastically agree to move to and love Austin! This doesn't change the fact that I will have hardships in being far from my family and hometown, I would be in denial if I thought I could lose some of the closeness with my family and brainstorm my way into not feeling any regret over it.

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But brainstorming is the answer, Hoping. You don't need to force yourself to love Austin. You need to find a place that will make you happy, too.

Being close to your family is not the only thing in life that will make you happy. What would make you happy?

You also need to fall in love with your husband again.
Start this program together.
Get 15-20 hours UA time each week.
Meet each others' intimate emotional needs.
Avoid Lovebusters.

I used to think that living close to my family was the only thing that would make me happy. We moved to live near them. Guess what -- I was still unhappy, because my relationship with my husband stunk.

Now I'm in love with Markos. I would be willing to consider anywhere he wanted to move, even away from my family, if needed. Because our relationship is now more important than my family.

There's more to life that will make you happy than your family.

Added to this, and perhaps even more critical at this point. She's depleted her balance in the love bank with him by insisting that MN is the place to live that she also, and perhaps most urgently needs to get to work meeting his needs, avoiding love busting behavior so that HE falls back into love with her.

After all, someone in love with their spouse doesn't up and move to another city with or without her. She's so depleted the love bank that he's determined it's in his best interests to make this move.

Unless she gets busy doing what it takes to woo him back to her, I don't think any negotiation has a chance. What would be the draw to entering any such negotiations given his prior experience with her?

I think job one is for her to get him to fall in love with her again so such negotiations can take place. If that doesn't happen, I predict nothing else will happen.

She says she loves him, it's time for her to demonstrate that in a fashion that is most meaningful to him.

Thanks, this has been really helpful. I think the main problem is that I need to somehow get my husband involved in the program so we can improve our relationship. I've been trying to start doing it on my own but my husband isn't too interested in it. Any suggestions on making it seem appealing? He doesn't like anything structured, especially involving reading. He also views the program as "more work." I've tried to frame it as improving our relationship together that we'll both benefit from but it didn't seem to hold much weight. I've already read HNHN and the entire basic concepts on this website, couldn't really put it down once I started.

Sure, work on getting him to fall in love with you.

Perhaps you've come across as trying to fix him. I.E. husband, if you do this program, you'll see why we need to stay in MN. Oh, and I don't love you, so you need to do X, Y and Z for me to be in love with you.

Meanwhile, he's probably thinking he's sacrificed all this time in MN, he's miserable, and doesn't feel loved by you, and now you want to fix him.

He's saying he's going to move away, with or without you. Now is not the time to say here is what he needs to do for you to love him. It's time for you to decide if you are going to do what it takes for him to fall in love with you.

If he's in love with you, the program and negotiations become a much easier sale.

Right now, I doubt he's buying much of anything you are selling.

Get him interested in the program by showing how him what he'll get out of the program.

Start meeting his top 5 emotional needs.
Stop lovebusting him.
Stop insisting that he must put up with your demand of living in MN. Tell him you were wrong for forcing that on him.

How long should I do this if there is no response? Dr. Harley says one month in the Plan A, Plan B article (I think it's called unconditional love). If no response after the month, then what? Plan B? It seems a bit drastic. Maybe after the month I can then present the program to him and ask him to participate with me.

I have heard Dr Harley discuss something similar that happened in his own marriage. I wish I could remember where it was; either on the radio show or on the online seminar programme.

Dr and Mrs Harley are from California. I believe they grew up there; certainly he says that both sets of parents lived there and were available to babysit when Dr Harley's children were young.

I think the move to Minnesota happened because a friend or colleague asked him to run a clinic - or chain of clinics - there.

Mrs Harley did not want to move, but he negotiated with her. She had a few very strong objections, and I think the distance from family and the climate were two of them. He asked her to give moving a try for a period of time (I can't remember; three months, perhaps, at the outset). If she found that period tolerable, then they could negotiate another three months.

He made a promise that if after some time (again, I can't remember; either at any time at all, or after the first three months) Mrs Harley wanted to go back to California, he would agree without hesitation. He said that they kept their house in California for that reason, and they still own it today.

As it turned out, Mrs Harley has never wanted to back to California, because there were enough things that benefitted them in Minnesota to make her enthusiastic about staying (good friends, schools etc). However, she still has the absolute right to move them back there immediately.

I think a few things could be learned from this example.

You, Hoping, need not be enthusiastic about the location at the outset, but you should be enthusiastic about finding a solution that makes both of you happy. Therefore, moving somewhere must be considered by you, and you must make a genuine effort to work with your husband to make you both happy.

The MB programme encourages a spouse to try and see something from the other spouse's point of view, and to acknowledge that there is merit in what they propose. If you give Texas a try, making a serious attempt to invest in your marriage, you might like it. You cannot know until you try.

If your H hadn't already got a job in texas, choosing somewhere else would be easier. Since your H has a job there already, it would seem a good idea to make this the first choice of location.

Of course, your H should not be violating POJA (even though he does not agree to it yet) either. He has issued an ultimatum, which is a lovebuster, and that is unacceptable, but there might be way to change his selfish demand into a thoughtful reuest. If you were to negotiate an agreement like Mrs Harley's - that you will give Texas a try, and he, in appreciation, will agree to move away after a period of time if you are unhappy there, that would be a win-win solution, I think.

Don't do this with the intention of being miserable in Texas to prove that you need to move back to Minnesota. Give it an honest shot.

Sugercane, Dr. Harley tells that story at the end of Love Busters, in the same section that I quoted from earlier: The Unhappy Wanderer.

EXCELLENT point!