Ok, but that might not be true. This is why you need to verify it. When you get her name go to facebook and find her. Copy and paste her contacts into a WORD doc.

Why don't you just call him right now and ask him her name. Tell him you want to know all about her. Her name, occupation, etc, etc. Tell him you need to know everything.

I would put a VAR in his car. If he calls her from a secret phone he would use it in the car. Go to the operation investigate forum and get tips on how to get and install a VAR. Or start up a thread here and ask.

I promise you he will get an affair phone. Mine did and tried to say it was his friend's who left it in his truck but it was too late he was caught and knew it. It was just a cheap one that was prepaid. I would also ask him for his passwords to his computer and if he tries to say he has a right to privacy then tell him he doesn't anymore and you want them now! People who have things to hide, hide behind the privacy thing. If there is nothing to hide they don't care.

Welcome to MB ... sorry you are here. I just wanted to mention that if you needed access to his account on your home PC you can delete his password .. however .. he will know you did since you can not replace the password after its deleted. This would be a last resort to finding evidence on his PC .. because then the cat would be out of the bag so to speak at that point. SO its not impossible to get onto his account and I would gladly tell you how its done if you need the info.

MNG

WDM, I sell bridges here in New York. You sound like someone who has the discerning eye for a good deal, like this one I have on an older model between Brooklyn and Manhattan. I mean anyone who can read:

Him: But first I am getting nekkid and getting in the shower
Her: wish I was getting in with you
Him: me too
Her: I need you today
Him: I know how you feel.

and see this as evidence of an EMOTIONAL, but certainly not PHYSICAL affair, is exactly the person I would choose to deal with!

That's true. I just feel like I know the kind of man he is, and that he would never make it physical. However, Never guessed, you are right. I fell for everything my 1st husband said hook, line and sinker. told myself I would NEVER put up with this again. I thought I made a wise choice in waiting 9 years until my kids were grown to marry again. Ugh....
Well, I think the the VAR is a good idea, Melody Lane. I've got a digital voice recorder, but I don't think it's voice activated.
by the way, I've been on anti-depressants since my last divorce (I say divorce is the gift that keeps on giving)...I think the anti depressant numbs me to a lot of things. I can't seem to feel the anger I felt the first time!
Winn (You all are SUCH a blessing to me!)

Also, he's being very, very nice. I teach school, and had today off. He made me coffee, and left his bible out in the den so I could see that he was reading it.

Don't take the word of a wayward.

That's entirely up to you, Winn, and I doubt that anyone would fault you for showing him the door. Don't make any decisions hastily, though. You've got time to decide that.

Thank you, Gloveoil, for the kind words, and insight. It's so hard to know what to do. I will ask him for his computer passwords and email accounts. Also, will get the Ow's name and address. DH is due home in a few minutes.

If he is remorseful, that is a good sign, right? Also, he is wanting to go to counseling, and has asked me if I've found someone yet.

Thank you, gloveoil. Those are wise words.

Waywards use counselling to waste time and say 'see I tried' - while bouncing the two women off each other. Counsellors also have a high rate of divorce, whereas MB has a high success rate. Youd be better off with the MB programme which concentrates on ACTIONS not weeping in an office.

I would tell him that he will be expected to follow a marriage recovery programme of YOUR choosing (Either MB or a counsellor who uses MB principles) once he has proven himself transparent and gone NC with her by letter and letter alone.

You have a plan. Plans make us cool customers.



I remember that feeling when new here. We have all felt the same pain and are paying forward the help we got when we showed up bleeding and on the floor.



That is up to you. However if you are like most BSs you veer from hatred to hope within the hour and are not likely to be capable of making a permanent decision for some time.

What I wanted was to hit him and for him to stay around to take it!

The great thing about the MB plans is they keep your options open for whatever your decision will be. They stop you from being deceived, they kill the A, they stop you from being abused by an ongoing affair.

You dont have to decide now, you just have to kill the A. Good hunting, you sound very strong. You will do fine.

Interesting to hear what his response to NC letter will be.

THank you, Indie girl,
You sound strong too. So you are in Plan B. How is that going? It must be very painful for you. I don't know if I have a plan yet. It seems like there is so much to do, that I don't know where to start. Do we do the no-contact letter and then continue "snooping". Transparency I'm sure is right in there, along with exposing. I have already exposed to my brother, who DH hold is high esteem. My brother is also a marriage counselor. He does not follow the MB practices though.

Plan B is great! Three weeks of awful intense withdrawal pain - but then you get better and stronger each day from then on. These days I am so happy! Dr Hs lovebank is real - the love you feel actually does freeze up when no contact is implemented. Though it comes back with any triggers. Plan B is a doddle compared to being subjected to a WSs active affair.



You need to expose to all in a fell swoop on the same day. No warning to your WH either. Say you want peoples support in rebuiding your marriage. You can also ask people to use their influence in getting WH to commit to the marriage and to NC

Tell him YES!, Steve Harley !

What has he actually done to show you that he is remorseful and wants to recover your marriage?

Will he talk to Steve Harley? That's really the only counselor he needs to talk to. Steve will give him tools to use to recover your M. 'Regular' MC's don't have the skills required to recover a marriage.

Will he counsel with Steve? He has work to do, as do you.

The most important thing is he needs to agree to No Contact for life...never ever. That is the first step. New phone # with her blocked, new emails with her blocked. No contact letter signed sealed and delivered. Remorse isnt going to cut it. If he is willing, counseling with Steve Harley will get you light years ahead imto recovery than traditional counseling. Ex loves are certainly difficult, it is most likely a PA as all their history together seemso to fast forward the process. (in our case my husbands ONS was with a woman he was with 13 years ago and had not seen for that long. She was married with 2 young children. The history was there, they ran into each other at a bar and had sex that same night. Skank!)

Hello guys. I am back. The first thing I should tell you that I withheld previously, was that WH has been married 3 times before me. I am the 4th wife. Well, I went off a little into the deep end. Instead of having him send her a no contact letter, I had him call the OW. I listened in. The main thing I heard was, "You have been lying to me for 7 years now! You have lied to me, your children, and now your wife!" After this call, I asked WH about the "7 year" comment. He said that they had dated 7 years previously, and still insisted that it was by text and email only. Well, I went into bank and phone records and found they had been in contact, and he had made trips there (4 hours away) for at least 1 1/2 years of our 2 1/2 year marriage. When confronted with this, he later admitted that it had been physical. He said that he would have nothing else to do with her, and that he loved me. He went to see his dad last weekend to tell him everything. WH said his dad was very disappointed in him. Well, another thing I did, and please don't yell at me, I texted the other woman. It was a pretty lengthy conversation. In summary....they have known each other for over 7 years. he has been back and forth with her 3 times during that time period. She said he told her that leaving her was the worst thing that he had ever done. WH had been to see OW 2 weeks ago, and cellphone and bank records confirm that. (he said he was going on business). I went through his old divorce decrees and found that in his 3rd marriage, he was asked to pay back some debts from checks and gifts he had bought for another woman.....this woman was the OW according to the divorce papers. There were copies of checks and charges...checks written to OW during 3rd marriage. OW told me that he had been with her, then cheated on him with another woman, OW got back together with WH, then he began dating me while they were still a couple. WH verified some of this with me. He said that he and OW got together at the end of 3rd marriage, when it was over and the papers were filed. He admitted he had lived for 1 1/2 with OW and this other lady. He said that he never cheated on them because he had already broken up with each before going on to the next one. So, that is where I am at this point. Can you please direct me to the next step? Help!!!