I'm unclear as to why you are blaming your husband for this email.

Sorry to be unclear. He responded to her and a couple of them sat in his outbox. He tried to say that she contacted him first but when I tried to go back and undelete them it was obvious they were having a conversation.

Thanks, BH, that makes things a lot clearer.

What does your WH say about these emails? Why was he communicating with her?

Have you considered asking him to take a polygraph exam?

Sounds like a good idea

"If you have nothing to hide, then there's no sweat"

He says that she was sending "Happy New Year greetings" and the emails were about a building that they both used to work at. He did say that "you saw what was said and nothing was out of context". That is why he sat down and sent another NC email saying to not contact him again.[/quote]



Yes, I have asked him and have offered to take one also. He said, "let's set it up".

Its hard to fill someone's lovebank when they are still in touch with the OP. This is why nc is so essential. The scary part is that he has not adopted EP's himself. He leaves it up to you to catch him and doesn't take this seriously.

So she sent out a feeler to see what his response would be, and he bit. Not good. This is how affairs reignite. He should have immediately shown you the contents of the email and should have blocked the new address so she couldn't breech NC again.

He is playing fast and loose with your feelings and your sense of safety.

I'd get that poly scheduled.

I asked him what is it you need? He had told me to stop my AO and "verbal abuse", which I have.

Also, this is what really bothers me, is that he needs me to put his EP in place. It makes me feel like a parent, and I've told him this. I have also asked him "why be married if you can't be happy with one person?" Why not just stay single?

BH, I would hold him accountable for his own EPs. He needs to take ownership. And it is clear he has not done that.

So I should get Plan B ready? I already know that I will have to move and not him (have already talked to the cops about this and he knows this).

The EP that are in place:

We work together now (so we are on the same shift and drive to work together).
I have the cell phone and we share the number.
He doesn't go on the computer without me.
I have all passwords.

So I thought we were on the right track.

BH,

Can you two change the email addy? We always advise doing that vs blocking because, as you can see, all the OP has to do is send from a different addy.

Also in your EP plan it should be written what the procedure is if ANY of the OW makes ANY type of contact at all. (ie, he should NOT respond and report any such contact to you IMMEDIATELY)

Thirdly, what is your WH's understanding of what will happen if he breaks NC? Has this been discussed?

I will have to ask at work and see what they say. I did look at his blocked senders and it wasn't on there a different address of hers was.

Yes this was one of our EP and he did tell me last time she contacted him, but not this time. With his BPD and bi-polar we have our plates pretty full.

He knows I will be leaving but he doesn't ever want to discuss it.

If he is saying things like this, it shows he has done absolutely nothing to learn how to use this program to build a safe and fulfilling marriage.

You have absolutely no hope if he does not get with the program. I am sorry. You cannot work the program by yourself. He should be here posting, and he should be on the radio with Dr. Harley, and he should have himself a shelf full of Marriage Builders books.

Hmm. No, this isn't acceptable. A break in NC trumps everything. It's not something that a remorseful wayward would allow to slip his mind. It's not like forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning on the way home.

I guess then I need to plan for Plan B? I'm going to see if he will call Dr. Harley on the radio show. I'm starting to feel like I'm doing all the work.

Exactly why I'm so frustrtated. I don't even know if it's a False Recovery because I feel like maybe we weren't even on the road to recovery. I've been checking everything and we are always together and he still finds a way?

MB hit it on the head, "if you can't handle the responsibilitys of having a positive, safe, fufilling relationship with me, then sorry, its over,"

Break in NC trumps everything

Ok I just need some feedback to check if I'm off "kilter".

His psychiatrist adjusted his meds and it's been much better because he isn't a "zombie" anymore.

We are spending all our time together and actually having some UA time now because he isn't so "medicated" and tired all the time and depressed.

I'm doing really well with meeting his needs and not doing any LB's.

So what's wrong? Well it doesn't feel "right". I read on here all the time how you meet their needs and make a romantic marriage that things will be good.

WH told me that he wants to make a trip to see his dad in TX(we had been talking all along to make this together) and he said he wants to make it alone. I asked him why I can't go and he said "what will you do when I go fishing and go bowling with my dad?" I said "you know I love doing those things and so why can't I go?" He said fine you can go. I said we should POJA and discuss this at another time if we can't come to an excited agreement.

He said he wants to spend time alone with his dad because his dad is getting along in age.

So my question is; should I let him go by himself? He never wanted to go see his dad before by himself. Why now? He said that it's because he wants some alone time with his dad and what will I do when he is with his dad?

Am I worrying over nothing?