Oh and dg, if you have any reason to believe you know the identity of the person who sent the message to your BH that you were showing pics of yourself to 'men' on the internet, incude that info.

Also if there are any other OM.

And of course reiterate that you are willing to do a poly to prove yourself.

DG,

You may feel that you�ve been beat up here. What you�re really getting is a dose of honesty. Sometimes what a person truly needs to hear and do is not what they want to hear or do. And your silence for the last couple of days speaks volumes. I�ve read your thread and your husband�s thread. You haven�t been honest. So let�s call a spade a spade� You had a sexual affair and he�s ready for a divorce.

I�m not going to beat you up with brutal honesty. Instead� I think you need to ask yourself a couple of questions and be brutally honest with yourself. I don�t think you are at a point (yet) where you are capable of seeing or understanding how much damage you�ve done to your marriage or your betrayed husband.

I�ll post a couple questions that you need to answer for yourself to yourself.

1. Do you want to save your marriage?

2. If you are willing to save your marriage, are you willing to do whatever it takes no matter how painful or humbling?

If you answer yes to both of these questions� Then what next?

Well� I think it�s going to take a giant leap of faith on your part followed by a lot of baby steps.

The Giant leap of faith--- You need to do what Pepperband and Melodylane have suggested. You may feel its humbling, but talk is cheap and it�s the action of doing that will show your husband you are truly sorry and serious about gaining his trust back.

The baby steps--- That will come later. How do you eat an elephant? ... One bite at a time! For you the first bite is the hardest.

1. Do you want to save your marriage?
2. If you are willing to save your marriage, are you willing to do whatever it takes no matter how painful or humbling?

If you answer yes to both of these questions� Well� I think it�s going to take a giant leap of faith on your part followed by a lot of baby steps.

Amazing gave you the optimistic view of where you stand. It would be unfair to leave you thinking that the initiative to fix/abandon the marriage is yours. It's not. You did as much to destroy your marriage as it is possible to do, and the decision to expend any energy the repair what you have so malevolently trashed belongs to Bricks.

You gave up your options in this matter when you:
1 - seized the opportunity to meet POSOM, and point your heels to the ceiling for him,
2 - lied to Bricks about it until faced with the necessity of a poly (and, btw: lied to us here!)

Bricks has every right to give up on you, and you have NOTHING to offer in return. If you are so inclined, DG, this would be a good time to start praying.

Oh yes, the choice is bricks and you may be out of grace with him.

However you still owe it to yourself and to the vows you took to work your [censored] off making this up to bricks as much as you can until the fat lady sings.

Even if you do D, you still need to change your behaviour around men unless you want to be miserable forever.