As soon as they email me, I will have one done. Thank you, everyone!

What about exposure of an affair that took place years earlier and is now ended but recently revealed? I feel that the children, close relatives, close friends, and the lover�s spouse should be informed. Granted, it�s embarrassing to admit an affair, but publicly admitting failure is usually the first step toward redemption.

In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery.

Time heals nothing but the truth will. You should answer any question that your husband ask truthfully no matter how bad it hurts or how it makes you look. If you want to save your marriage the time has come to stop playing games.

DG, you are currently your husband's worst enemy. You have done to him something that will be very, very difficult for him to recover from. He trusted you over everyone, and you betrayed that trust. He doesn't even know who you are right now. You have much work ahead of you. And you are going to hear some things from us that you might not like to hear. If you are serious about saving your marriage, you will listen to what we say and will do what we advise.

I know I am his worst enemy. I know that what I did was very very wrong and I know that I betrayed him. Do you think I have to stay in the house? Or it's better for me to go? I am here and that alone is huge. My husband has been in this forum for probably 10 years. I don't like discussion forums because for me, being with my family and spending time with them will help me and us a great deal to fix what needs to be fixed. But I am here because this is important for him.

Having said that: Your first paragraph is filled with self-serving justifications for why it wasn't 'convenient' for you to be straight up with us. We see that - we don't buy your excuses. We also understand that - you are wayward. Our goal is to pull you out of that wayward state. Thank you for giving us your reasons for why you posted the way you did. When the two of you are recovered (you'll learn that I'm an optimist) you'll re-read this thread and be appalled at how wayward you were.

I know all of you don't buy my excuses and I respect all of you for that. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. I am a wayward and I cheated on my husband, everytime I look at him, I am reminded of this. Everything that I do or think or see is reminding me of a how stupid I am.

Okay, let's look at why you lied to your husband.
BECAUSE YOU COULD LOSE EVERYTHING IF YOU TOLD THE TRUTH. You understand how selfish that is, right? Let's break down your post:

I am selfish and I know that this is not about me.

Or he may choose to remain with you. I'll tell you why: my H and I always agreed that infidelity would be our deal-breaker. If one of us were to commit adultery against the other, it would be over. Well, the worst thing happened - he committed adultery against me. That was three years ago. We're totally recovered, and I'm here helping people like you and Bricks. There is hope. But it's up to Bricks, now, to decide if he will choose the path of recovery like I, and others on this site, chose.

Yes, it's up to my husband. I respect his decisions whatever it may be.
Discussing the future location of your children, and whether or not you will have access to them, is another self-serving comment on your part. Bless your husband right now, for the fact that he is allowing you to have ANY access to your children. You are currently a toxic element in their lives. You are a clear and present danger to everything that is loving and stable about their lives.

Yes, I cheated but that doesn't make me a bad mother to my kids. I will offer everything to them if I can. I never had a family that I can call my own. I am trying my best to be a good Mom to them everyday because I did not experience any of this. My Mom left me in the care of my aunt and she later move me to another aunt. I did not know who my real Dad until I was 21. So please before you judge me on how good of a mother I am or I how I am a danger to my kids, please don't be too harsh on me because you don't know. Just because your husband did what he did, you are in no position to judge me. I am sorry but it's hard to do everything that I can do to fix our marriage when you are being judged all the time.
Because you know that you are unworthy. You can earn that worthiness back. That's up to Bricks. He'll have to allow you to do that.

I know I am unworthy and it's up to my husband.
That should scare you ONLY if you are continuing to lie. You need to spill your guts RIGHT NOW, DG. Get everything out. Bleed that toxic crap out completely. Then you won't be afraid anymore. Living in deceit is a fearful thing. And it is poisonous to a marriage. If there is more that you need to disclose to Bricks, tell him that. If he can bear to hear it, TELL HIM. EVERYTHING. NOW.

My H trickle-truthed me about his affair, exactly how you have done to Bricks. It eventually all came out, just like yours has to. Yes, it was horrible. Yes, I was sick from it. But I could handle knowing the truth - it was the not knowing that I couldn't handle.

If you are serious you will do the polygraph ASAP. You will disclose EVERYTHING to Bricks. You will do whatever it takes to save your marriage. You will have to work harder than you have ever worked for anything in your life to accomplish recovery. You will have to be honest TO A FAULT.

If you are willing to do this, and Bricks is willing to recover his marriage with you, there is hope.

Bricks has not posted recently, and we are concerned about him. Please tell him that we are very concerned about him and would like him to check in, okay?

NOPE. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Do NOT wait for a return email. That takes the control of your recovery out of your hands. Are you serious about recovery, or not?

Call the Sheriff's Department or Police Department in your city and tell them you need the name of a polygrapher. Don't wait for someone to 'get back to you'.

Did you read your old thread?

Here it is:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2590030&page=all

One of the things you were told to do (besides not hide anything else from your BH) was to write the OM a NC letter. Have you done so?

PS ~ I am not encouraged by the fact that you lost your login information and started a new thread. I hope that you will stick to one thread and keep reading and posting...

You ignored this part of Scotland's post:


Can you answer the question?

Do you think I have to stay in the house? Or it's better for me to go? I am here and that alone is huge. My husband has been in this forum for probably 10 years.

Yes, I cheated but that doesn't make me a bad mother to my kids. I will offer everything to them if I can. I never had a family that I can call my own. I am trying my best to be a good Mom to them everyday because I did not experience any of this. My Mom left me in the care of my aunt and she later move me to another aunt. I did not know who my real Dad until I was 21. So please before you judge me on how good of a mother I am or I how I am a danger to my kids, please don't be too harsh on me because you don't know. Just because your husband did what he did, you are in no position to judge me.

That's up to your husband. If he were posting I would suggest that he ask you to remain in the house until he is sure about what he wants to do, recovery-wise. This is all immaterial. Your childhood has nothing to do with the issue at hand.

I mentioned my husband's infidelity so that you know where I'm coming from. I am a survivor of infidelity, which puts me, and the other survivors here, in a unique position to advise you. It's important that you know that.

You may be Mother of the Year in many ways, but the act of giving yourself and your emotions to a man who is not their father is not the loving act of a mother. You were a poor parent during the affair because of this. You have threatened their home and every bit of stability that they know. They trusted you to keep their home safe and you ran off and screwed another man. Do you see where these are the actions of a bad mother?

I leave this with my husband. At this point in my life, I really don't want to talk to anyone but to my husband and my kids. I don't have a good relationship with my some of my family and my Mom.

I am so stupid that I don't even know how to quote someone's post. So please all of you read my replies inside the quote.

NOPE. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Do NOT wait for a return email. That takes the control of your recovery out of your hands. Are you serious about recovery, or not?

Call the Sheriff's Department or Police Department in your city and tell them you need the name of a polygrapher. Don't wait for someone to 'get back to you'.