I had a doctor tell me that women go through a stage in their early thirties. That was about the time my wife left. I also believe that my wife not dating anyone but me also had a lot to do with it. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope everything works out for you. If there is any thing I can do to help please do not hesitate to ask.

I was thinking about that , too, weld, since I noticed so many BH's have ww's in their thirties. I read something similar a while ago.

I also read the same thing. Not to mention their hormones change and things like that. I met my wife when she was 18.

I had my counseling appointment today. The counselor wasn't very impressive. I asked him if he was familiar with marriage builders concepts and Dr Harley. He said he was. I thought it would be good since he knew of him.

I told him about the affair and about exposure and what not. His response to my son finding the affair phone was that maybe it wasn't good for the children to be told of the details of the marriage. I told him that HE found it and read the messages. He said yes, but we shouldn't have them involved. I told him that it was I who had to deescalate the situation and explain to the children between right and wrong. It almost became argumentative.

Then he said I had to make choices because separating and coming back together is confusing to the children. He said that they may think it's ok to go through this type of situation. I disagreed with him. I said as long as they know the truth and understand right from wrong, keeping a family in tact is more beneficial to everyone. He said it isn't healthy to keep separating. I agree with that, but there is more stability as a family and learning forgiveness will make them better people. Keeping them in the dark is damaging. Divorce is damaging. I don't know, am I wrong here?

Lots of people think that stuff, but Dr. Harley says it's all bunk. The reasons for affairs are clear, and the main reason women leave their husbands is neglect.

The way to restore the marriage is to be solution focused, not to get bogged down in pop psychology theories.

Why Women Leave Men

Hint: It has nothing to do with hormones, her thirties, or how many men she dated before you were married.

Thanks Prisca.....we all must be held accountable.

Prisca, after reading the reasons women leave men I must admit that I am guilty of every one of them. I have taken 100% responsibility of what happened in my marriage.

Sounds to me like you two should have changed seats!

The counselor will drive you up the wall.
They may be familiar with MB but obviously have not studied it and do not understand the clear and brilliant logic of it nor is it your job to educate them.
I found it best to not go to counseling when the pro had the best of intentions but limited experience supporting the plan I chose to follow.

Women/Age......lol......all ages are vulnerable to affairs if someone spends time alone with someone of the opposite sex and meets emotional needs with them.

Simple. Logical and not based in the stages of life.

Oh, and then the counselor started talking about co-parenting and I said nope, I go into Plan B next. He didn't like that. He said well when it comes to the children, it's important to make decisions together. I said she already made her decision and that was to destroy our family. My decision is to make a welcome home to her and preserve the love I have for her by showing her a way back through the MB program. He didn't like that either lol...I was proud of myself.

WOW, I can't believe people have to pay that man for his opinions. I probably would have walked out on him.

Yea, it doesn't matter the age.

There is a major shift that has been noticed where more women are committing adultery than before. I think that has to do with society though. You know a show I never could stand watching, and didn't understand the hype about? Did you guess? Sex and the City. It glorified adultery, and wh&^ing around.

I stand by what I said a short while ago.

You should be proud of yourself. LOL...you know more about his job than he does. G, this would actually be the ROTFL kind of funny if you weren't hurting so bad. I'm quite sure everyone on this board is quite proud of you as well for the manner in which you are handling all this.

You certainly have my respect!

Oh, I hope you fired your "counselor" and told him he needs to study further about the MB concepts. He may be familiar with them, but he sure doesn't know much about them and how effective they are. He might actually learn something that could help someone down the road. Obviously, his college studies didn't accomplish a damned thing.

Hang in there friend

I'm glad my wife never watched that show. Then again, wouldn't have made a difference.

GJM,

Just for the heck of it what is the MCs marriage record?

God Bless
Gamma

Was that a marriage counselor or an individual counselor?

Gamma and reading,

I went for personal counseling. It wasn't supposed to be marriage counseling. I wanted to try it for personal recovery, but it didn't go so well.

Well......you tried!

If you can get kernels of useful help going......and just ignore non-helpful.....it might work. Perhaps focusing on your own emotions versus your plans for parenting and communicating.

Like "Let's focus on how sad I am." "Let's not discuss that aspect of my situation".

Well I figured he would want to know all the facts first so I will play along for now.

Unfortunately, many personal counselors are not good marriage counselors.