Just a word to let you know that I have not forgotten to thank you for your words of kindness. This is my first day back to work since last Thursday eve. Believe it or not, I am feeling much better today. I feel like my cloud of doom has taken a day off. My weekend was not all that great in regards to my relationship between my spouse and I, but my time with my kiddies was great. I am trying to take a more proactive approach in keeping those clouds of doom away. <BR>TheStudent: I know exactly what you mean when you speak of childhood experiences. I have given my children more love and attention than I ever received. I have allowed them to become involved with friends, school activities, more assertive than I ever was, sports and I have aways kept the doors of communication open for them. They could talk to me about anything and still do. However, I still let them know who I am.(the parent) Maybe I was living my younger life through them. My mother was always loving to me, but because who she was married to, she had to give me up. I am not her spouses kid. Yes, I am an out-of-wedlock kid. You know how that looks on your childhood resume? The neighborhood kids know, your cousins know, your classmates know. I spent my entire married life trying to prove to my spouse and others who had no faith in me that I am somebody of value. But even now, those same people still look at me with those condescending eyes. And yet, maybe after all these years of listening to criticism, being bullied, name-calling and trying to prove myself, I have developed paranoid behavior. Well this is who I am and I am still trying to live day by day. Hopefully, happiness will enter my life. Hopefully happiness will enter each one of your lives as well. I was told over and over that only I can make myself happy. I agree, however, I need some direction. My love to you all. <P>

Sobeit,<BR>Glad to hear from you. Only have a minute, but what you posted brought to mind one of the forgiveness workbook threads.<P>I think it was Refraining from Judgments #6. #5, assuming equality may help, too.<P>Go to the sunglasses by my name, then do a search and look for those threads. If you can't find them, let me know.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Sobeit - It really IS good to hear from you again. I've been worried.<P>You sound like a wonderful parent. A good and caring person. So when you look for ways to describe yourself, use those, OK???<BR>'Cause that's what we see here.<P>Keep believing in yourself. And keep looking for that direction. It is there. And so is happiness for you. <P>Thank you for your wishes.<P>I'll keep looking for your posts.<P>Lori<P>