This past weekend WXW brought enabling toxic cousin and her family around my children.

I hate this toxic cousin and WXW knows I don't want her around the kids.

Oh, well... moving on.

TE,
How awful for you. How can you keep the toxic cousin away from your kids? I just ended a friendship that is a trigger for my husband. I want to do whatever it takes to make it up to him. I am sorry your WXW never came to that realization. I am going to read your post from the beginning to gain perspective on the terrible pain I have caused so many people.
CT

WXW called me Sunday at 9:00 am, to discuss something minor about one of my sons. I told her I could not discuss it because I was still asleep. Later I wrote her explaining that I preferred to communicate with her via email. Here's what she wrote in response:

TE,

I hope that at some point in the future you will be able to have an actual conversation with me. We share two children together and it would be in their best interest if we could actually speak to each other sometimes. As parents don't you think it would be helpful to discuss what is going on in their lives and share notes and ideas, etc? Not to mention sometimes it would be a lot easier to have a 5 minute phone call instead of taking 20 minutes to write an email and then waiting 3 hours or 3 days or sometimes never even getting a reply. Maybe now it is still too soon, but I hope that we can aim for a time in the future when we can speak again. --WXW

Not sure if I should respond, or just ignore. Any suggestions?

Have you read my post on parallel parenting? It addresses the issue. Having direct communication is not what is best for the kids...although waywards love to use this excuse...

BTW, I would send her an email with the parallel parenting information attached to the thread I mentioned above and tell her that's your plan because that's what's *best* for the kids and that you will not be responding to any communications asking you to have direct communication.

Perfect.

Don't do this but I'd love it if the letter could somehow indicate that it will be a cold day in hell before you take advice on the what's the "best" for the kids from her. Even a simple, "Interesting, so NOW you're concerned about the children". I hate her implication that you're some child that just needs time to process your anger and eventually mature into her notion of a responsible parental relationship. Hogwash. This is NOT going to blow over. Your children need to learn (and have modeled for them) appropriate responses to abuse. Sure you may someday come to forgiveness but even forgiveness does not require the resumption of a relationship of any kind.

Anyway...I'm mad for you. I strongly dislike this entitled wayward notion that you just have to get along and be nice to them...ya know, for the kids. She can get bent.

Mr. W

Thank you SuzieQ and Mr. Wondering for the great advice. I like the parallel parenting idea very much.

I also thought it was really bizarre that she would call at 9:00 on a Sunday morning. I've barely uttered a word to her in months, and she calls first thing on a random Sunday morning. I think she might be crazy.

FWIW, ITA with SusieQ. Parallel Parenting is the way to go.

She's just selfish and you are supposed to be around when SHE wants you to be. Stand up for what is best for YOU, and in turn, the children.

Saw WXW this weekend when she dropped the kids off for me.

Her face was too thin. Her skin was ashen. Her hair was messy. And her overall demeanor was depressed. I felt kind of sorry for her.

Her 'freedom' came at a high price.

How did YOU look???

buff???

Mr. W

I looked good... duh.

Good for you, TE!

I saw STBX in a meeting with the lawyers a few weeks ago. He has definitely aged and basically acted like an idiot (hothead). My atty told me afterwards..."Something seems very wrong with him!"

Seems to be a somewhat common theme of waywards going in a downward spiral despite getting their "freedom".

Also of note, my 6-year old cries at the end of every visit. Poor little guy.

WXW sent me an email yesterday hitting me up for money ($90) for the boys to play lacrosse.

I'm giving her a good deal of child support and live in a different state so I am constantly paying for travel for visitation. For instance, the kids are flying to see me next week and it's costing me about $800.

How should I handle WXW? Should I just give her more money or say no? I'm becoming financially strained myself.

What does it say in your divorce decree about these types of things? Where I live, any sports, etc each parent would be responsible for 1/2 of it on top of CS. I am not sure what it is where you live, and if it is written in the D decree, then you need to abide by it.

Is $90 already 1/2 the bill???? Seems pretty cheap for two kids to play a sport.

I don't know what you should do.

Mr. W

I look at such things as good for the kids. Tell her to give you the info on the lacross agency and that you'll pay it yourself. This will avoid any exageration on her part about the funds actually needed and will give you the peace of mind of knowing that it goes where it is intended to go and to the true benefit of your kids.

The bill is $180 for both kids. WXW wants $90. I guess that's a small price to keep the peace.

But I'm spending a ton on visitation!

I thought that stuff was part of the child support? My WH doesn't pay for our kids to be in sports. I just paid $250 for three of them in gymnastics.

What does your Court order CS state?

Tough