And you may never know. I got blasted for exposing my wife's affair from some of her family, but I don't care. I don't know that state of my wife's affair and as mortarman told me, you have to assume it's still active. You need to Plan A no matter what the circumstance is and follow the plan until it's time to Plan B.

Text her if she initiates (which she seems to do), don't initiate. Then comes the question. How do you explain your change to her? If asked, you could tell her the truth. Will you tell her the truth?

OTH - I'm sorry, but you lost me.

My WW seldom initiates discussion that doesn't have to do with the kids.

I'm not sure I follow you on explaining changes. And which truth are you referring. Really lost for some reason.

In Plan A it's ok to initiate contact. Like I told you earlier, she may not respond or in a way you desire, just do it a few times a day. Some times I'll get a negative reaction and say I'm sorry you feel that way. Don't explain or act needy. Just show you care and you're interested in her. It seems to work some times for me.

GJM, read this in your thread and it got me thinking. I had to chase my wife back in the beginning to get her. I highly doubt that OM had to do much chasing, if any to 'get' my WW. I don't know if she just flirted with the OM to reel him in, or if she was introduced. I have a feeling it was the latter.

In the state of mind she was in (in regards to her feelings for me and the M), I would say that the OM didn't have to work very hard to catch her. Therefore, there was no thrill of the hunt, it was easy for him. And girls like to be chased after, so where was the thrill in that for her? I'm sure she doesn't realize that now, but some day might. What's to say that he doesn't think it was easy to reel her in, would be just as easy to reel another one in?

Statistics aside, common sense and logic tell me that there's no way that this 'relationship' they have will last. How can one trust the other? Of course, who knows the state of our M by the time that sinks in.

Dr Harley says affairs will die because of exposure or will last no longer than 2 years usually. I did chase my wife. I still do. Not in a scary way, but with compliments and invitations to do things. I often wonder what she would do if I just cut all contact. That's where Plan B comes in, but you need to have a good plan A first. Butter her up and then cut her off.

I read that also, that they would die out within 2 years. But, I also read somewhere that the affair may begin to crumble 6 months after D-Day.

Can any vets comment on this?

Vets (and GJM), I have a question. I pulled this from GJM's thread. At this point in his thread, the OM was thought to be pretty much out of the picture, unlike my situation (so I believe). So techinically, for GJM, his Plan A was geared towards infidelity recovery. This included things like giving flowers, etc. - gestures geared towards true courting.

In my case do acts of true courting work while the A is active? I do compliment her. Last time I did that she said "stop...but thanks...". But I guess like GJM has been telling me, just do it and don't worry about her reply.

Vets - has their been any cases where expressing too much conversation or compliments to WW during Plan A has had a detrimental affect on the outcome?

I'm just trying to work out my Plan A. Not that I'm setting myself up for expectations, I'm not, but obviously one does want to do their best at this.

You are taking two years too literal. This is no sell by date as on a bottle of milk.

Most affairs end by two years.

Things is there is a recent poster that had a WW doing the OM for ten years.

Then there have been many WS that had one one night stand.

So an affair can end before and well after the two year mark as well as the moment the WS puts their clothes back on after the first time. Do not place importance this wide range of time intervals or even the six month mark that you maybe using as a mark to hope for.

Trynng to nail down a mark is useless. It can be an attempt to get oneself hope. But what will one do when their imaginary end date (six months) passes and the affair continues?

Thing is if using the a change of wording from most/usually/often in front the the two year mark helps you to understand that the odds are in the BS's favor that the affair will end by then.

Remember talking odds not guarantees.

Once the hour glass is turned, the two year mark begins. uring this time the BH does a super plan A for six moths (D. Harley says planA for BW is best shorter because it tens to be to hard on most, but if a girl is tough enough....) then followed by Plan B so the BS really doing something to end this affair throughout this two year time even though they do not see anything positive happening they are.

Positive is happening the BS are fighting the good fight.

Vets (and GJM), I have a question. I pulled this from GJM's thread. At this point in his thread, the OM was thought to be pretty much out of the picture, unlike my situation (so I believe). So techinically, for GJM, his Plan A was geared towards infidelity recovery. This included things like giving flowers, etc. - gestures geared towards true courting.

In my case do acts of true courting work while the A is active? I do compliment her. Last time I did that she said "stop...but thanks...". But I guess like GJM has been telling me, just do it and don't worry about her reply.

Vets - has their been any cases where expressing too much conversation or compliments to WW during Plan A has had a detrimental affect on the outcome?

I'm just trying to work out my Plan A. Not that I'm setting myself up for expectations or hope - I'm not, but obviously one does want to do their best at this.

SW plan A is not to beg, try and educate the WW, be a doormat, appear needy, weak.

Plan A is to show WW the new and improved you. Not by telling her but by showing her. Actions are needed for WW to observe and observe continually to feel the changes are permanent.

Plan A is also to meet all of WW needs. WW sees that you can meet all of her needs she doesn't need the OM who is only meeting some of her needs.

WW then say's why have two men when I can have one man that is meeting all my needs, my husband. Affair ends.

If getting flowers for no reason is something a BH did but stopped a long time ago then do it now. If never done in the past and WW likes to get flowers for no reason then do it now.

Don't go over board, Single rose bouquet. Leave on kitchen table as suprise. Don't wait for WW to ask to take out garbage. Get WW to do fun family activities to see WW can have fun with you.

WW declines activities do them any way. Let WW see the fun she is missing out on.

Plan A is show casing yourself. That she can be happy with you.
Sort of like courting.

TR - Thanks for the info. Knew there was no set date to aim for or build up hopes for. I guess just looking for the averages based on peoples experiences here. So probably best just not to worry about it.

It is hard not trying to pin any hopes on statistics or even little oddities that one sees from their WS.

I felt that I was actually doing better for myself when I was doing an unofficial Plan B prior to posting my story out here, and learning that I should be doing a Plan A. However, I am very satisfied to know that Plan A is the correct route for my current situation. Also good to know that Plan A should be run for 6 months. Even though it's been 6 months since my D-Day, I never knew of the MB website initially, and was trying to do some type of Plan A before she moved out. So technically, I'm resetting the 6 month clock on my Plan A since I posted on here.

A little more challenging in my case since she moved out into her own apartment. But I did always send her flowers out of the blue in the past. Other than for our anniversary last October, I stopped doing this after D-Day. Good to know I can continue this occasionally.

I'm resetting the 6 month clock on my Plan A since I posted on here.

Can't do more then that. Good job.

The key is to do things for you and your children. Make yourself feel good. I have a hard time with this, but I'm getting better at it. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. I stated in my thread that I would rather invade Iraq all over again than have to endure this pain that I live with each day. That's how strongly I feel about this.

It's good to reset the clock and you have a positive attitude. I know you can do it. It's hard to have the "James Bond" attitude, but when you feel like you can't talk to your wife or see her without feeling emotional, take a step back so she doesn't see you in that state.

Took DD to her dentist appt this morning. While waiting, I texted WW and asked if she wanted to go out to lunch with us. By the time she got back, it was almost too late. She replied "Prob not. Thanks for asking tho". In her defense, I did text rather late cause DD appt was at 11:00. Should have texted her this morning.

She then texted asking about taxes - when I'm doing them and what are the plans for them. Said getting Turbotax this weekend and hadn't thought what to do with them yet.

Then I went on texting to discuss financial aid sign-up for DS's college. Told her roughly the costs. Said it wouldn't be cheap. She said no it wouldn't, but there must be some alternatives. I replied yes, either he helps out with a job and/or we foot the remainder.

The ramifications of her having her own apartment and trying to live a single lifestyle, will most likely cripple our ability to help DS with college. This fact has not sunk in for WW yet. Once we get taxes done, fill out the FAFSA form, and find out what the final numbers are going to be, I think it's going to put a huge dent in her little fantasy world.

Will it result in change? Additional guilt? Remorse? Only time and the SS amounts will tell.

I think I would rather invade Iraq, Iran, and Afghanistan all by myself and with no military training, than go through this.

Next time you text her to invite her to do something as a family and she asks about finances or something, don't engage in conversation to her benefit. Or at least wait a while before you text back. That way she sees that you're not on standby to her every whims. My W kept asking me for passwords to things and I told her when she was ready to rebuild our marriage with me, I would discuss these things with her. She was furious. She never did get the passwords.

Interesting response from WW. We were texting about financial aid and she said we should use her income (cause it's a little less than mine). I replied we have to use both. She replied no we don't. I replied that when you fill out FAFSA form, it sucks down 2011 tax info from IRS.

She replied "I guess we will hafta use last years taxes...so ur right...we will hafta use both incomes".

I don't know how to read that. I guess she was thinking about just using her income on the form. But we're only doing a trial separation, not a legal separation. So in the eyes of the law and IRS, we're married and not legally separated. So I don't know what she was thinking about only using her income. Unless she is thinking in her foggy mind that we would be divorced at some point, I don't know.

I hope I don't jinx myself by saying this, but WW has never told me to my face that she wants a D. Throughout all this over the past 6 months, she only said once in a text a couple weeks before Christmas that "she thought we should get the divorce started". She told me this in a text when she was BIG TIME pissed off at her brothers. By the content of that text, you could tell she was feeling sorry for herself and looking for pity, so I ignored it, not replying back. She hasn't mentioned a D since.

She did mention to me in a phone conversation about a month ago, once again when she was pissed off at her brothers, "my brothers can invite my soon-to-be-exhusband up north, but not me". So I guess you could say she alluded to the fact, but like I said, she never has told me to my face, only those other two times where she was looking for pity.

Anyone have thoughts on this? If it's something she wants, then why not go for it?

I think I do need to read 'The Art of War'.