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I'm going to try and stop by one BIL's house and show them the pic. I will get the pic to the other one. He already knows about the FB pic, just hasn't seen it.
Me: 49 WW: 45 Married almost 23 years Together 26+ years DS18 DD15 D-Day: 7/28/11 Separated: 11/18/11 WW filed for D on 2/14/12 (3 days after near full exposure) D final: 9/17/12
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Another text from WW: "Do u realize this will hurt the kids...do u realize stunts like this will get back to the kids....? Ur nuts"
I'm not replying back to her texts. I didn't send the FB messages to anyone but adult family and friends. How can it hurt the kids? They already know she's cheating on their dad with OM. She's in panic mode and damage control now. Don't you see it? Ignore her. You are doing great, but keep it up. Cover every base now!
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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You are the head of your family and taking executive action to protect its security. You are playing hard ball. Period. When I saw the OM's FB profile pic with my wife, I felt that he actually crossed the line over towards my family. I felt like he was a threat to my family, like he was trying to destroy my family. What I did by exposing was to bring the truth out and protect my family from him. I wanted other people to know that this man is invading the sanctity of the marriage and family that my wife and I have. I felt like I needed to protect my kids from this guy. That was the effect that profile photo had on me!
Me: 49 WW: 45 Married almost 23 years Together 26+ years DS18 DD15 D-Day: 7/28/11 Separated: 11/18/11 WW filed for D on 2/14/12 (3 days after near full exposure) D final: 9/17/12
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You are the head of your family and taking executive action to protect its security. You are playing hard ball. Period. When I saw the OM's FB profile pic with my wife, I felt that he actually crossed the line over towards my family. I felt like he was a threat to my family, like he was trying to destroy my family. What I did by exposing was to bring the truth out and protect my family from him. I wanted other people to know that this man is invading the sanctity of the marriage and family that my wife and I have. I felt like I needed to protect my kids from this guy. That was the effect that profile photo had on me! Perfectly stated. The clang is profound right now!
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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stillwaiting, I wanted to add to Dawn's great advice about facebook exposure. Be sure and copy and paste all the contacts into a WORD doc FIRST because once the OM catches onto your gig, he will take down his page.
Please carefully read my exposure thread in my signature.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm sure this will upset WW to the point where she will hold this against me forever, and never come back. Even it if damages her A with OM, she probably will never return. I know how she is - stubborn.
But whatever. The life I'm living now, the limbo that she keeps me in, is not a good way to live either. So this exposure is good. Even if she never comes back, she needs to at least own up to what she's doing.
She has never owned up to what she is doing. She's never said in a calm voice, "SW, I'm sorry for the pain I'm putting you through. I didn't mean to hurt you, but this is what I need to do with my life", or something along those lines. She has never said anything to me in a mature manner. Maybe this will make her finally think about what she's doing. Instead of thinking I'm crazy, maybe realize that what I'm doing is trying to save our marriage. Any decent husband would do this. She can't fault me for that. Maybe someday she will realize that, though it will probably be too later for us.
Hard to say.
Me: 49 WW: 45 Married almost 23 years Together 26+ years DS18 DD15 D-Day: 7/28/11 Separated: 11/18/11 WW filed for D on 2/14/12 (3 days after near full exposure) D final: 9/17/12
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I'm sure this will upset WW to the point where she will hold this against me forever, and never come back. Even it if damages her A with OM, she probably will never return. I know how she is - stubborn. SW, most betrayed husbands believe this, but in actuality, exposure will not stop a WW who wants to come back. Wild horses will not stop her, especially if she is stubborn. Exposure increases the odds of her coming back because it removes the thing that keeps her away: the affair. So don't worry about exposure keeping her away, it won't. If she doesn't come back it will be because of her choices.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I will tell you this too..... she is stating the exact comments most other waywards state when exposure happens.
Exposure will not be the straw that made her refuse to ever rebuild with you.
There is a much BIGGER issue than you having exposed her adultery.
The ADULTERY!
Ride this wave of reaction from all with calmness. No matter what anyone threatens you with or insults they aim at your character.
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I'm sure this will upset WW to the point where she will hold this against me forever, and never come back. Even it if damages her A with OM, she probably will never return. I know how she is - stubborn. Don't go making projections right now. You have no idea what effect this is going to have long term. Just focus on the task at hand.
But whatever. The life I'm living now, the limbo that she keeps me in, is not a good way to live either. So this exposure is good. Even if she never comes back, she needs to at least own up to what she's doing.
She has never owned up to what she is doing. She's never said in a calm voice, "SW, I'm sorry for the pain I'm putting you through. I didn't mean to hurt you, but this is what I need to do with my life", or something along those lines. She has never said anything to me in a mature manner. Maybe this will make her finally think about what she's doing. Instead of thinking I'm crazy, maybe realize that what I'm doing is trying to save our marriage. Any decent husband would do this. She can't fault me for that. Maybe someday she will realize that, though it will probably be too later for us. Now you got it.
Hard to say. Hang in there pal.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Melody, you know I exposed to her and OM's FB friends last night, right?
Me: 49 WW: 45 Married almost 23 years Together 26+ years DS18 DD15 D-Day: 7/28/11 Separated: 11/18/11 WW filed for D on 2/14/12 (3 days after near full exposure) D final: 9/17/12
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I did take a screenshot of his Facebook page with the profile pic with my wife in it. The screenshot includes the date and timestamp in the corner.
Me: 49 WW: 45 Married almost 23 years Together 26+ years DS18 DD15 D-Day: 7/28/11 Separated: 11/18/11 WW filed for D on 2/14/12 (3 days after near full exposure) D final: 9/17/12
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I'm sorry, but a man has to stand up for his family. Never apologize for standing up for your family, sir. You did well.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Just got a text from my wife: "You're crazy...u need major psyche help...Leave my friends alone...!!!! Bull's-eye. Okay, buckle up and get ready, still. There may be fireworks if your exposure has worked. The last thing you want is for them to not care. Waywards hate having the world peering in on their shady activities. Good job!
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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WW sent me another text: "If u don't stop this sh*t I will get a restraining order" Who does she think she is? Queen of the United States? She can get an RO to keep you from approaching HER. She can't get an RO against you on behalf of your exposure targets. They would have to make the effort to do that themselves, which ain't gonna be happening. They're not invested enough in this to bother on the basis of one FB message. More likely, there is a fair amount of snickering going on about those two right now. Their dirty laundry is flapping freely in the breeze. Nothing romantic about that at all. Keep up the good work!
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Another text from WW: "Do u realize this will hurt the kids...do u realize stunts like this will get back to the kids....? Ur nuts" Uh-huh. And her affair is GOOD for them?? Typical wayward trash-talk. Ignore this.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I'm sure this will upset WW to the point where she will hold this against me forever, and never come back. Even it if damages her A with OM, she probably will never return. I know how she is - stubborn. You know nothing of the kind, Still. You are second-guessing yourself. That's normal, because exposure initially seems disrespectful to your wayward. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is disrespectful to stand by and watch them destroy their life and their family. It is enabling them in their destructive behavior if you DON'T expose.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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SW, you did do the right thing, you just have to believe it yourself now.
As for your WW's text messages, be glad she is livid, that is exactly the reaction you want. I too got messages (from FB people and my WH himself) calling me "psychotic, you need a shrink, you're nuts, this is harassment" etc. Shrug it off and remember YOU are NOT even the person everyone is truly angry at, the real target of the anger is the exposure of the affair itself. Lots of folks just need someone to blame and since you are the one who exposed the nastiness it just happens to be you.
Yes, you most certainly did do the right thing so don't go second-guessing yourself for a second.
I applaud you, it takes a REAL man (or woman) to stand up for the safety of their family.
Be glad you fit that description!
Well done, my friend.
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WW just tried to call me. Ignored it. I don't feel like talking with her right now.
Me: 49 WW: 45 Married almost 23 years Together 26+ years DS18 DD15 D-Day: 7/28/11 Separated: 11/18/11 WW filed for D on 2/14/12 (3 days after near full exposure) D final: 9/17/12
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She left a message. Don't want to listen to it right now.
I'm positive it's saying she wants to get the divorce started, that would be my guess. Well, I don't want to divorce, so she doesn't need me to partake in it. If she wants it, she can do it by herself.
Me: 49 WW: 45 Married almost 23 years Together 26+ years DS18 DD15 D-Day: 7/28/11 Separated: 11/18/11 WW filed for D on 2/14/12 (3 days after near full exposure) D final: 9/17/12
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Everyone, thanks so much for your support and words of encouragement.
Me: 49 WW: 45 Married almost 23 years Together 26+ years DS18 DD15 D-Day: 7/28/11 Separated: 11/18/11 WW filed for D on 2/14/12 (3 days after near full exposure) D final: 9/17/12
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