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2. Keep saying her name. I can go into a Biblical reason for this...but for brevity, let me just say that that a woman is wired to respond to her name. That when you say her name, in the back of her mind, she feels that you are directly and 100% focused on her. Again, this is a biblical thing that has been hard wired into women. Again, dont overdo it!! So, when she says "I got that promotion at work." Dont say "Honey, that is great." Instead, say "Suzie, that is great." (All you ladies can chime in out there and tell me if I am off on this...but doesnt it feel different when he says your name instead of "honey" or nothign at all?). Anyway, I think you get the point. Yes. My dh is very affectionate with his words. He calls me love, honey, sweetie, dear...rarely calls me by my very unusual first name. (oddly enough my nickname with my FOO is his XWs name so he NEVER calls me that) I do notice a physical response in me...heart jumps a bit...that sort of thing...when he says my first name. And MM that quote from the movie is beautiful! It is beautiful. And it conveys the broken heart...but not in a despondent way. Instead, in a hopeful way. And your reaction to your husband saying your first name...well, I hear that a lot from women! Guys just dont understand the power of that. Guys, you wanna see if I am right here...try it at home a few times and watch the reaction of your wife. When you come up behind her in the kitchen to give her a peck on the cheek, instead of saying "Wow, that looks great, honey." ...instead say "Suzie, that looks great." To us guys, that may seem pointless...but the ladies here can tell you that it causes a reaction deep within their soul. You learn something new every day
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Okay...and real quick since I know I will get the questions about the biblical nature of this (why women are hardwired to respond to their names being said).
And it is VERY simple. What was the ONLY job Adam was given in the Garden? Anyone? Can anyone tell me what that one job is?
Okay, I'll tell you: his ONE AND ONLY JOB was to name things. He was to put names to the animals, the earth and sky...EVERYTHING. In order to have dominion over the planet, which he was given, Adam had to first name it. He had to go out and show possession of it.
Now, I dont have the Hebrew spelling of this...so I am just going to spell out the names phonetically so you can get this next idea. Adam went through the garden, and began naming things. He saw a lion...and named it "lion." He saw a crow, and named it "crow."
When he woke up after God made Eve...Adam had already given himself the name of "Eesh." (Again, that is NOT the spelling...just trying to get it so you can pronounce it). When he saw Eve, he named her "Eesh-ah." He saw her, and noticed she looked a lot like him. Thus, the "Eesh" part of the name. But, then he noticed also that she was very different. And thus, the "ah" part.
Why do you ladies take your husband's names when you get married? Well, there are many reasons...but at the base of it, it goes back to this. Eve was given to Adam...because Adam alone was not good. Once Eve got there, it was very good.
So, when Adam named her after himself...he not only was showing dominion like he was with everything else he was naming. But, this part of creation was like him. Was a part of him. But at the same time, so very different. It was Adam's recognition of who his wife was and who they were together.
So, you take his name because you are now joined by God. You become one. You both are "Eesh." But you bring the "ah" part to the equation!!
Again, this could be a whole hour long study. But suffice it to say...naming Eve after himself was Adam's very first act of love and protection for his wife. Giving her the "ah" to that name was recognition of his wonderment of this creatue that was so much like him, but so very different.
So, when you say your wife's name guys...it goes right back to this. It goes right to the depths of her soul. In one word, it shows her deep down that you see her as you...but wonderfully different from you.
All in one word.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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BS (me) 46 STBX WH 53 Married 2000 DS, 11; DS, 10 1st A: LT D-Day - 02/14/06 2nd A: D-Day - 12/21/11 Plan B since 1/17/12 Divorcing
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Interesting, Mortarman. So why do I respond emotionally when my wife says my name?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Interesting, Mortarman. So why do I respond emotionally when my wife says my name? That isnt emotionally, Markos...that is hormonally. LOL!!! Like when I call my dog and he comes running, looking like he is thinking "what do you want? Are you going to feed me? Rub my belly?" Same concept.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I'm going to start saying her name in a loving way and see what happens. I'm also going to steal that quote and give it to her.
Is it normal to still cry every day? It's been 4 months!
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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Why, yes it is. And you will some more.
Nothing new there. Nothing abnormal.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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I have my personal counseling appointment tomorrow. I went to a counselor in November, but never went back. I'm going to try to stay with this one. I never filled my prescription for the ADs. I stay away from anything that alters my mind, to include alcohol.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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I have my personal counseling appointment tomorrow. I went to a counselor in November, but never went back. I'm going to try to stay with this one. I never filled my prescription for the ADs. I stay away from anything that alters my mind, to include alcohol. I hated ADs also. I began to "embrace the Suck." You know what I am talking about. I figured, only if I am alive can I feel the pain. So, embrace it. And know it will pass.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Although I stayed away from ADs, I know someone who was using them for a divorce and just went off them and wow
OMG, he is, now that they have cleared his system.........an explosive, emotional mess.
Just sayin'
(I so wish he'd go back on them for a while!)
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Epic. I'm having a shirt made with that.
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Epic. I'm having a shirt made with that. Every soldier and marine knows exactly what this means. It is a way of life.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Epic. I'm having a shirt made with that. Every soldier and marine knows exactly what this means. It is a way of life. Yep....it's easier to embrace it in my career than with what I'm going through right now. I'd rather invade Iraq all over again.
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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Epic. I'm having a shirt made with that. Every soldier and marine knows exactly what this means. It is a way of life. Yep....it's easier to embrace it in my career than with what I'm going through right now. I'd rather invade Iraq all over again. And folks...if ever someone wants to know how bad it is to be a BS, all you have to do is use the Gunny's quote. "I'd rather invade Iraq all over again."
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Yep....it's easier to embrace it in my career than with what I'm going through right now. I'd rather invade Iraq all over again. Single handedly... With only a knife... barefoot... Yep. I agree
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Wow, reading that GJM, I almost cried. The PAIN is so palpable. I always understood it from the "worse than rape" analogy on here, but this one is good for MEN to be represented. WOW
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Hey Gunny...a note. This is coming up in my update, but I thought it relevant to you.
My wife once said, with tears in her eyes, as she began to realize the pain she had caused:
"I really didnt understand the depth of what this all did to you/OMW/etc. For a long time, I really thought that you all were just playing it up. I mean, I knew it was painful. But I now realize the pain level I have caused, I still cannot fully comprehend."
In my mind, I was like "Really? You didnt know this wuld be devastating?"
But it was an interesting look inside the mind of a wayward.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Hey Gunny...a note. This is coming up in my update, but I thought it relevant to you.
My wife once said, with tears in her eyes, as she began to realize the pain she had caused:
"I really didnt understand the depth of what this all did to you/OMW/etc. For a long time, I really thought that you all were just playing it up. I mean, I knew it was painful. But I now realize the pain level I have caused, I still cannot fully comprehend."
In my mind, I was like "Really? You didnt know this wuld be devastating?"
But it was an interesting look inside the mind of a wayward. The worst part is, my WW always says "the kids will be fine and you'll find someone better that knows how to give you what you want". Ummm....no they won't be and wtf?
Me: BH 36 Her: WW 34 Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9 DDay 1-6/2009 DDay 2-9/2011 DDay 3-11/2011 Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011 Divorce final May 24, 2012 My Story
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Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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