I think a lot of us have been on board with encouraging him to fight the fight and Plan A his [censored] off..and he's done that admirably.
I wish I had a buck for all the threads I've read here. From Mortarman, Bob Pure, YOURS, etc. I've read them all and subscribe to the concepts. I truly do
Of course he will have doubts! Hell, we all have doubts about every decision we make in life. I want him to make the right decisions too for his situation.

Look, G has been hammered with yet another revelation. And it's very painful. Right now my concern is for HIM! That's all. I didn't mean to turn this into a pissing contest about who's right or wrong, so I'll respectfully bow out.

Sorry for the t/j GJM. My sincerest apologies

TW, I'm sorry you took it as a "pissing contest" I took it as encouraging a poster to stick to HIS plans, and to teaching the MANY posters who are reading this thread now, and in the future, about what it means to stick to Plan A in the face of "revelations" and the emotions that follow. AS you well know(since you said you have read my thread) I have walked the walk.

I don't really believe it was much of a T/J either. It was educational, as all great MB debates are.

Meh, okay. My apologies for taking it the wrong way. I'm taking care of an Alzheimer's mother right now and having a not so great day myself. Again, I'm sorry.

You're right though; this board is about the the MB concepts and the collective intelligence and experiences of all that have been through this unfortunate crap to advise posters on a course of action through THEIR eyes and experiences. I'm giving through mine, and you're giving through yours...a true Plan B'er.

You have my respect Scotty, as does indie. You are 2 women to be admired, and I truly mean that.

Gunny...I'm going torepeat a little bit what others have said here. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. Well, except you know that she has a different cell phone, used to communicate with ANYONE. Even an affair partner. So, let's assume that is what she is doing (same thing happened with my wife...I didnt handle it well. I smashed the phone!).

So, take inventory where you are at...

1. She has a new phone and thus can be contacting OM or other OMs. This is new info.

2. She lives on her own, and thus can contact the OM/OMs anytime she wants through other methods...including meeting in person. This you knew.

3. She has still been coming around, hanging out with you, doing things with you. This you knew.

4. You are in Plan A...doing the things in the plan. This you also knew.

5. She has expressed herself waivering at times lately. This you also knew.

Okay, so take stock of this above. Has anything REALLY changed from what you knew before finding out about this phone?

Nope!

What WILL change is if you take this hurt from this and change your Plan A approach. If you launch into her or even question her about it. Or change your demeanor around her. She may be on the edge of coming back (you dont know) and you may undermine it.

This is why folks keep telling you to work the plan. Because it works no matter what you know, how much intel you have...or what she is doing. If she is going or coming, it makes no difference. The plan is the same!

Think about this a second. She has this phone (and you dont know how long she has had it). And maybe she is missing you and wants to be around you and the kids. At the very least, she has allowed you to Plan A her and meet needs. Does the phone change anything in this? Not for her! She is still where she is...it is you that is upset and thinking a whole bunch of things you dont have evidence for.

So, as the folks here said...come vent here. But you stay on message! Gor just a little while longer.

Plan B is coming. Your rest is coming. Unlike most of the 6 months...the last little while, she has given you the ability to Plan A her. I think you need a little longer in doing that...put a few more coins in the love bank. Of course, that is only if you still have anything left in you. If not, then Plan B must happen immediately. But I dont think you are worn out yet.

So, finish Plan A. Shortly, we will help you plan out Plan B so you can launch it effectively. By the way, the cell phone you pay for gets cut off the first day of Plan B. In that way, you save YOUR money AND it forces her to use the new phone to do ALL of her communicating.

There will be many more upsetting things over this whole thing. Even if she comes back tomorrow, there will be things you find out that will make you wonder why you married her, and why you went after her now. It comes with the territory, I am afraid.

S, keep us uptodate. Vent here. Let us know your love bank level. And lets finish this. Personally, I think just a few days/weeks more and Plan B will be here. Not long now.

TW,

You didn't t/j. I appreciate your concern.

Well she came for dinner. I didn't LB at all. We shared a laugh and she stayed for about 45 min.

Scotty, I am working on my PB letter. It will take some time to finish, but I want it to be as perfect as possible. That way when I give it to her, I will have done and said all I can say. I will post it for review when I'm done. At that time, I will need to ask someone here to be my IM if I can't find one nearby. Thanks.

MM,

All I can say is thanks. You're right. I just don't know. I'm not bailing yet. Boots on the ground.

I just want to call that number and say "hey what's up?" lol...probably wouldn't go so well though. As a communication-electronics technician, I really hate technology. It has made too many affairs possible.

GJM,

If you can't find anyone local, let me know through the mods.

Thanks CV!

Thanks CV! [/quote]

AWESOME CV. An AMAZING IM is the backbone of a great Plan B.

GJM, write up that letter, and let's get you ready, so when you need Plan B, you can use it. Have you read MarriedForever's thread about how to Plan B correctly?

Yes, I've read it several times. I woke up this morning and asked myself if I have another day. I do...I do

Today is my son's birthday. He is 12. He is so disappointed about the lack of funds to do things, he doesn't want anything and he doesn't want to do anything. I feel terrible. My W called me this morning and actually took control of the situation by planning out the whole weekend. She said the kids were milking our situation. I said that it's not easy to just put a time limit on grieving. We're all having a hard time with this.

We'll see how things go, but Happy Birthday DS12!

GJM,

A special hand made card can be so special from the Dad he deserves, let your wife deal with her own part in all this, do your part........make that boys feel so special regardless of the situation.....
(hugs)

Jessitaylor,

Thank you for the idea. I think I will make him his card while he's at school.

When my W called me this morning, I had to get off the phone. I started to get emotional because the pain I felt for my kids and I was getting to me.

My other son's birthday is tomorrow. He will be 9. Can't believe they have to go through this.

I've said this a million times. I'm about 2 years further along than you, and I still say it almost every day.

Unfortunately for your WW, one day she'll start saying it too. And it will be her fault.

A lifetime of regret awaits her. And she's too blind to see it.

A few weeks ago my DS (9) was joking around about a dream that he had about STBXWH still living here at home. I asked him some Qs, letting him know he could talk to me about whatever feelings he was having.

One second he was laughing and the next, he got very emotional and told me that when he grows up, he will build a time travel machine and go back to when he was 8 when we were all still a family. Talk about heart-wrenching...

At least the kids have you, GJM, and you are fighting for your family and for them...and they will always know that no matter what happens. Hang in there

Hi TE,

Thanks for posting. I agree. That's why it's important for a great Plan A from me so she sees it sooner. That way when I go into Plan B, she will go into think mode and replay her decisions in her mind. That's what I'm hoping will happen anyway.

Oh wow...that's heartbreaking and sweet at the same time. Thanks for posting SQ. My birthday boy is holding onto a lot of anguish. I can see it on his face. He looks at me some times without even blinking and tears will roll down his face. He is having to embrace this situation the best way he can and it tears me apart. We lean on each other during times when one of us is feeling down. He's a great kid, but I'm afraid of what this is turning him into.

Anytime, GJM...

I have been wanting to tell you that I have noticed you have come such a long way from when you first got here. And you are doing a great job in your postings to others.

Keep it up!