Right now as I work, my mind keeps flipping to questions I have. Still bouncing around whether W is truly wayward or wants out. One thing I just remembered that someone told me she said was: "If I hadn't met <OM>, I would have came back to <SW>."

To me this says if she was truly done with me she would have divorced me earlier last year, prior to OM. But instead, she let her curiosity get the best of her and she went down the path of allowing herself to become vulnerable to this guy. Now she's in over her head. This tells me logically that she's more likely to be wayward, than wanted out of the M way back. Probably wanting out of the M now is a result of her infatuation with OM.

Actually, I think you guys already told me this. Nothing like wasting disk space on this web server, huh?

What type of lawyer would I need to get for this?

Sending letters to OM will not be effective. Even those written by a lawyer.

The DA in your state will not move to prosecute the OM even though there are laws on the books.

OM knows this. This is why OM won't be scared away by a piece of paper. Spend money on a PI so you can get contact info to expose to OM parents and OM grandparents.

If you want to obsess over something, why not obsess about finding OM's parents?
At least that would be productive.

Your wife is wayward. Enough said. There is no point in trying to determine why she didn't leave or if she really wants a divorce or why she isn't answering a text.

pointless.mental.energy.wasted.

Focus on what will help your Plan.

She is truly wayward and she truly wants out! NEXT! That would describe about 110% of waywards around here and it makes absolutely no difference in the end result. They all say they would never come to the BS anyway so that you will not blame the affair. The goal is to act like the marriage is at fault not the affair.

Additionally, I agree with the others that this is a distraction when you could use your time more effectively exposing to the OM's parents and using your attorney to send him threatening letters about his adultery. And yes, your attorney won't like to do that, because he is like most attorneys in that he wants to find the easier, softer way. His goal is for you all to get along. If it would keep the peace, he would ask you to make friends with the OM. Attorneys don't care about doing the right thing, they only care about keeping the peace at all cost.

You are thinking way too much about her thoughts right now.

The most brilliant, amazing thing about Marriage Builders plans for surviving an affair is that it is a plan. A logical plan that transcends the fleeting emotional thoughts of the wayward and even the betrayed
and
if you stay on course
you will find true self respect, which could possibly also in turn be a new respect of your wayward spouse for you.

First for self, then from others for you.

Brilliant. Really brilliant.

By the way, the plan is based on logical steps that show you standing up for yourself, your marriage, your family, the law and all that is good and true and respectfully dealt with.

(can you tell I am a fan of the plan).

Don't worry about contacting OM -- he already knows!

Expose to his family, friends....and in this market, his employer.

Do it. Now.

Still, something about Plan A that I don't think you have nailed down yet. Plan A has NOTHING to do with your WW. It is what YOU are doing. It doesn't matter if she is a willing participant. You do Plan A, which includes the STICK(exposure, etc), and you do it with NO EXPECTATIONS. You texted her about DD's test score, and you don't think another moment about it. Plan A with NO EXPECTATIONS.

Just ordered SAA.

Something I have to write up. You guy's don't have to 2x4 me on this. I know I focus right now too much on my wife, but just need to speak.

I stopped at Target on the way home to pick up an ink cartridge and some things for DD. Found the ink cartridge and was heading down the aisle, when out of a side aisle pops my wife. She didn't see me, but was heading the same direction I was. I did an about face and went to the check out, then left.

My initial reaction was fear because I didn't want to confront her after this past weekend's events. But after I got in my vehicle, it really hit me. I realized I'm losing my wife and I can't deal with it. I saw her in the store and knew that she was no longer mine.

It angers me because she didn't try to work on our marriage. She didn't tell me what she was feeling and that we should work on it. By the time she told me, or should I say I found out, it was already too late. This is what angers me.....that she didn't try.

The city we live in is probably around 65,000 population total, but there is only one Target, one Walmart, one Sam's Club, one of everything. The entertainment in the area isn't all that great, consisting mainly of bars. I don't have any desire to go out, unless it's errands with the kids, or to see my parents or family. I fear going into stores because I may bump into my wife. Not fear because I'm upset, but fear because it's difficult to talk with the woman I still love after 26 years. It's difficult to look at her because the sparkle in her eyes is gone.

I want to just run away and not deal with this. Even though we're separated, I'm doing probably 90% of the work to keep things running. My wife just has an apartment and OM to deal with.

I think it will take the rest of this month for me to settle down. I need to wait and see what move my wife does next. She had mentioned to my sister about filing after DS's birthday which is a little over a week away. I talked to lawyer today and he said there was no advantage to her waiting until he turned 18. I think he meant she could file today and by the time things got rolling, he would be 18. But my W may not be thinking that way, she's probably thinking to wait until after he turns 18 for some reason.

I know I can't at this time, but if things don't work out, I know I will at some point have to leave this town. There's too many memories here, too small. I need to be someplace with things to do, places to see. Where I can get lost in the crowd if I want to.

SW, I feel so bad for you. I really do (insert man hug here). But what in God's name and all that is righteous have you done to attack the OM?? You are in better position than your realize, yet you refuse to finish the job!

WHY???? What is it you fear about this scumbucket that prevents you from going after him? Please tell me...what?

A few developments tonight. All started because MIL asked DD if she wanted to go for pizza for Valentine's Day. DD said yes. After I heard this I was a little upset cause I was assuming that since my wife and I were not doing anything for Valentine's Day (obviously), that I would take the other girl in my life, DD, out for pizza. So I called MIL and said that I had planned on taking DD (and DS if he wanted to go) out for Valentines Day. She sounded kind of disappointed, but said have fun.

Well, she must have got on the phone right away to WW, cause WW texted me and said "Again...nice job...u can't quit hurting people can u?". I broke silence and replied back that no one had asked me if I had any plans with DD for Valentines Day and didn't think I had to advertise my plans, since it was just the kids and I anyhow.

Well, long story short, I got a lot of hate texts back from WW. She was trying to call our house, MIL was calling our house. Poor DD answered her cellphone and her and WW had several heated conversations. I feel so bad for DD. She was crying. BIL is even more upset with his mom (MIL).

Anyhow, long story short, WW said she was going to post all kinds of stuff about me on Facebook.

We'll see where this goes from here. The stuff she said to me and the stuff she is falsely claiming I said to her....I have to be honest, I don't know if she's even worth fighting for anymore.

SW,
Don't play into it. You struck first. Now whatever she says has no credibility. Don't worry about it. It's only been a couple of days. You're not ready to throw in the towel. Trust me, I've been there. What you should have said was that you were taking DD out for dinner and your wife was more than welcome to go.

Anything else said is a waste of time. Be short and matter-of-fact. When she fires at you, you pretend like it never happened. You say you're just trying to save your marriage or you invite her to whatever you're doing. It feels unnatural, but you get used to it. Don't justify anything to anyone. You didn't even need to explain to MIL about dinner.

Show your good side. Be mature. You can do this. Show everyone you're in control and you're doing fine. I got the same exact text. "you just don't quit". I replied that I don't quit trying to save my family. Keep pushing SW. Embrace the suck...

SW - Getting hung up on what a fallen down drunk is saying is doing you no good.

Remember - she is HIGH as a kite. You are the enemy, and she hates you right now.

Stop - Please Focus - Find ASAP OM's parents and family and get a letter written about suing him and his business for emotional infliction of pain.

You have two awesome weapons at your hands ... meanwhile please read the "Art of War" which is under Indie's signature line, and read Arks "Be Still"

No matter what happens do not engage your wife ... she is out of her mind at the moment.

If you do listen, then listen for her little clues so you can Plan A correctly.

Your wife has a brain full of fogged up chemicals. The chemicals are changing hourly and now they are even more clouded by anger because of EXPOSURE.

Finish the job of getting OM out of your lives. Then she can defog and realize she is about to throw away her entire life due to fantasy.

Interesting that in one of the heated texts she sent me last night, she said "that stunt you pulled last weekend only pushed me further away from you."

Is that supposed to scare me into submission? I recall that last summer she told me this several times when I was asking questions or pushing her for information. She would tell me to stop or it would push her further away.

This I know is fog babble. (I just thought it was interesting that she would throw this at me this late in the game so to speak. With her telling me to 'move on', 'accept it', wouldn't think this would be anything she would even think I would take seriously)

I do not plan on engaging her in conversation at this time unless it has to do with the kids. MIL called me last night and chewed me a new one. I hung up on her. Then about 12:40am, she called my work phone (it rolled over to BlackBerry) and called home number. Ignored both. MIL is never up that late.

I feel the best when I ignore it all, which is what I'm going to do at this time. Worry about conversation later.

And this is exactly what she did. WW called multiple times and I ignored. When WW called DD and she picked up, she had DD in tears. WW wanted DD to put me on the phone. I finally acknowledged and I could not get a word in edgewise!

Remember that scene from A Christmas Story where Ralphie says his friend said the swear word and his friends mother was yelling on the phone? You get the picture.

I wasn't putting up with it and I hung up. You can't Plan A anybody with that attitude.

Oh, and also she said that I'm the aggressor (passive-aggressive she said) and she's the victim.

I know I shouldn't let this get to me, and I'm not, but I need to vent this somewhere.

I'm sure WW is telling everyone at work that I'm just a bad person, ruining her life (she didn't have to work yesterday, so she could not explain to people at work what happened on FB until today). And to add to it, since it's Valentine's Day, you can bet that OM is sending her flowers at work to make her feel better and make me look bad.

But I would think people at her work would see that these are flowers from someone other than her husband. So I wonder how that would play out?

Actually, that could be in my favor since OM sending flowers to her work after exposure would just add credibility to my FB message.

Yes, how dare you tell the truth and expose the affair!

Don't listen to it. Your Plan A is turning into Plan FU. Take a step back and remember what it is you want the outcome to be. Don't let your feelings and emotions get the best of you.

You did send flowers to her as well, right?