Oh wow! You have much better instincts than the "counselor" about all this. "coparenting" is a disasterous construct that was conjured up by lazy, uncaring divorce court baboons who are in denial about some fantasy of being "amicable." Co parenting causes more stress to an already stressful sitution. Go check out the notable posts and read up about parallel parenting. It is a much better solution.

Too bad the Harleys don't take tricare! Lol!

Nice to see you Mel...

I have read those and did a little more searching online because there's no way I want to be friends with someone who destroyed my family. There's too much pain involved. I'm only hanging in there because there's at least a small chance things can turn around. If not, I want nothing to do with my WW.

Have you told your W this? That if you two divorce, there will be no Sunday dinners with the Fam, no coming over on Christmas morning so you can both watch the kids open presents together?

If not, that's something she needs to hear. Ya don't say it in a mean, love busting way and ya have to wait for the right time to say it, but if she thinks, like many waywards, that after the divorce it'll be just like before except one of the partners goes home to their own house at the end of the day and everyone is happy, that myth needs to be shot down. Don't bring it up on yourself, but if there's ever a time she brings up the one big happy divorced family crap, tell her "if we divorce, I will not be a part of your life. It would be too painful for me to have you be a part of my life when I don't want a divorce. Or something like that.

In my situation, the day after I exposed to my boys, my W actually left me a note where I'd see it before I left for work and it said, among a lot of other fog babble, "and we are not friends. Friends don't treat each other the way you've treated me lately". I'm not sure, but I'll bet she heard me laughing upstairs when I read that!

The delusions of waywards is truly stunning.

Good luck this weekend. Remember, have FUN. Don't let her see you down. You're showing her how GOOD the marriage could be if she'd give it a chance. And when the day/night is over, specifically tell her "I had a good time today". It might seem obvious you did, but tell her you did. It will have an affect.

H4U

HopwforUs had a very good point. While in Plan A, when your wife talks about the future, you can still give her the facts of the way it REALLY will be!

I remember the Christmas after my wife first moved out. She went out and bought a bunch of presents for the kids. I was just headed into Plan B for the first time. Anyway, I come over to drop the kids off...but this time I wait at the door (I had been coming in). She looked at me weird...but then asked me to wait there a minute. She came back and asked me to come in and see the presents. She said her plan was to throw them all in her car and bring them over very early Christmas morning before the kids woke up. And then we could just sit there and drink coffee and wait for them to wake up.

I looked at her like she had three heads and said "that isnt going to happen." She got loud, asking why we cant just make their Christmas nice? Of course, I then went into my diatribe that she heard a bunch of times after that:

"Mrs. M, this isnt the way it will be. You have chosen to leave. If we are not able to put our family back together, then there wont be any co-parenting. As a matter of fact, there wont be any contact between you and I, except to pass pertinent messages about the children."

She was livid. Started screaming. Then slammed the door. A few days later, she made plans to fly to Florida to meet the OM. And spent Christmas with him.

So, even though you are in Plan A and are meeting needs, etc...you should also take the opportunity to correct her foggy notions, when they present themselves.

So, she is over making dinner like the other night. And she starts talking about her new job and what things are going to be like with taking the kids back and forth. Use that opportunity to let her know that this will never happen once you all are divorced. That dinners like this, hanging out together, etc will never happen again.

And watch her reaction.

That day when my wife told me to move on and then apologized after, she had also reminded me of when I told her I didn't want to friends. She's well aware of what is coming. She doesn't have the details of how much less contact we will have, but the coparenting won't be an option.

I'm going cut my hair and write that note. Hopefully things go well. Oh and get those funny facts to make conversation in case we run out of things to talk about. I'll also be sure to say her name and make incidental contact.

No bowling today Wife has a headache.....Now I need to come up with something. Maybe a walk around the lake or at the beach. That requires talking so wish me luck.

NO luck needed. Wishing you great Plan A opportunities. You CAN do this. Whatever you do, make sure that you have some Plan A moments. Pebbles in the river.

Thanks Scotty...
I went to pick her up and we grabbed some coffee. We started driving to the lake and decided to grab some food. I opened all the doors for her as I always do and opened and closed her car door. The conversation was flowing. Thankfully there wasn't much talk about the kids. Afterwards I took her back to her place. She invited me in for a little while and we talked some more. Then she had to get ready for her co-worker's going away. I would say that it went pretty well. I got a hug as I was leaving.

GREAT JOB. Now, do something nice for yourself. Your Taker is gonna need some attention.

Hmmm....yes, my taker will probably start throwing a tantrum soon. I am going to take my son to play some basketball. Hopefully I'll keep my mind off of things for a little while.

Doing something physical is a good choice. Have fun with your son, you had a good Plan A day.

Thanks! I'm glad you think so. I called it a success because there was no relationship talk and we actually talked lol

Make a mental note to ask how the going-away party went as it'll be something safe that y'all can talk about.

So how long did the co-worker work there?

Oh yeah, that's a while. It seems like most folks don't stay that long at jobs, I guess she was/wasn't the exception. Were you good friends with her? What'd she do at work? Accounting? Wow, I never was that great with numbers, ha ha.

Where'd she move to/retire to? Hmm, that's a neat city, I hear they have good seafood [or some other fact that you happened to have looked up before talking about this with her]...

Did they have decent food at the party?

Did she get one of those cheesy retirement watches or at least a coffee mug?


You get the drift. Glad to hear the evening went well.

I was tempted to text her while we were apart, but I am glad that I didn't. I know she got home before 9 because of computer activity. That's a relief as well because the going away was at a bar and I'll admit I was worried. I can sleep better knowing she got home safely and at a decent time.

After the kids and I get back from church tomorrow, I invited her to eat out with us so she told me to give her a call. We'll see how that goes.

Took the kids to church this morning. I called my wife to see if she wanted to eat, but she declined. She seemed agitated. I will be happy when her moods stop affecting me.

I'm starting to wonder why my wife goes places with me. We went for our run and of course she brings headphones. I didn't expect to talk much, but I figured there would be a little talking. Then she comes over afterwards and is texting most of the time. I don't have any expectations, but it does make me wonder why she does stuff with me. I hope it's getting to her in a positive way.

Keep going, G. You're doing great!

[/quote]Keep going, G. You're doing great![/quote]

Thanks, but is it strange that she does things with me?

GJM-

Have you ever heard this quote "The lady doth protest too much..." ? (It's from Hamlet BTW and I'm an English teacher...that's just where my brain goes).

Your WW is trying too hard to show you that she is "ignoring" you-yet-she is still going running with you and hanging around.

I agree, you are doing great.