I'm very upset with MIL (Grandma). She just called DD and DD answered and talked to her. After a few minutes I could hear DD yelling in the bathroom. I listened and DD was still on phone yelling at grandma. She said to grandma:

* "I wish you'd side with me. You're always telling me what she [WW] does is right."
* "She [WW] has to get over herself."
* "Mom always says how disappointed [friend of WW] is in me."

I couldn't write and listen at the same time. But when DD got off the phone with grandma, she came out and told me that she finally yelled at grandma cause she couldn't take it anymore.

Some things that DD told me:

* "Mom told me that OM's kids love her [WW] more than her own kids love her."
* DD told grandma that she was mad and sick about the FB picture of OM and mom.
* DD said that it didn't feel like WW was her mom anymore.
* Whenever she goes over to stay overnight with WW, WW gets upset with her that she doesn't see her more often. DD said she doesn't even want to go over there cause she'll just get yelled at.
* DD told grandma that she needs to stand up against WW and to stand up for what's right. Grandma said something like "yeah" or "I know".

These anger me immensely. I am amazed that my MIL is so accepting of what her daughter is doing. And I'm really upset that WW told DD that statement about POSOM's kids liking her more than her own kids. I'm pissed! How #%@&#! messed up is that?

288 was WW friends. POSOM only has 64 friends. And none looked like business associates at all.

This POSOM is not even on LinkedIn. Any businessman or professional worth his salt is on LinkedIn. His brother is on LinkedIn, but it doesn't contain squat. For being in business 19 years, they don't have much to show for it.

Eaxctly. You never know so there is no point saying WW most likely whatever.

Thing is exposure did not push WW in to OM's arms.
WW did that on her own.
WW has already moved out of your bed and the house and into a PA with the OM.

Really what more can WW do to escalate things then by having a PA?

Up SF from once a day to twice a day with the OM.

Hurricanes, tornados, tidal waves all take time to build and so does exposure.

Her last post to DD "Well, you've succeeded. I will stay away from everyone forever."

Shows WW is breaking from exposure. Her first responses were How did you do this, you were crazy to do this, etc, anger, rage.

Too now I will stay away from everyone I think means that she can't face anyone because they now know that they can't believe her lies.

Lets hope WW breaks completely as a result of exposure.

It is a rarity for the inlaws to side with the betrayed. 99% of the time they side with the wayward because

1) They are also wayward
2) They did the exact same thing
3) They are in a current affairage

Your in-laws are showing their true colors and that is something you cannot hide from your children. Truth ... it is what it is all about!!!

Smart. Don't. The whole point of exposure is to target anyone who is in a position to possibly influence your WW to end the affair, not to skewer her. Your job on FB is done.

SW, this is exposure hitting and hitting HARD! Yep, you have every right to be pissed off. I certainly would be. You should forward this to your BIL. It will PISS him off beyond belief. He's a huge ally...use it. As for this...
Grandma is starting to crack a little. BIL can help here.

Amazing! Your DD and DS have 100x the values and integrity than your WW and MIL combined. I'm quite sure I know where they got it from.

Calm down.

And I agree with the others about FB exposure. I was just thinking about possibilities. Got the numbers mixed in my head.

Agreed. Plus, I think word getting around the hospital will have just as significant of an impact as FB, if not more.

I'm not going to bank on MIL cracking. She was always a good person, but she never had an opinion of her own. She would always agree with people to keep on their good side. That's why she's afraid of her daughter and losing her. She's willing to sacrifice her values to keep her daughter close. Plus DD said that grandma told her she's tried to talk to WW, but it does no good.

That's because like everyone else in the family, WW knows that her mom is a pushover. If her mom was suddenly adamantly against her, would not talk to her, would not side with her, ignored her and hung with her sons and SIL and grandkids, ignoring WW, well I guarantee that WW would be snapped back to reality instantly!

But alas, I don't think that will happen. Like my BIL said, she is the one thing that can fix this, yet she won't. DD even told her that a little bit ago!!!!! Why can't MIL stand up for her own granddaughter? She cannot see the pain that her own grandaughter is in. DD was crying on the phone to her. Yet MIL can't do the right thing for her grandaughter and stand up against her own daughter. Somethings not right with MIL.

Okay, I could be wrong, but I'm telling you that convo with your DD had an effect on her. Minor perhaps, but it's a crack opening up. That's why I suggested getting this info to your BIL ASAP. He could be very instrumental in turning her around a little more. It seems pretty obvious to me that MIL doesn't approve at all of what your WW is doing, but is terrified of losing her if she displays her displeasure at it, so she goes along to get along. She needs to be snapped just like you've snapped your WW. Your BIL is critical here in making that happen. Get him this info now. Talk to him about what you've been told here (without disclosing where you heard it) and see what he thinks.

Okay, I'm rambling now. Go hug your daughter. She's a champ!

From what I can gather, WW believes that I sent to ALL of her contacts. That's why she's saying that the kids will be impacted cause she thinks it went to everyone which would include friends of our kids.

I want to mention to some people that I only did a subset of her friends, so they don't think that I did skewer her with no regards for kids. But at the same time, her thinking it's everyone is likely to have a big impact on her.

Yep, let her imagination run wild. And where she is mind-wise, it's running butt wild.

Yup, whatever your WW is thinking is much worse then what is actually happening.

Try to cut her off financially. Let POSOM meet those needs. POSOM will get tired of it all........

You MUST read Surviving an Affair!

I'm not financially supporting her now.

SW

Maybe since WW is not helping with bills at the house or child support a visit to your lawyer to get child support going would be another dose of reality for WW?

Have you documented time and responsibilities since your WW has been gone?

Just an idea to keep a dose of reality going of how life will be.

There may be reason to file first. Doesn't mean you have to follow through with D, Just to get CS going.
ETA

CS may = pressure on the A

nESRE

My lawyer informed me that there is no advantage to filing first. As such, it's a disadvantage to do so because you will be the one paying to file.

I understand what you're saying about CS, but if I were to file, WW would happily sit by and wait until the end and ride off with OM. Let her be the one to file. Pay the money to do so, and have the kids be upset with her for ripping the family apart. If she's hell bent on divorcing after all this, let her. I'm not going to enable a divorce for her.

If she files, then someday she will have to come to terms with what she did. It will weigh on her conscious, not mine. If I filed, then she will never feel bad about it because she will just always remind herself that I was the one to initiate it, therefore, her conscious can rest.

SW

I am not a legal eagle. Maybe Legal seperation agreement (LSA) would get CS going.

WW's want to live in a fantasy world without responsibilities of real life.

May want to discuss with lawyer. Just sayin.

nESRE

Just making a comment here. Things are always worse for me in the morning. Just thinking to myself how my W can be so insensitive to our kids. I mean the bottom line really is that she doesn't care about our kids. She cares more about OM and the A.

That comment that DD said her mom made to her sometime ago where the OM's kids love her more than her own, is burned in my mind as deep as that profile pic. I'm sure that WW was just trying to make DD feel bad. If I can give even the smallest credit to MIL, DD did say that grandma told mom that it wasn't right to tell DD that. When DD goes over to stay overnight at WW's apartment, usually once a week, MIL is always there. DD said she doesn't like going over there because mom always 'yells' at her about why she doesn't see her more.

I'd like to think that is not the case, but a truly caring mother would see the pain that her own children are going through and know that she should stop inflicting this pain. Her motherly protection mode is missing.

And MIL should know the damage and pain that the kids are going through as well. A true compassionate person would step away from this and back to the family that truly supports good values. MIL and DD were talking last night and DD was CRYING in the phone with her. DD was talking logical and telling grandma to do the right thing and stand up to WW. MIL is not involved in the A, so she should feel the pain of her grandchildren and work as a real mother to tell her daughter what she's doing is wrong.

And MIL's sister is not much better. She was the neutral/just move on FB message reply I got. She focused on me moving on, rather than admitting that what her niece did was wrong and giving support to me and the kids. What is wrong with MIL and her sister? Where are their motherly instincts?

Still,

Remember your wife is HIGH as a kite, and OM is her drug. She is going to say the meanest, most vile, most horrific things because the FEELINGS OM give her are stronger than everything else on this planet.

Still once NC can be established and she is able to withdraw from him, your wife will reappear and the guilt, shame, and utter devastation will look her square in the eye.

This is why EXPOSURE is best to get OM out of her life. The goal is NC and withdrawal.

Your wife was able to get deeply entrenched with this man ... this will be your biggest hangup. She isn't going to wake up overnight.

This is going to be a long drawn out marathon. I encourage you to read about John and Sue in SAA. You will likely need to follow the exact path John did to save his marriage.

Each time your WW says something make a mental note ... this is drug talk and is insane ... this is drug talk and is insane.

Treat her like the drug addict she is today --- which means DO NOT LISTEN TO A WORD SHE SAYS!

This is why it's SOOOO important to ramp up his efforts to expose him further. Make WW not worth the effort to POSOM. So far, he's lost absolutely nothing in this.