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WH swears he wants to work on marriage, and will do whatever it takes to keep me.
(ME): BS 53 years old. Divorce final 8/13/12
After 2 failed marriages, not planning on marrying again.
Isaiah 43: 18,19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
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OW told me she has an STD (g. herpes). WH admits he knew that, and has been having unprotected S with her, and then coming home to having unprotected S with me.
(ME): BS 53 years old. Divorce final 8/13/12
After 2 failed marriages, not planning on marrying again.
Isaiah 43: 18,19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
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Can you please direct me to the next step?
File.
The recovery plan at MB is entirely dependent on the BS knowing (not wishing, hoping, believing, or anticipating) that the WS is remorseful, and has (not might, could, or should) undergone a change, and that the future of a strong, supportive marriage is certain (not possible, or, as in your case, extremely doubtful).
You have a POSWH whose last three marriages have blown up, evidently because he was busy chasing sows in someone else's pen, and you, having caught him again (with one of those same partners, no less), are unconvinced that a cheating slimeball is what he is? Really?
Dial 1-800-DivorceHisButt and be done with your problem.
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Thank you, Never Guessed. I do not exactly know how his first two marriages ended. He says they both had an affair on him. I guess I can't believe that either. Since his 3rd marriage was already over (emotionally), was he still cheating when he started up with OW? I am so torn. But I have to admit, having 3 failed marriages does not bode well.
Thanks for your perspective.
Am wanting to hear from others. (not to downplay what you have told me at all, Never Guessed).
(ME): BS 53 years old. Divorce final 8/13/12
After 2 failed marriages, not planning on marrying again.
Isaiah 43: 18,19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Wow. I am so very sorry, WD, but so relieved you got to the truth. You did a SUPER JOB of contacting the OW and getting the truth. Your entire marriage has been a lie. Do you realize that? Your H has been leading a secret second life for a very long time so this is a way of life for him.
You do know that you should get tested for STDs right away, right?
I bet he has lied to you about many things.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes, I have gotten tested, and praise God I am clear!
I wish I could say there was hope for this marriage.....but it doesn't look to be so.
(ME): BS 53 years old. Divorce final 8/13/12
After 2 failed marriages, not planning on marrying again.
Isaiah 43: 18,19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
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p.s. I would also pick up the phone and call his dad and tell him all about his affairs. There is no telling what your husband told him.
WD, do you have alot of money? Why do you think your husband married you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes, I have gotten tested, and praise God I am clear!
I wish I could say there was hope for this marriage.....but it doesn't look to be so. Does he have access to your money or any lines of credit?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Hold the phone, you said he was with OW 2 weeks ago. You also said you recently found out OW has herpes.
You may have a clean bill of health now, but there is no way of knowing (for 6 months anyway) if you are going to contract herpes from your WH via OW or not.
You will need to use protection -- EVEN WITH YOUR HUSBAND --every time you have intercourse-- for 6 months at least! (I am sure your Dr. told you this.)
No children, not a long term marriage, trickle truth only when caught red handed. I fail to see any remorce or ANY concern for your health or emotional well being.
What are your reasons for staying with this man? You are worth so much more than this.
HE will need to be retested then, too.
Last edited by barbiecat; 01/31/12 11:35 AM.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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I am now sending my payroll checks to my separate bank account. I am in the process of calling each of my creditors to take his name off. I'm so sad 
(ME): BS 53 years old. Divorce final 8/13/12
After 2 failed marriages, not planning on marrying again.
Isaiah 43: 18,19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
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I am now sending my payroll checks to my separate bank account. I am in the process of calling each of my creditors to take his name off. I'm so sad Sad, but doing the right thing ! Atta-girl! >high-five<
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Thank you, Barbie Cat. I am making him get tested too. I just felt like I loved him, and he did seem remorseful yesterday, and said he really wanted to stay with me and would do whatever it would take. Sadly, I believed him. thank you all for your responses. I was not aware of having to be tested 6 mos. down the road.
(ME): BS 53 years old. Divorce final 8/13/12
After 2 failed marriages, not planning on marrying again.
Isaiah 43: 18,19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
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Melody Lane,
I don't know why he married me. He did seemed crazy about me at the time. I do own a house, and I am going to have a good retirement. I don't get it either.
(ME): BS 53 years old. Divorce final 8/13/12
After 2 failed marriages, not planning on marrying again.
Isaiah 43: 18,19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
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Posts: 77
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(ME): BS 53 years old. Divorce final 8/13/12
After 2 failed marriages, not planning on marrying again.
Isaiah 43: 18,19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
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There is an awful lot to address here.
Is he willing to do whatever it takes?
He will need to change jobs to one that does not require overnight travel. Or you need the flexibility to go with him on all business trips.
He needs to change everything about his lifestyle that allowed him to have his secret life.
Has he given you full access to his emails, voicemails, text messages etc? Including his work communications?
Are you willing to put in the work for this? Its going to be a big strain on you as well. You are going to reach a point of resentment towards him -- your whole relationship with him is built on lies.
He allowed you to make major life decisions based on false information. How do you fix that?
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WD, he reminds me of my late father. My father was married and divorced 8 times and went through women like water. When he died his "girlfriend" [new GF as far as I knew] turned out to his mistress of 35 years. He would dump her, get married, dump the wife, and go back to the OW for a while until he met someone new. My father was very, very smooth and was able to use women very successfully.
So, I am not at all impressed with your husband's "remorse." Your husband has a long ingrained habit of professional lying and is very, very good at it by now.
My father was a very selfish man who was dangerous to others.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Wow! I am so naive and trusting. I just don't see how anyone can be like that. And here I am feeling sorry for him because he's going to be alone when I divorce him. Lexxy...like Melody Lane said, it has been a marriage built on lies. There is probably no way to fix that.
(ME): BS 53 years old. Divorce final 8/13/12
After 2 failed marriages, not planning on marrying again.
Isaiah 43: 18,19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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My dad's OW told me when he died that she met me when I was a teenager. She had wanted to see his kids so he took us into her bank and introduced us to her. Of course, we had no idea she was his OW.  I called Harley once and asked him about serial cheaters. He said that many are just addicted to cheating. He said others have anti-social personalities who really shouldn't marry. Here is the clip: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=578Have you done a background check on this guy?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Well, what I am saying is your WH is not marriage material.
His first 3 XW did not think so, unless he has shown a huge conversion of spirit and life...
What is different now? I am so sorry for you, but I am not seeing the basic building blocks in place for recovery. Not within you, but withing the quality of man you have found yourself with.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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I agree, barbiecat. I was easily pulled in.
(ME): BS 53 years old. Divorce final 8/13/12
After 2 failed marriages, not planning on marrying again.
Isaiah 43: 18,19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
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