Melody and or Pepper what to you think?

TR - That was my take on what MelodyLane was getting at - and at this point I think it makes sense. In 26 years, I�ve never known my wife to build wooden horses. She takes the path of least resistance and lives for the moment. The words planning, objectives, and goals do not exist in her vocabulary. From knowing her and observing her recent behaviors, she�s living her �single� lifestyle and not taking into consideration how this will impact her future. She does miss the kids, so that is having an impact on her.

Jessi - interesting that you mention this. I was doing just this prior to posting my story on MB several weeks ago. Not answering her texts right away, not getting sucked into her rants and drama. The not getting back to her in a timely fashion (or even at all) really got her torqued. So that appeared to impact her. With a stellar Plan A, then Plan B, I think having no contact would cause her to go ballistic. Then again, maybe not. As TR referred, shaking the magic 8 ball is akin to speculation.

However, when I posted my story and MelodyLane replied that I should work on a stellar Plan A, and not do some of the things I was doing that are counter to Plan A, well it both confused and got me thinking.

So guys, I think you have me on the right track, I'm just readjusting myself.

I've been working on realigning myself to Plan A since I first posted on here (1/29/12) and discovered I really should be in Plan A, not a 'loose' Plan B. Initial exposure was back in August. I really didn't know about MB back then. Was more or less doing a 'loose' Plan A while WW was still living in the house.

So I technically reset my Plan A time frame since posting on here. My schedule is to do Plan A up to 6 months if necessary, gauging the results as I go to determine if Plan B is warranted.

Another quick question. Please keep in mind, I'm asking these so I know that I'm on the right track.

Yesterday for going out to dinner, the kids and I decided on 6:30 and DD relayed that to WW - and she was ok with that. Then yesterday morning she texted whether we could do 5:30. I texted that 7:00 would work, giving her more time. She replied back that she had plans to meet her GF as the reason for requesting an earlier time. I stood my ground and nicely replied that 6:30 worked the best for the kids and I, and that we would love to have her join us.

She then replied that she would be there at 6:30, not pushing the issue any more.

My question: In the past I would almost always compromise to make sure that my wife was happy. It was never a 'Yes Dear' relationship, but I'm flexible and easy going, so whatever she wanted to do was usually fine with me. Although a woman does not want to have a man that is controlling, would she have seen the way that I always compromised for her in the past as being weak, or a pushover? I never got that impression from her, ever.

So when I stood firm and nicely said yesterday that we are sticking with our original plans and would love to have her join us, that she somewhere in the depths of her mind saw this as a show of strength and confidence? Standing on my own?

Maybe, but what is your goal here? We all speculate different things about WS, but things like this you will never know. Try not to drive yourself crazy wondering what your W thinks.

Adjust your plan according to her actions. What you did seemed to work at the time. Maybe you can see if she has plans on Saturday and take her to do something enjoyable. Go get coffee or something.

Keep that list of EN's at the top of mind.

I would try to do one thing per category / per week.

Stick to:

Domestic Support -- invite her for meals, keep the house looking great, make a change in the house and ask for her participation/opinion

Admiration -- try to fit in a sincere, not over the top compliment. Stay away from her appearance, focus more on accomplishments.

Family -- include her in son's college planning, try to fit in a family trip SERIOUSLY. I know you're worried about money (but divorce is more expensive than fixing the marriage). At the very least pitch it to her and get her input.

Still,

You asked for a plan, and so I will share my thoughts right beside the advice you recieved today.

The Plan A advice you have is dead on. Plan A all the way. Here is what jumps out at me...don't confuse Plan A with Plan C or Plan Doormat. Plan A = Carrot ana the Stick, and what my perception here is, there is no stick.

I could be terribly wrong, but I don't have any indication of where exposure and confronting OM has had any impact on your WW at all. That tells me that you have done "some" exposure, but not nearly the nuke that needs to happen. I hear a milky exposure. I also hear that you "can't" find any data on OM. Is that correct? He is not married, so you can't find data?

I am asking as, back to my harsh response yesterday, I hear very milk-toast from you. I have not heard or read the hell-come-forth on this OM, and/or on this A. Maybe I am wrong, but what I read is Plan Compromise, fold, try not to piss off WW. I read fear.

And, with that perception I will leave you to the folks that are better suited to help you, and they will. Trust them.

I just have major trouble with Plan Doormat, and that's what I see here.

Still,

I don't want to discourage you from sharing your struggles here...do so at will. But, stick to the plan.

How to find OM? Go to the operation investigate forum. You WILL find him, and family, and neighbors, and...go to the county auditor website, the civil case county website, the local county website. You will find dates, family, etc. You have to do the homework. You are at WAR. Go to war.

Takes work, my friend. A lot of it, but you will find what you need to find OM info to expose if you choose to.

Well, an interesting development. My wife is wearing a ring on her left finger. Looks like a little promise ring. I texted her and asked what it's for. She just said "really SW?" The she texted "good night".

We're still married. She hasn't even filed, let alone mention divorce in any serious manner and she's wearing a little ring from OM? It's a little plain silver band with two little hearts and a little diamond in each heart.

I responded: "<WW>, is it going to be our kids or this guy? If we divorce we will not have the money to send DS to school. That's reality. Are you willing to sacrifice your kids for this guy? You need to step away from <OM> and sit down and seriously think about <DS> and <DD>."

Still,

This is what I'm trying to tell you. The A is still hot and heavy active. You've gotta do everything to KILL it. That means a nuke exposure. For Pete Sake, go tell this guy that he is DONE with your W. And then, expose, again at once and to all targets today.

You need to kill this A, my friend. And, that has the best chance with exposure. You have exposure letter examples here. Do you need them again?

Hon, none of your words matter. You are trying to reason with a fall-down drunk.

Now is the time -- pissed enough? Ready to fight?

You can get this turned around. Ready now?

You need to kill this adultery with a nuclear bomb exposure.

Get a list of targets tonight and post them here. Think of everyone and anyone who will listen.

KILL THIS ADULTERY!!!

OM needs his colleagues, friends, family to hear you loud and clear.

Get it done and make their lives a living nightmare.

You are being replaced as we speak --- KILL THIS VILE ADULTERY TONIGHT!!!

How did you find out WW had a new ring?

At this point I would call the Harleys. Her actions appear that she is buttering you up to make divorce go easy and all her way.

It appears that it's time to go planB. Do you have a IM in place?

Quoted for Truth.

Surfer, I'm PISSED now.

Guys, this is sudden. I don't have anything in place. I need to clear my head for a little bit.

She was wearing the damn ring right in front of me!

She hasn't replied back yet.

SW, when are you going to learn you can NOT educate a WS??? Dammit, when the hell are you gonna man up???

Okay, sorry to do this, but I'm going to step away from your thread. Your inaction and obvious submission to being cuckolded is simply frustrating beyond belief, and just way too painful to watch. You just can't help someone who isn't willing to help himself.

At least our buddy GJM took some action and busted up his wife's affair. ACTION!! I kind of hoped you would have learned something from him, but I guess I was wrong. I understand where you are coming from though. What the hell could anyone learn about fighting from a Marine?!?!



Sorry for the harsh words. Never been accused of being tactful, but never been accused of not getting my point across either. I can live with that.

Best of luck, and I mean that.