Sorry, just gotta vent real quick.

DD and I are watching Twilight: Breaking Dawn, DS went to Denny's with his friends, I have our dog laying on my lap. Our cat was curled up by DD.

Our little dog (Bella) is a teddy bear (bichon/shih tzu) and WW got her 5 years ago for her 40th birthday. She loves that little dog.

I sit and wonder how my wife can be ok being away from her family. Missing this time with her family. Time she will never recover. I enjoy the time with our kids. Wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, certainly not some other person.

I don't understand how my wife can forsake the family she helped create, our significant history together, all for a random guy that she's spent but a minute fraction of time with by comparison.

Oh, forget about what responses you get from FB exposure. It's irrelevant. The purpose is to get the truth out there in living color. If you get good responses, then great! If you get bad responses, then great!

You're not looking for acceptance through FB. You're looking for a solution to your save your marriage. And this is part of the solution.

Exposure

Hang in there. Its nothing out of the ordinary.

You have done the right thing .
Hold firm.

I'm doing good. Yesterday and today were quite a drain on me.

I'm sure it was. Just keep fighting the fight big dog!

BTW, I never fully intended to exit stage left from your thread. My only intention for that post was to get your [censored] in gear and do the best you can do to save your marriage. Apologies if it seemed disrespectful.

No apology needed. I was meaning to thank you for rejoining my thread. Just got wrapped up in the event. You did the right thing to help wake me up.

Appreciate your support as well as everyone else.

SW,
I tend to vent a lot on my thread as well. Don't feel bad for that. Keep asking questions and keep getting the support you need on here. You might catch a 2x4 from different people, but they do it because they care. I have gotten my fair share lol

Good Morning SW,
I wanted to address your post on wondering how your WW can do the things she's doing. As a FWW, I can tell you that she is LITERALLY addicted to the high she is getting.

Affairs are related to three chemicals in our body:

Testosterone which is the lust hormone

Dopamine which is the "feel good" chemical associated with addictions and "being in love".

Oxytocin which is the bonding chemical. Elevated levels of this cause the "soul mate" feeling.

Your WW's reality is much different than yours right now because she is an ADDICT!

Exposing her was the best thing you could have done to bring her back to everyone else's reality. Fear was the main feeling that smacked me in the head with what I was doing.

When I look back now, I feel so foolish. Read my story and you'll see what a scumbag my POSOM was. That's why everyone says WW's are in a "fog".

I'm sure you knew all this but I wanted to reiterate it to you so that it might make you feel a tiny bit better. Your wife is an alien right now. She needs to see how scary it will be for her to live in outerspace. This will bring her back down to earth!

Stay strong. Ignore her. Let exposure do its thing.
You have no idea how well you're dealing with all this. Your efforts will pay off in some form or another.
CT

Where's your easy button SW?

WW plan book:

Get the hots for OM.
Find away to justify jumping OM.
First step re write marriage history painting you as one that has gone to the dark side by puting a spin on things just as a politician.
Second step build up OM to be every womans dream by puting a spin on things just as a politician.

WW has created fantasy island set in the middle of a river. The river set in the land of denial.

Had to edit to add this: your exposure is a massive flood coming down from the head waters that will over run fantasy island.

I hope I did enough exposure. She has 288 friends on FB of which some are: friends of our kids (so teenagers), some are business *edit*, some are people that do not even live in the area (and I know are not real friends). The rest is divided between actual friends, family, and people she's met while out and about since this whole thing started.

So the people she's met out and about (especially males), would not give a rip if she was having an affair. The females might. The biggest bang I thought was family, co-workers, and then actual friends I knew of. Those are the ones I targeted. Plus a couple random females that I thought she may have become new friends with recently. I also did OM's brother, SIL, and about 8 random female friends of his.

I hope that had some impact.

Still,

You hit the target, and your wife is heavy into regrouping to save herself.
You can't make sense of her choices because they are illogical, it makes no sense in the real world........
Sit back and watch the show........this might go on for a few days.........try to protect your kids as much as you can and be absolutely honest with your words to them in a caring thoughtful way but don't hide the real emotions of this........
We are all here for you to vent and work through your emotions and fears, we have already lived through all that you are going through.......
you do come out on the other side eventually......I know you feel confused today but you are being loving towards your wife, you are saving her from her own stupidity......you won't let her ruin her own life and that is love SW.
Time and patience is key right now.

One of the FB message replies was from a friend of my wife and I. Actually the person is one of my wife's true best friends from high school. She lives locally and they are still best friends. However, this friend does not like what WW is doing and as such WW has distanced herself from this friend.

Anyway, this friend messaged me back and is 100% supportive of me and the kids. She said that WW will most likely be surrounding herself with the 'yes men' people that she has left - the people that still support her twisted views.

This friend also said that she doesn't know the OM herself, but has heard from other people that he is a jerk.

So now I'm thinking how this exposure has affected her. She probably doesn't know the full extent since not everyone looks at their FB everyday. Plus the unknown factor of just who all I exposed to. She doesn't know that. The fact that she's quiet makes me wonder if she's now 'ok' with the exposure. I don't know how many of her friends and family have become ok with what she's doing, so this may not have an impact.

Guess I just need to sit back and see how the exposure plays out.

At least I know other people see the OM as a jerk. Makes me feel better. Wish the wife would see him that way.

This friend is wise and can be helpful to you if she's willing to stand up to your WW.

Uh, no. She's more than likely just worn down from the effects of exposure. Rage is exhausting.

Now why didn't someone else think of that?

So is this friend willing to put pressure on your WW?

Here is her reply, the FB friend reply I mention above:

Friend reply: "SW, Of course you always have my support and prayers!!!! Going through something like this has no way to be described......you must know that really <my wife> isn't going to talk to anyone that isn't going to agree with her. When something happens and you feel you will be judged or pressured by the people you know......she will surround herself with people that will agree with her....in other words..."Yes Men". I will try to talk to her.:)"

My reply back: "<Friend>, thank you so much for your support. I felt bad sending messages, but I had to get my side of the story out there. The kids and I thank you."

I sent another reply: "I know what I forgot to mention. The guy that <my wife> is seeing has a FB profile pic of <my wife> and him. The kids saw that picture. Nothing like having your kids see mom with another man. Arrogant and sickening. I didn't check, he might have changed it."

Her reply: "Oh my! Yes that is just distasteful......i don't know who this guy is....i recognize the name but through other people. Heard he is a jerk"

The OM still has the picture of him and my wife as his FB profile pic. He's either 1) extremely stupid, 2) extremely self centered, 3) doesn't realize the fact that his profile pic actually supports the claims I'm making <see #1 above>, 4) doesn't have a clue that I sent the FB messages - which would indicate that WW is sheltering him. But I highly doubt #4 is the case.

I hope so. I know she did talk to WW last fall. But as you can see, it didn't have an impact on WW.

Should I suggest she try and talk to WW as soon as possible? To get to WW while she's still fresh from the exposure?

Not necessarily. You mentioned that you didn't reference the pic in your exposure. Is it possible that POSOM and your WW are not even aware that you are clued in on the existence of the pic? Or maybe that he didn't tell her he did it?

I would certainly bet that they don't think I've seen it. My WW took me off as a FB friend in mid-January. On January 29th, POSOM changed his pic to the current one. He has little to no FB activity on his wall. He changed his profile pic on Jan 29th 3 times.

I would have to guess he's told her about it. I'm sure this is his twisted way of showing his 'commitment' to her and he would want her to know that.

Man, this is so high school behavior. What? He couldn't find his class ring, so he had to buy her a gimpy promise ring?

So possible that since she de-friended me on FB that POSOM, or possibly both of them are under the impression that I can't see his FB page. Of course they forget that I have mutual friends that WW and I both share on FB, thus I can still access her and his page.

Should I bring his FB picture to light somehow? Maybe mention to WW that the kids have seen this? Ideas?

I wouldn't bet on this. I'm thinking it was simply a 'rub it your face' kind of thing for the POSOM. He sounds like that type.

This would be a good opportunity for the friend to step up to the plate. I think it would have more of an impact coming from someone other than you.