|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I just got a response from a WASP friend who gets embarrassed by everything, who didn't understand the point and questioned the whole thing. WASPs keep everything repressed though. I've gotten support from 3 other friends and my aunt.
But, I will not be ashamed! This is not my shame! How could he this to another human being, this is extremely painful. people cannot get away with this kind of destructive insensitive behavior.
. Bravo to you!!! That is exactly the right attitude! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 61
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 61 |
Looking at her friends I have no idea of her relationships. I looked it up by last name but I can't even tell if this is her family. She's unfriended me I see.
9/2011-11/2011 EA started
1/25/2012 PA started, discovered via an iPhone app & WH confirmed.
Looked for ways to cope, found MB and got into Plan A
2/7/2012 Last time H was home; 2/8/2012 Exposure
2/13/2012 Plan B letter sent
Me 31, WH 33
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 61
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 61 |
Oh and this "How could he this to another human being, this is extremely painful. people cannot get away with this kind of destructive insensitive behavior" is actually a Harley quote I pulled from the radio  Listening to him talk about exposure helped.
9/2011-11/2011 EA started
1/25/2012 PA started, discovered via an iPhone app & WH confirmed.
Looked for ways to cope, found MB and got into Plan A
2/7/2012 Last time H was home; 2/8/2012 Exposure
2/13/2012 Plan B letter sent
Me 31, WH 33
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Looking at her friends I have no idea of her relationships. I looked it up by last name but I can't even tell if this is her family. She's unfriended me I see. Ok, copy and paste her contacts into a word doc for safekeeping. Send out PMs with the fb exposure letter that asks the contact to have her parents call you. Do you see that letter?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 61
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 61 |
First response from him in a text: "To be clear: it's over. I don't really want to talk to you right now, but we'll need to soon start divorce stuff."
Reply: "These are the consequences of your actions. My position, everything I've said through this has not changed. I expect your fury fully. Give her up or come pack your things."
Phew, aaaaahhh getting v nervous. Trying to ride it out. Hard. What I meant by "my position" is about doing anything for our marriage.
9/2011-11/2011 EA started
1/25/2012 PA started, discovered via an iPhone app & WH confirmed.
Looked for ways to cope, found MB and got into Plan A
2/7/2012 Last time H was home; 2/8/2012 Exposure
2/13/2012 Plan B letter sent
Me 31, WH 33
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Three you are a LEGEND!
What are you nervous about? How AWESOME that reply was?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
He cant even commit to 'not talking' - said in the same sentence as this! He might just as well have replied - Mommmy! Where'd my Cake go? 
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 61
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 61 |
Ok ok thank you. I need you guys today. I'm tired, freaking. Trying to stay calm.
9/2011-11/2011 EA started
1/25/2012 PA started, discovered via an iPhone app & WH confirmed.
Looked for ways to cope, found MB and got into Plan A
2/7/2012 Last time H was home; 2/8/2012 Exposure
2/13/2012 Plan B letter sent
Me 31, WH 33
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Great job! Keep up the good work. I would send out some exposure letters to her family to keep up the pressure.
And you did the right thing in demanding he end the affair. Tell him there is not room in a marriage for 3 people and he needs to end his affair. Otherwise he should move out.
You are doing great!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Hugs three  I am proud to know you. You are kicking azz.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
Ok ok thank you. I need you guys today. I'm tired, freaking. Trying to stay calm. You're doing great!
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 61
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 61 |
Thank you thank you. I am starting to have doubts. Are you sure I shouldn't have let the carrot plan keep on? Uuughhhh but last night I felt so abused, I was sobbing so so hard. There was no other choice but this even if I haven't seen a lawyer yet. He is drowning himself, projecting his self-hate onto me. I wish he could see and value just how much I love him.
9/2011-11/2011 EA started
1/25/2012 PA started, discovered via an iPhone app & WH confirmed.
Looked for ways to cope, found MB and got into Plan A
2/7/2012 Last time H was home; 2/8/2012 Exposure
2/13/2012 Plan B letter sent
Me 31, WH 33
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Plan A is a 2 part plan of thE carrot and the stick. Exposure is the KEYSTONE of plan a. It is the most potent weapon you have in saving your marriage. If anything can save your marriage, exposure can. There are no guarantees, but this gives you the best chance. So stop second guessing yourself and prepare for all the threats from yoUr husBand! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
I wish he could see and value just how much I love him. I know. I wish the same for my WH. It gets much, much better. The pain diminishes in Plan B.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
P.s. don't skip exposing thE OW! You need to go after her with a vengeNce!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 61
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 61 |
I went after her by emailing her company. With her FB contacts I don't really know what to make of it.
9/2011-11/2011 EA started
1/25/2012 PA started, discovered via an iPhone app & WH confirmed.
Looked for ways to cope, found MB and got into Plan A
2/7/2012 Last time H was home; 2/8/2012 Exposure
2/13/2012 Plan B letter sent
Me 31, WH 33
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I went after her by emailing her company. With her FB contacts I don't really know what to make of it. Do your best to find her parents and family. A workplace exposure is not nearly as impactful as a Facebook exposure. Just start sending out Facebook letters and you may hit pay dirt. The reason this is so important is because it can ruin the OWs plan of bringIng your husband into her family. Don't skip this step, .
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 61
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 61 |
Ok, I sent messages to anyone who didn't seem underage and who had the same last name. And some others. Feeling weak, I guess at 3:30 I should actually eat something.
9/2011-11/2011 EA started
1/25/2012 PA started, discovered via an iPhone app & WH confirmed.
Looked for ways to cope, found MB and got into Plan A
2/7/2012 Last time H was home; 2/8/2012 Exposure
2/13/2012 Plan B letter sent
Me 31, WH 33
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860 |
Ok, I sent messages to anyone who didn't seem underage and who had the same last name. And some others. Feeling weak, I guess at 3:30 I should actually eat something. Send to everyone on OW FB list.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
Ok, I sent messages to anyone who didn't seem underage and who had the same last name. And some others. Feeling weak, I guess at 3:30 I should actually eat something. Google her name on www.intelius.com and see what you can get. it will often return associated names that you can buy for a small fee on that site (I think I spent about 2 bucks when I used it.)I have also used this site for my job. It's been pretty reliable.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
148
guests, and
41
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,661
Posts2,323,621
Members72,372
| |
Most Online9,682
May 13th, 2026
|
|
|
|
