You're right. Good correction.

CT, want a woman's point of view on something. What do think are the chances something like this are running through SW's WW's mind right now?

"Well, I guess he really doesn't care about me, or he would be fighting for me. Seems all he wants to do is embarrass me."

Ah, yea, that's probably going through her mind. She doesn't understand that SW is trying to SAVE her!

When my husband found out, the first thing I said was, "Please don't kick me out!"

SW.......ya gotta fight harder. She never should have moved out.

SW,

Look, I frustrated the hell out of the best vets on here becasue I was releuctant to expose...the A for all intense and purposes was over BUT, so long as there was ANY contact (just being 'friends') it is an affair.

I finally exposed...March 9 of last year, I think. And you know what happened?

My wife's head spun, spit out pea soup....
and then she was really angry...
and then a bit pissed off...
and then really upset...
and then kinda mad...
and then embarassed, disappointed...
and then needy, clingy...
and remorseful and sorry...
and then willing, needing to make it right...

This happened over 1 weekend...then she went to services with us, went to son's BBall game together, out to dinner, etc. becasue then, right there -- all of the air of the affair fantasy drained once family/friends/coworkers/employers KNEW about the affair. Total de-fogging took a few weeks, I think, looking back, but exposing it provided an instant "snap" -- you're either all in or you're out. Decide now.

And when the OM was fired from his job -- he went after HER...pissed off, HIS relationship with HER got HIM fired! OM went after HER, LB'd HER.

It's all quite the wake-up call.

I still have my moments (and NG, Marital, etc. still call me on them, thankfully), but I can tell you, to this day I still walk talk in the eyes of my 2 kids, and my wife still THANKS ME for saving her, literally saving her life by breaking her addiction and stopping her from walking down that dead end.

Good luck.

HFD,
That's what I meant when I said that AP's are planning attacks on the waywards.

Your wife's posom was angry with HER and not you.

SW, affairs barely ever work out and I think people who say that they're happy with this new person after destroying their families........are LIARS!!!!!

CT,

Now, OM did threaten to sue me for slander...and told my W she needed to get me to apologize to OM...

And, when I contacted OMs mommmy, he railed against my W for me to "call the dogs off and leave his mother alone...SHE wasn't the one who slept with a married woman -- I was"...precious...

...and just to add: 100% correct -- APs know it's a dead end -- a married woman with kids??? AP knows that is just temporary until something less 'troublesome' comes along...what a crime...

Thanks.

Or until something more'troublesome' gets in his face/life and makes it not worth the effort he would have to exert to keep it.

Brilliantly (sp?) said TW!!

Now, SW, go and nail that POS to the cross!

HFD--my POSOM was "in a relationship"(FB profile pic and all) in less than 6 weeks after our last point of contact. I was so angry and upset. I kept thinking that I was risking everything to be with him and he moved on so easily and quickly. AP's with no children do NOT want a married woman with children.

SW--I was not special to my AP and neither is your wife. You have to go after HIM !

So did you ever think of asking her if she is unhappy why does she stay in her affairriage?

We are all still waiting to hear if you got anywhere with your internet search to find OM parents today.

Also so out of all the PI's you consulted with today which one are you going to go with to hunt do OM parents contact info?

CT,

From all accounts POSOM was onto another 'girlfriend' within 3 months after I exposed and killed th affair...how's that for a long-term retalionship? Such a scuzball. I hope karma swings his way at some point in my lifetime...

That's what predators do. And this is what your WW is a victim of, SW. A predator.

Wow, the Sue and Jon story really strikes home....still reading. Amazing, alot of it is dead on.

I think my WW read this book before starting the A. Spot on.

SW, it's time for you to engage the services of a good divorce attorney. I sincerely wish you well!

What? So now I can't read SAA without getting my [censored] jacked?

Have a Plan A question. Have a funny picture of DD and our dog here at home. Is it considered appropriate to send a picture to WW, with a funny caption? Maybe to signify we're having fun here at home?

Of course you can send it.

Anything delightful is game in plan A.

SW,

Nothing wrong with reading SAA and describing what you're going through. Keep getting the knowledge you need. And find any reason to text your wife that has happy moments.

Alright dammit, you wanna get jacked up with me? Fine, I'll get jacked up with you. One last time.

You're laying down there in your jammies with your glasses perched precariously on the bridge of your nose, completely understanding and accepting how YOUR wife fell in love with another man and is in his bed right now. I'm NOT saying you are wasting time reading this book. OH NO...not at all!

You SHOULD be reading this book, but not right at the moment!!

You've asked many posters (myself certainly included) on this board the same questions over and over and over in a vast number of ways and been given the SAME advice over and over and over again. Some of the advice is worded differently, but the advice is all the same. IT DOESN'T CHANGE!! It just won't, no matter how much you want it to. It's a proven method that is FULLY endorsed by the members of this board. If you're just looking for a place to blog, then blog dammit. But have your thread moved over to MB101 so you can just blog away.

The people here are here for a purpose. And that's to help BSs that are willing to listen and help THEMSELVES.

Alright, I know how much you are hurting. I have been there, but not a 20 some odd year marriage and certainly no kids to have to experience this trauma. (actually I did lose a stepson that I loved more than life itself, but that's irrelevant right now)

Yeah, I'm beating you up right now SW. I don't do it to be mean or hateful. I'm here because I want to help. But you have to be willing to accept the advice on this board and put the suggested course of action INTO action. You haven't done this.

Let me ask you one more thing. If your kids were to come to you one day and ask;

"Dad, did you do everything you could do to save our family?"

How are you going to answer that?

Okay TW, he's been 2X4d an awful lot. Let's stay calm and not add to the grief he's already having. Be patient.

SW,

I advise you to listen to what the vets have been telling you. If you don't, they will slowly stop posting to you until you have done what you were advised to do. We all understand your pain, worry, fright, hesitation and anxiety. Don't get discouraged. Some things may not feel right, but they're necessary. Do everything in your power so in the end, you can say you did all you can and walk away knowing you tried.