No, I did not send flowers. I should? After last night?

If you're still in Plan A- Yes
If you've switched to Plan F/U- No

Oh, and TR made an excellent point

I don't know that you need to send flowers during the current situation. You need to start with having conversations first. I think flowers might be over the top and might send the message that you are apologizing for your exposure.

Just invite her to dinner with you and DD. Get a dialogue going about something other than the relationship. If it comes up, change the subject.

The fogbabble is almost funny. It's so friggin' crazy! Hang in there man. We all know what you're dealing with.

Now track down OM's parents and let's try to get this woman back from crazytown.

I know this might be considered a missed Plan A opportunity, but any money I put into Valentine's Day will be for someone who appreciates me --- my daughter.

I feel if I send even a single flower to my WW, she will view that as me being weak and trying to kiss up to her for what has transpired. More or less backpedaling and I will lose any forward momentum I've gained.

Exposure close to Valentines Day may have been bad timing, but I don't think she's in any condition to even remotely see anything from me in a positive light. At least not right now.

I've been wrong before!

SW

Plan A counters our feelings and emotions for a reason. My 2 cents is you are really missing the boat.

Maybe writing down your plan and posting it here will help us to understand better.

You missed a golden opportunity at target by avoiding her to let at least her know where you are coming from. In an exchange "I am only trying to save our family" possibly could have come out.

Does she know that?

You could have simply called back and invited WW to pizza with DD tonight. Cut out the middle crap and think in the simplest terms.

Are your goals to shun her and let her chemically charged brain run wild or are you going to show her a man with a MB's plan?

Let her blow and then ask "Want a cookie"?

I know the past several days has been a whirlwind for you and your DD.

I am affraid if all your DD sees is conflict or conflict avoidance from you rather than positive actions with your stated goals (To save the M) that you will loose her to WW.

Your goal is to try to save the M right?

Plan A is all about you. All the items listed in the carrot. Its not for your chemically brain washed WW.

Living and showing your WW that list IRL causes conflict in that brain. Causes re-thinking about her actions. Causes confusion. Causes doubts. That is the point of Plan A.

Also bring out the stick when need be but do it w/o AO/dj's.

Causes her to question Is this what I really want to do? It is not natural (Plan A) to a BS and at times sucks the big one.

It is also the set up for plan B. Without a good plan A then chances of R diminish even further with going into Plan B.

She needs to have a good man to miss should you go into Plan B.

Really study up on Plan A. Your WW is only doing what most typical WW's do-Spew vehnom to justify their actions.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Showing her Plan A IRL is out of the ordinary.

ETA
In simpelest terms don't worry about WW's message to you - Worry about your message to WW.

nESRE

I don't want to say I'm in Plan F/U, I think I'm in the plan where I let the dust settle and see what there is to work with afterward. That will determine my plan going forward.

I know Plan A is for me going forward, not for getting her back. I will resume my Plan A for me personally once I get a clear vision. I think for my sanity, I need to do an unofficial Plan B for the next few days.

Trust me, dinner tonight will be with OM. Not worth my effort to appear needy to her or get her thinking I'm trying to kiss up. She needs to cool and think.

I've never missed giving her flowers for Valentines Day in 25 years. On this, the 26th year, she can think about that.

What nESRE said

is crucial and critical.

Plan A can be enjoyable for you even though the wayward is scary nuts and trying to provoke you to justify their continued betrayel.

Understand this......any normal betrayed person would do plan F/U in this situation but it would not be the smart thing to do.

Plan A is. Even if your wayward is vile and never ever snaps out of the fog.

Plan A makes you a stronger and more amazing person.

It is being your best self in a horrible, wrenching, scary situation.

Stop thinking your wayward is doing anything unique. We have all seen it, experienced it, know it is script and part and parcel.

And....dang it....text her that she is 'welcome to join you and DD for pizza.' and ignore any ranting back but enjoy any positive response.

and

dang it

send her flowers. We don't care if she takes them and throws them out a moving car window.

You send some.

Since you always have....do it. It is a pebble in her soul, her good side of her soul.

ITA

Put some confusion in that brain.

Make sure your actions are consistant though or she will smell it a mile away.

Start today...RIGHT NOW....

nESRE

This is all exactly what I was thinking. She's only seen the stick part of Plan A. She's needs to being seeing some carrot as well.

She's not pondering the last 26 years of how many times you bought flowers. She's rewriting history. She's not reflecting because she is in a fantasy world. She doesn't see you in it. She doesn't see your children in it. The less she sees of you or hears from you, the further away she pulls.

The more you text and offer invitations to do things, the more she will see that you care. It's not saying that you are a sucker or that you are needy. It's saying that you are thoughtful. You're looking at things the wrong way SW. Look through our eyes, not yours.

You're not going to appear needy if you invite her to a Valentine's dinner with you and her daughter, which is where she should be anyway. Invite her, with no expectations that she will accept. You need to show her that home is a good place to be.

Maybe I'm reading too fast, but it sounds like you are mixing and matching Plans A and B. I'd suggest you separate those two. It sounds like you're going from yelling matches to wanting to send her flowers. All in the same phone call.

Re-read Plan A and stick with it.

This is good because they are going to Lovebust all over the place. Get going on finding his parents and threatening his business.

Send her flowers and have her come to dinner...smile and wave just smile and wave

Dump or get off the pot.

Plan A or plan D.

Simple single rose bouquet sent to WW at work shows her co workers and WW you want WW as your wife.

So another lost plan A oppt for WW

And that cost for one rose you would of gotten two plan A's for the price of one because the co workers seeing you as a caring guy that will expose to protect his family but won't let protecting his family with showing his love for WW.

You blow up the chance to plan A MIL. That's right you already have too much support from WW family you don't need any more.

You have the chance to plan A WW invite to dinner with DD, MIL, and WW. You don't care even a rodents butt.

You drag your feet to do anything.
Do not do all that you can to fight.

The only thing you do here is come and cry poor me.

Wow, harsh words TR. I hope you're only 2x4ing me to get me motivated, otherwise you need to slow down a bit.

Look, you guys have said this is marathon, not a race. You're treating this as a race. I only big time exposed my wife 2.5 days ago.

Let me ask a simple question: what makes you think that after the hopefully successful trouncing that WW got over the weekend which is still reverberating, the anger she spewed at me last night, and the anger that MIL threw my way (and trust me, the smack that MIL is throwing my way is not to be taken lightly) that either one of them would give one iota of a hummingbird's sh*t about me?

Right now they are so angry that I've exposed WW that no amount of goodwill will ever be held in any regard for any length of time in my honor. I don't know why you can't at least entertain the thought that this could be how she would react.

You only know what I've been able to describe of my wife through this forum, which is no one's fault. I know her, and I know that she would see this as either an attempt to 'seek some form of forgiveness from her because I feel bad', or they will laugh in my face because what idiot would expose his wife, then turn around and give her flowers and invite her to dinner on Valentine's Day? I'm a huge fan of British comedy, and to quote Rick from The Young Ones:

Oh, come off it, Neil. If you're going to be that sycophantic, why don't you go 'round there now and stick your tongue straight down the back of his trousers?

Last week I had planned to send WW a really simple, yet unique Valentines Day gift. That was intended to be a Plan A gesture. But then I saw the ring last Thursday, her blatant disregard for my feelings by wearing it in front of me and DD, and jerk0ff putting up a FB profile of him and my wife....well, a man can only take so much. Gloves went off and she got the exposure treatment. So I blew a Plan A chance, big deal. I gained much more by exposing and I found my balls in the process. Whether it begins to crumble the A and makes her think, only time will tell. Me showing any gestures of affection immediately after exposure would be akin to Truman apologizing to Japan right after dropping the bomb.

I'm with ya SW.

Having her respect is of UTMOST importance right now.
Don't back down, and don't apologize for exposure.

The timing of Valentines Day is what it is. Oh well.

I agree that you should let things die down a little. Then you can pick up your Plan A efforts.