Caracal, Mimi, Mortarman and Bramblerose were others. I agree that this thread would have been a real downer for no good reason over on SAA. Rhetorical questions with an obvious negative slant help no one, especially those who are in despair.

p.s. I posted to your thread on SAA!

dear lost,

Affairs and the stories we've seen here are like greek tragedies; the names change, but the content is the same. I've been here for about 6 months and things always play out the same way. Posters that have been here for a long time have seen all the variations on the theme. their knowledge and ability AND WILLINGNESS to prepare a distraught BS for what is coming and help them plan to recover, whether it is the marriage or the individual is amazing and should be cherished.

Those posters that stay around come out a survivor, whether marriage or individual. I know I wouldn't have been where I am today had I not come here and listened to the advice given to me. I have a plan for the future, I have survived, I'm in a good place right now.

You own your future. You own your life. It is up to you to take or leave the advice given to you. You are currently in plan 'lost' and the experienced posters know where this is going to lead. It is up to you to change the direction with the tools handed to you, or just continue down this path. You are in charge.

I never realized popcorn is "nutritious" !!!!!

made in china

It's the buttah!

I don't agree with your assessment that ML was "stirring" or any of the other things you have said. This thread really doesn't belong in SAA, and the question being asked "any long term Plan B'ers with recovered marriages" really DOES imply a misunderstanding of the main goal of Plan B.

When BSs need to be preparing to go into Plan B (which so very many BSs need to do over on SAA), I do think it would be counterproductive to possibly discourage them by putting the focus on whether or not they will be able to recover their marriage...because they need to be focused on preserving their health.

lost, you haven't been here long, and you don't really know ANYTHING about MelodyLane. I will tell you one thing about her, she gives a lotta her time to help those in need here on MB ~ she has personally gone above and beyond to help both myself and my sister when we really needed it (to which I will always be grateful, thank you, Melody!!!)

The disrespect you have shown her on this thread was uncalled for.

lost, can I make a suggestion?

I have gone back and looked at your threads. You were asked some good questions about your Plan B in the first one and you never answered.

In the next thread you started, it is clear that you do not have a good understanding of Plan B because you stated that your WH is still contacting you. People have posted more to you about your Plan B and instead of dialoguing with them, you are here arguing on this thread.

lost, get back on your thread and get yourself into true Plan B. I can tell by some of your postings that it would help you immensely.

Me too. Too many BSs can't let go of the battle and want to sit in the middle of the field getting shot at. Here it is q an interesting conversation, but on the SAA board it carries a worrying 'Plan B will hurt your marriage' message.

Which of course, Plan B does not, any more than the BSs presence on the battlefield causes the bullets.

The A fires the bullets, not plan B
The A kills the marriage, not plan B
The BS cannot stop the bullets, he/she can only stop being the target.
Plan B is just about making sure the A does not destroy the BS.
Plus since the target is the BS the gunfire will go on forever for as long as the BS volunteers to be that target.

I for one will not do that, and if the APs ever stop firing bullets, realising I am not there to shoot at, WH will find a much happier, less-bullet ridden wife to return to.

I shudder to think where I'd be today, or how mentally stable I'd be, if I hadn't heeded the wiser and more experienced people who took the time and effort to post to me when I was going through one of the toughest times of my life.

To think, there are people here like Pepperband, maritalbliss, MelodyLane and others -- who do this of their own free will and without compensation -- is truly gratifying.

I am not sure where you got the idea I've not bothered to 'pick up a book'. I've read every article on this site, some more than once and I have several of Dr. Harley's books in my home that I've read several times.

All of that reading in the world won't answer the question, 'how many marriages (on this board) are recovered after long term Plan B.' It was a question specifically aimed at this BOARD.


I didn't ask you to even answer, much less 'drop what you were doing.' I am sad that you are describing me as 'too lazy' to read basic concepts. Not only is it untrue,but it is hostile and inflammatory.


Noted. And I am fine with that. I accept that I posted it in the wrong forum.


Actually, I felt the question as posed was asking for the research.....with minimal effort...and I wasn't asking for those in the trenches helping others to stop what they were doing and answer my question. [/quote]

You only asked because you "can't wrap your mind around long term Plan B" and wanted to make a statement of opinion. It was not a sincere question but a rhetorical question. Nor do you even seem to understand that the POINT of plan b is not to recover a marriage.

It is like many of your other questions that indicate you haven't read any MB book. Such as the ones you posted on MB101 on Friday about the POJA, when you disrupted a newcomers thread. Posters who have been here for years less than you were able to answer most of your questions. NOT the newbie's questions, but YOUR questions.

Why not try to contribute around here instead of disrupting for a change?

Great post Indie. Thanks