I found out about my husband's affair in Novemebr (I was 8 mos preg). We have three (now 4) children.The OW is also married with 4 children. My husband keeps agreeing to end the affair, but keeps going back. He went to a hotel for a week with her, themn came home and said he wanted to work things out, but 2 days later they were talking again. He has agreed to stop talking to her 4 times, and 4 times i have found out that he is still seeing and talking to her. She has sent me text messages stating that her husband knew about the affair, and he was okay with it, and that I needed to either accept it or leave. My husband was out of work for a month and did not see her, but as soon as he found another job, he started right back. in the beginning he told me he wanted a divorce, but each tiome i tried to leave he stopped me.He left with her once and i packed his things and told him to leave, but he begged me to let him stay and said it was over. He has been in a hotel with her for 3 days as of today. I packed my things and told him I was goiong to Texas (we live in Tennessee with his family), but he begged me not to take the children.He also has control of the car and takes it with him for days while he is gone..leaving us stranded. He says that he is unhappy, and he wants a divorce, but he will not leave or let me leave. I have even offered to get a place near. I am at a loss as of what to do. I love my husband, I wnat our marriage to work, but I do not know what to do, or even what he wants. I have decided to pack his things and tell him that if he wants a divorce,. go file, if not, then dont, but he will not live under our roof while with her. Does anyone have ANY suggestions as to what to do? Please!

Hi there and welcome, I think it's time you stop this life you are living and set the bar high for you and your children, your husband will not stop the affair until you stand up for yourself and your marriage.......
I would sit him down and tell him that if he does not give up the OW and have no contact for life and doesn't commit to a marriage recovery plan the marriage is over an he needs to move on and out of the house.........
I would also go see a lawyer and get a good idea what your rights are and I would go to the bank and separate your bank accounts.........do you work?
If you don't go get an order to have financial support from him.....
Do not leave your home, this is not your fault and not your doing......
Have you spoken to the OW's husband yourself, you cannot just believe what the OW says............You must expose the affair to everyone close to both of them and let the light shine on the affair...........I agree pack his things and give him a one time offer and then move on .......
know that you are not alone and you can save your marriage if you put together a MB plan.......stopping the affair and setting the bar high is the first step, your husband is a cake eater and will not change anything unless you make him......
don't argue just give him a choice and then follow through with lawyers, finances, exposure...........let him feel what his life really is now......not the cushy life with two women ..............he has a choice

You need to read up exposure. Making the affair known to those that can exert pressure and show disapproval to end the affair.

Exposure targets are WH parents and siblings and your children in an age appropriate level.

Basic Daddy has a girl friend. Married people are not allow to have romantic girl friends or boyfriends and go out on dates with them.

Being married means you only date your spouse.

Also expose your parents and siblings.

If your WH and OW have facebook copy and paste their friends list contact info and expose to them.

However when you message through FB you must allow 60 sec between each message or FB filters will block thinking you are spaming.

Hi Ama,

So sorry you are here. How long have you been married? You are right to demand that he ends the affair.

How long has the affair been going on? What he is doing is called "cake eating". That is, he wants the best of both worlds. Unfortunately, he knows that you aren't going to follow through with your threats to him, so he has no real impetus to stop the A.

FORTUNATELY, you are here and we can help with that. There are some very specific (and uncomfortable) things you can/must do in order to save your marriage.

1) understand that the affair was in NO WAY your fault.
2) Be strong and steady (this will be hard, but consistency is important for him, you and the children)
3) expose the affair. You will need to gather information on the OW, get her husband's name, FB, email, tele.. Gather info on as many friends and family of her's that you can. Also gather as much info on his friends, and then expose (in one fell-swoop) to all of them. We can help with the composition of the letter to send. This is crucial to saving your marriage and your best chance for reclaiming your husband.
4)prepare yourself for some rough times ahead. This is going to be an emotional tilt-a-whirl.

Are you ready to get your husband back?

CV

The thing is, he has already been exposed, I only know her name, and neither of them have a facebook page that I can find. He was raised in a loving christian home, and he refuses to talk to his parents for fear of what they will say.
Jessi- I have attempted to get the information to contact her husband, but all I have is her name, her e-mail address, and where she works. I had her number, but she changed it. I had full intentions on asking her husband if he knew about the affair, but i can not find any information pertaining to him.

CV,
I am willing to do whatever it takes; but I have no idea how to get any information on her other than what I have ( and that information has led me to dead end roads). My husband and I have been married for 8 years (he is 27, I am 29). The affair began in September 2011; so it has been going on for 5 months. I am lost as to what to do, and I sincerely appreciate any help and/or advice given.

For a small fee, you can use intellius or another web service that will allow you to get her address, phone number, spousal info, etc...

I would also expose at work since it appears they are most likely using work resources to further their affair. Both her work place and his.

Is this his first affair that you know of?

CV

Exposure means telling family, friends, and if applicable, employers (and any other relevent people) about the affair and asking for their support for your marriage. It does not mean "busting" the affair. Use the information celticvoyager gave you to find the OW's husband's info - I can guarantee that a husband is not "okay" with his wife & mother of his 4 children living in a hotel with some man she started dating 5 months ago! That is ridiculous. You need to go into this with the assumption that everything your WH and the OW tell you is a LIE.

Exposure is to break the "fantasy". Living in a hotel room with 8 kids & 2 other spouses elsewhere after a few months is about as fantastical as it gets. Start arming yourself with the real information - you aren't going to get it from them.

Affair partners live in a fantasy world. The goal is to end their affair by bursting the affair-bubble. Exposure is the best way to do it. You can put the pressure on at home by exposing to the children in an age appropriate way. Kids as young as 4 or 5 can handle this information.

Tell them something along the lines of:

"kids, mommy has something to tell you. Daddy is doing something very bad. He has a girlfriend that is not mommy and this is wrong. This is why daddy has been spending his time somewhere else. We love daddy and want him to stop this."

To whom have you exposed the affair?
Your exposure targets should include:
Your family
His family
Their employer if they work together
Your children if they are over the age of 6
Selected targets on her FB account
Selected targets on his FB account
HER HUSBAND

Do not take her word that her husband knows. She's a wayward, and they are known for lying if their lips are moving.
Have you exposed the affair to the list I've got above?

I would expose this affair wide and far. Find her husband, her parents, her friends, and expose the affair. Don't ask the husband if he knows, just give him all of your information. Get his home address and drive over there. Expose to all of your family and friends and ask them to speak to your husband. Please read the link in my signature and it will tell you how to do this strategically and effectively. It also gives you talking points.

If you can't find her on facebook [have you been blocked? have you searched for her family members?] then try searching for her relatives on intelius.com and peoplefinder.com.

This is where I would start. And when you are done, I would set your husband down and tell him he needs to move out if he won't end his affair for life. You have been dealing with this much longer than is safe for your emotional and physical health.

What does this skank do for a living?

Sorry I did not include the No. 1 target OWH. And as pointed out never believe a WS when they say the OWH knows. This is always said to stop the OWH from getting told the truth by the BW.

As to exposure done. It scares me to hear this.

Why?

Because when the exposure list has been deliberately left off a post it is an attempt to hide that a less then perfect exposure has been done.

So who did you expose and when did you expose them and how did you expose them.

CV,
Yes, I am almost positive that this is his first affair. Im not even sure if he gsve me her real name; but I will try intellius right now.

Alis,
He has never, nor will he ever, take my kids around her. I have a 745 line IM session between the two of them where she claims to have multiple personalities, and it is extremelt disturbing.

CV,
My children already know. they are 6,8,9, and, well 2 months. I found them in the room crying one day and asked what was wrong. My 6 year old told me they were sad that Daddy was going to hell for having a girlfriend while he was married. I DID NOT tell them this, they have been raised knowing the bible, more than likely overheartd our conversation, and made their own assumptions.

[/quote]To whom have you exposed the affair?
Your exposure targets should include:
Your family
His family
Their employer if they work together
Your children if they are over the age of 6
Selected targets on her FB account
Selected targets on his FB account
HER HUSBAND

Do not take her word that her husband knows. She's a wayward, and they are known for lying if their lips are moving.
Have you exposed the affair to the list I've got above? [/quote]

I have told my family, his family, the children know, neither of them have a FB page, and I am attempting to get information on how to reach her husband.

Melody- That's just it; I only know her name, She was a nurse and he wass a security guard in the hospital she worked for. he has since been fired. I know NOTHING else about her.

This is why children need to be told in an age appropriate way - they will draw their own conclusions.

Was he fired over this affair? These two truly sound delusional in this fantasy.

I told my family the day I found out. I told his family when I was 8 months preg and he left me with no car and went to stay in a hotel with her. My family is in Texas, so I told them over the phone. I called his parents over to my home and told them; they told EVERYONE else in his family. I neverr told my kids, but i assume that they overheard at some point. I really am at a loss, I do not know how to go aboput doing all of this.