I worry that my children don't know just how loved they are. It stresses me out because I enforce a lot of rules on the children and hold them accountable for everything they do. I just hope they know I do it for them.

Gunny, what Scotland is saying is true. During our mess, I was the guy setting rules, taking them to school, making sure homework was done, etc.

At my wife's place, it was about watching movies and eating ice cream.

At first, I was like "how can I compete with movies and ice cream when I have to enforce all of this?"

But my kids now, years later, turn to me constantly. And sometimes my wife is saddened by that...as they tend to come to me, especially on the hard things.

Unfortunately for her, this is a consequence of what happened. But in my case, it does verify what I did for them...and that they indeed noticed.

MM, what an encouraging post. I've had similar thoughts as GJM because my WxW spoils our DD with all sorts of things as if to be trying to buy her way out of all that she's done.

At Christmas, I bought DD a book called "Our Together-time Bible" with 52 children's devotional stories. I figured I would teach her biblical principles whether WxW did or not. And guess, what? She absolutely loves the time we spend reading and discussing the stories. When she's with me, she makes sure to point out that we have a story to read before she goes to bed (its not like I would forget).

I guess the moral of the story is just be the best parent you can be. Teach your kids right and wrong. Teach them about life. They will notice and appreciate it.

Its called "Our Together-time Bible" and its geared towards the younger kids (DD is 8). I'm sure there are similar books for all ages. Go to your local Christian book store and just look around. I'm sure you could find something.

Here's a funny story regarding this devotional time from just this week...

After I picked DD up, we were talking and she ends up telling me that she tells her classmates at lunch everyday that her mom is coming to keep a seat open for her best friend. I then started discussing with her about lying and that she not telling the truth. She said they were not allowed to save seats so she used her story. I told her it was wrong and that I wanted her to stop it immediately. She said okay.

So we get to my apartment and she wants to look in the book to see what our story was gonna be about (we have our place bookmarked). It was about telling the truth. When she read it, you should have seen the look on her face. That couldn't have happened at a more opportune time. It was great!

Its called "Our Together-time Bible" and its geared towards the younger kids (DD is 8). I'm sure there are similar books for all ages. Go to your local Christian book store and just look around. I'm sure you could find something.

Here's a funny story regarding this devotional time from just this week...

After I picked DD up, we were talking and she ends up telling me that she tells her classmates at lunch everyday that her mom is coming to keep a seat open for her best friend. I then started discussing with her about lying and that she not telling the truth. She said they were not allowed to save seats so she used her story. I told her it was wrong and that I wanted her to stop it immediately. She said okay.

So we get to my apartment and she wants to look in the book to see what our story was gonna be about (we have our place bookmarked). It was about telling the truth. When she read it, you should have seen the look on her face. That couldn't have happened at a more opportune time. It was great!

GJM - I'm actively reading your thread - up to pg 115. There are some comments I want to make, but I'm going to wait until I catch up.

This is the first year since 1997 that I didn't bring in the new year with my WW. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but it hurt not spending it with her.

1986 for me. And you're right, hurt like hell.

Even though I did a slight F/U, I didn't do it angrily. I said it matter-of-factly. I showed her that although I am a nice guy, I have limits. It was good enough for an apology and a hug. I think some times people need to stand up for themselves. I needed to show her that yes, I'm still a man. I still deserve to be treated with common decency. The constant apologies sound redundant and I'm sure she gets tired of hearing them. If I was constantly taking the F/U approach, I can see where I would be wrong. I merely took a small stand and it payed off.

Ok, I have 40 pages to go in your story and I will stay up late to finish it, but I have to ask you something right now - because I've noticed that you go back and forth between Plan A and Plan D.

Are you still in plan A even though you filed?

Hello GJM,

I requested a move of my story to MB101 because my post that you responded to does not involve an ongoing affair at all. My wife had a relationship with some guy in one of the nursing homes back a couple of years ago but I realize it was because she felt abandoned at the time. My situation involves physical separation. When I came on here a couple of years ago it just honestly felt good to get some support in my situation. I realize my sit is different so is why I am looking to find another more specific support.

All I can say GJm is thanks for even your comment! I wish you the best. Sometimes maybe, no matter what faith you are, just maybe before you fall asleep recite 'hail Mary" a couple of times. you never know.

Tom

All I ask now is two things. Number one is that His will be done, not mine. And number two, that he shows me walls and doors. Walls and doors are nothing but this...

In the Bible, it says that He is a lamp unto our feet. What does that mean? Well, in that day, the lamp they were talking about was a lamp with a candle in it...illuminating the path of a traveller at night. Well, how far does a candle illuminate? Not too far! Maybe a few steps in front of you.

But I have NO IDEA what lies down the road. It might be a dead end. It might be a cliff. I have no clue. And that is the point! When I pray "walls and doors," I am saying to Him "Jesus, I can only see a few steps in front. I am trusting you. So, I will pray for you to show me walls and doors. If the path I am on, if the decision I am making is not YOUR will, then please put a wall in front of me so I dont go over the cliff. If it is your will, then show me a door to go through."

Since I have done that...since I have relinguished my will to control my path...guess what? I have gotten walls and doors.

So, when I have designs to do something...but then it just seems to be getting harder and harder to do...and I cant get it done...I look up and ask "is this a wall?" And I quickly find out that even though I wanted to do this thing, it wasnt His will. And so I thank him, make a left or right face (or even an about face sometimes)...and we continue.

My relationship with Christ is one of beginnings. He walks with me. At times I stumble. But instead of laughing at me, or admonishing me, He just reaches down, picks me up, dusts me off...and we begin again. One foot in front of the other.

This is where you need to get to. You CANNOT control what is going on in the foxhole next to you. All you can do is concentrate on what is between your sector stakes...and let God handle the rest.

One last thing...my favorite general of all time once said "Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain." General Robert E. Lee

You are about to become VERY wise.

MM, what you wrote is incredible. I choked up several times trying to read through this. I'm saving this off to read over and over as I fight this battle.

As I progress through GJM's thread, the advice everyone gives him, is also dramatically helping me. It is true that waywards all follow the same script. Humans only have so many emotions, pieces to a puzzle if you will. Even though the pieces are the same, it's how the wayward puts the puzzle together that keeps us guessing.