|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Always interesting to read.
I appreciate you NG, more than I will ever allow you to see.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495 |
Call the Guinness record-keepers! Alert UPI and Reuters! PB, Trip, CV (and others?): I'm forced to admit that my unabashed, unqualified (if lonely) advocacy for the selected use of accumulated rage is flawed. My judgment in this was substantially based on the concept that such a storehouse of white-hot energy was controllable, not only in its release, but in its duration as well. Sadly, I'm beginning to see that for some people, the "pile" of rage is not dispersable, and remains a toxic threat long after its utility has passed, like tailings from a goldmine, or spent nuclear fuel. Discharging the no-longer-needed remnants evidently requires a level of emotional rigor that might not be the norm. NG, I don't know if you saw my last post on this to MSS... This was exactly the problem I had with anger. It is a self-feeding thing. The problem with the anger is that it is hard to remain focused with it. It is like a .50 cal machine gun being fired from the hip... It sprays everywhere. Celebrate if you will, but have compassion for this writer, as well. He will need to formulate a new philosphy for dealing with high-stress incidents, and it'll take a while. (Since a call is into Guinness anyway, could I order about three cases for sustenance during the re-formulation?) I'm not celebrating... I sympathize greatly with the intention you had and agree to an extent that we need to find a way to MOTIVATE some of these folks. As long as we are on the subject of guiness... remember... It's not just a drink, it's a meal (and the base material for paving highways and a cure for cancer, and the fuel they use in rocket ships...  ![[Linked Image from smilearchive.com]](http://smilearchive.com/s/contrib/ruinkai/flame.gif) Hey, three cases ain't NEARLY enough!![[Linked Image from smilearchive.com]](http://smilearchive.com/s/otn/angels/angel.gif) Moderation might be a new standard, Hot-stuff! Lol... BTW...I called Time and Life magazine too!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
heh, it took me awhile to parse what you were saying, NG, but congratulations on this revelation, and best wishes to you on this continued journey of self discovery. No celebrating here either, other than celebrating WITH you if you are happy to be learning and growing (like all of us).
I definitely think some people need MOTIVATION. I think you've been pushing for rage to do that, and now I think you might need to look for some other tools.
I can say that at this point, I think Dr. Harley's biggest secret is motivation. He publishes material on marriage that is definitely far better than anything I've seen elsewhere, and promises far more, but his real success comes from motivating people to follow the plan when they do not want to and their emotions are pressuring them NOT to. Even with Effective Marriage Counseling in hand, I'm not totally sure how he does that.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495 |
heh, it took me awhile to parse what you were saying, NG, but congratulations on this revelation, and best wishes to you on this continued journey of self discovery. No celebrating here either, other than celebrating WITH you if you are happy to be learning and growing (like all of us).
I definitely think some people need MOTIVATION. I think you've been pushing for rage to do that, and now I think you might need to look for some other tools.
I can say that at this point, I think Dr. Harley's biggest secret is motivation. He publishes material on marriage that is definitely far better than anything I've seen elsewhere, and promises far more, but his real success comes from motivating people to follow the plan when they do not want to and their emotions are pressuring them NOT to. Even with Effective Marriage Counseling in hand, I'm not totally sure how he does that. one thing I notice with Dr. H on the radio show is "Tone". It is much different from ours. He comes across as very warm over the radio and I think forums leave out a lot of emotion and inflection that is sometimes needed. Now, I think in the SAA forum, the hard hitting approach works well... In recovery and other places I think it is a judgment call. The problem I see right now though is how to redirect the anger to a more positive venue when it appears. Some feel the need to just hang onto it...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
heh, it took me awhile to parse what you were saying, NG, but congratulations on this revelation, and best wishes to you on this continued journey of self discovery. No celebrating here either, other than celebrating WITH you if you are happy to be learning and growing (like all of us).
I definitely think some people need MOTIVATION. I think you've been pushing for rage to do that, and now I think you might need to look for some other tools.
I can say that at this point, I think Dr. Harley's biggest secret is motivation. He publishes material on marriage that is definitely far better than anything I've seen elsewhere, and promises far more, but his real success comes from motivating people to follow the plan when they do not want to and their emotions are pressuring them NOT to. Even with Effective Marriage Counseling in hand, I'm not totally sure how he does that. My thoughts; 1) An absence of judgment, 2) Not presenting the info like someone either already knows it, or should already know it (which refers back to #1).
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
... "pile" of rage? Do you need some preparation H, NG?
:P
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,352 |
Do you need some preparation H, NG?
There once was a shrink named Doctor Freud,
Who counselled folks claiming to be annoyed.
First came a note from Ms. Pepperband,
Followed up by one from Hold-Her-Hand,
Each hinting N-G was a hemorrhoid!
The Muse was upon me. (Get it off! Get it off!)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
Aw, man... I'm not the one going on about raging piles!
Though, with a raging case of piles, I couldn't blame ya for being angry!
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495 |
I want to pursue this more if anyone is willing. We have a few very angry posters right now that are really resistant to helping themselves and are really (IMO) not helping very much with their posts...
Any ideas on approach with these folks?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
Sadly, leaving them alone. It's like a low-bottom alcoholic. They have to WANT the help and not want to sit around crying about how unfair everything is...and how can't I just be nice, and can't I just not expose...
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 721
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 721 |
Karma I agree.
Some have to see for themselves but its hard to watch.
Cv-
But if there is hope.... I use feel felt found
I understand how you feel about (eating dung) xyz
I felt the same way when I ate dung (xyz)
What I found was dung tasted so much better when it was covered in (exposure juice-made by the vets at Mb) xyz.
But is hard when people don't listen Cv, I have tried to help my h the same way but I found that he wont listen when I am yelling-right.
Cv I am making light- Bc I see what is happening and its hard when you are trying to help-keep trying please
Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 721
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 721 |
Sorry for typos. I am on my kindle. Ok back to the keyboard for me
Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
You have a basic Kindle, right? No keyboard? Oh heck I HATED typing on that...
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 721
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 721 |
Kindle fire. I cant even do a regular keyboard. Ugh its like an ipad
And I like the old one better to read.
Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
Oh okay. I thought about getting a Fire, but reading is definitely easier with the regular Kindle.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 721
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 721 |
Don't. stick with the old. Off to my book now. More on my kindle views tomorrow
Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495 |
Karma I agree.
Some have to see for themselves but its hard to watch.
Cv-
But if there is hope.... I use feel felt found
I understand how you feel about (eating dung) xyz
I felt the same way when I ate dung (xyz)
What I found was dung tasted so much better when it was covered in (exposure juice-made by the vets at Mb) xyz.
But is hard when people don't listen Cv, I have tried to help my h the same way but I found that he wont listen when I am yelling-right.
Cv I am making light- Bc I see what is happening and its hard when you are trying to help-keep trying please I think I get what you're saying. I just see a few "recovering", and wonder what they are recovering. Nearly always the BS (maybe because of the boards orientation?) I remember the rage I felt that first year of recovery. Frankly it scared me. Never been that angry before or since, and I remember how hard the anger was to control. Let a little out and a flood-gate opened. I held it in til I exploded, I never vented to/on anyone but my W, and frankly, I am surprised she didn't walk on me, even after all she did. I think I would have if it were reversed. So.. all that said... Is it persistence? Is it a soft word? Direct speak to the angry person? Silence? CV
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 721
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 721 |
i think its all those things, but silence. people come here for help and advice but they may not be ready to take it. its those one or two words that help them turn the corner- people are defensive angry and hurt or empowered and each person requires diffrent things a hug or a slap or both. they all are looking for a friend or guidance that they cannot ask anyone else. i think you do a great job in helping people here as do all of the vets, there is like a like dance that goes on with you all. each one of you knows they are the right people for certian people and they jump in. its very interesting to watch from afar.
i also think it is interesting to watch the male female dynamic and how they relate to male female posters.
Me 44- yes ugggh
WH 47
together 26 years M 19
serial cheater big time
DD1 2.24.11
NC letter sent 3/7/11
NC letter to OW2 april
final truths 5/8-- all of them poly confirmed 5/18
working the plan
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
281
guests, and
54
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,508
Members72,000
| |
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
|
|
|
|
