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Re: Newly BS
MelodyLane #2595943 02/10/12 04:57 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 21
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Lighting Offline OP
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Lighting
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Let me explain why they are not relevant questions. They are all based on FEELINGS. And those are not relevant right now.

What is relevant is a PLAN OF ACTION. Feelings follow actions so the goal here is to commit to a PLAN and put all your focus on that for now. Your feelings NOW are not relevant. They will change once your actions change.

Feelings follow actions, feelings follow actions. So go to her with a PLAN and give her an opportunity to earn your forgiveness.

The fact that she had a gay affair is absolutely irrelevant, btw. An affair is an affair.

MelodyLane,

I agree questions 3 and 4 are about feelings.

However question 1 is about deep held beliefs and moral values by which I have chosen to live my life. Thus this is this a big issue for me.

Question 2 is about whether my wife is actually genuinely prepared to do what it takes to make our marriage work.

I don't have an issue with the gay thing, I'm not sure why the issue has been brought up again.

I had a look at the link you suggested for the seminar/workshop for a PLAN but I'm outside the US, is there a page on the website which outlines such a plan? Not sure I have found it.
Re: Newly BS
Lighting #2595962 02/10/12 06:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
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MelodyLane Offline
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MelodyLane
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Originally Posted by Lighting
I saw the link to the seminar/workshop you suggested, I am not in the US though. Is there a relevant page on the website which talks about how to make a plan? It would be good to read it this weekend.

The program is done by many folks throughout the world. [we have some Brits who are in it now] You don't have to be in the US to do it. You go through an online seminar [the same one we went through when it was held in hotel ballrooms in the US] and then you work with a marriage coach on the lessons. They send you all the lesson books, CDs, etc. That is the most effective way to do it.

If you don't want to do that, then I would follow the program outlined in this article: here and getting these 3 books: Surviving an Affair, Lovebusters and the workbook Five Steps to Romantic Love.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101
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