I'm taking a step back for today at least to decide which Plan I want to be in. It's obviously at this point between A, B, & F/U.

I'll be honest with you guys. I've been there in support of our marriage all along. Kids know this and WW knows this. At this point it's another slap in my face from her. I'm almost to the point where I don't feel she's worth my time anymore. Alien or no alien, some people just have to cause mass destruction before they realize what they've done.

Now with that said, I'm not throwing in the towel. Just taking a few minutes to think.

Take your time and don't rush.

Something else I wanted to mention is DS's 18th birthday is this coming Tuesday. I am amazed at how heartless she can be to file for divorce just days before his 18th birthday. Nothing has changed, she could not wait until after?

So she's ruined his senior year and now his 18th birthday.

I don't think she's in a fog, I think she's lost all her marbles.

My initial thoughts are since she filled the forms out herself, she just did this at this time to in a fit of anger after my exposure. Why else would you do this right before your son's landmark birthday?

I think Jessi's right, she had to do this to justify what she was doing after being exposed. She also probably had to do this to show her commitment to OM (which tells me exposure was a direct hit).

Well, now OM has just that much more pressure on him. He knows my wife is sacrificing her marriage, kids, etc. all for him. He's going to have to really step up and satisfy ALL her needs. That's why I'm contemplating going straight to Plan B on this. Let him have to satisfy ALL of her EN's.

And why don't you want to file criminal charges?

Did you tell you want pressure against OM so he drops your WW?

Did you tell lawyer to push WW to pay CS as a way put financial pressure on WW to end the affair?

Did you tell your lawyer you want him to use his legal expertise to help end this affair?

I would not tell WW it is a criminal offense. I would just start proceedings against OM and she will find out eventually.

Also, the best thing to do even IF you choose plan F/U would be to plan A then plan B and keep the F/Us to yourself, cos, any F/Us sent her way would get blown right back towards you, thereby causing you problems or more cr*p to deal with.

Passive Resistance.

The most powerful tool in life. Really powerful.

I agree with Reading!

Also, SW, I want you to know that even after being divorced for 2 years, my cousin still calls me crying.

She told me what has hurt her the most is that her husband didn't fight for her. She is still crushed that he didn't even attempt to save their marriage.

If you decide you're done then you're done. However, if you still love your WW and want to keep your family together then you need to come down HARD on OM.

I wish adultery was illegal in my state. My BH could have had my POSOM thrown back into jail !!!!

No pressure on OM just pressure on WW. And only a little pressure. OM don't care what WW is giving up. OM is not giving anything or being called on to do anything but do your WW.

News Flash: WW has not been letting you meet her needs. You have not caused financial hardship for WW so she can live out on her own. No financial hard ship for OM to fail to meet that need for WW.

No pressure from OM parents.

You have not done what you have needed to do.

Everything is falling into place according to the script because you have failed to do want must be done.

All you have done here is play the victim. We are all human and need to be a victim for a moment. You have never put playing that part asided and played the man protecting what is his.

Wimps to not turn on WW's

Yes it was in a fit of Anger ... my WH filed his the day after my birthday. SW she is in a deep addiction. Think about women you dated ... remember what it was like to be dumped or to break up? Crying, anger, sadness, depression ... my WH was distraught because his wh0re dumped him over my exposure he stopped talking to me for 5 months ... it can be that daunting.

Breathe---Relax---Take time to make your decisions

You are more in charge here than you think.

Remember, WW is on the wrong side here -- you are not.

Relax. Breathe. Work the Problem.

First step is exposure. Ignore anything WW says -- it's all alien addicted fog babble.

stillwaiting, I think you are doing a great job, but I wanted to comment on this. Your atty has no idea what he is talking about because he is not experienced in this field. One of the fastest and most efficient ways to run off an OM is to cause lots of trouble for them. OM are pansies and cowards who do not really care at all about their affair partner, so causing as much trouble as possible is the formula.

We have wrecked many an affair over the years by running off an OM. Dr Harley has advised to "cause as much trouble as possible" in the affair.

I am confused why your atty said you would not want to file criminal charges against the OM? Why not?

That sounds like advice from your typical lazy, conflict avoider atty who will avoid conflict AT ANY COST. Their job is not to save your marriage but to avoid conflict at any and all cost. I am not surprised he wants to avoid conflict, but how does he explain that you don't want to file criminal charges? Is he under the impression your goal is to PROTECT the OM?

And don't worry one bit about your wife serving those papers. The fact that it was on the day you exposed tells me she did it to punish you and get you back under control. She is not used to not having complete control and is trying to scare you into submission. Don't let it bother you, my friend!

You are LUCKY to be able to press criminal charges. This will definitely destroy the affair.

WW are crazy at first but then we calm down and realize how serious our situations were.

Don't be afraid of her reactions!

I know I'm late to this discussion but may I ask "who" served you with the divorce papers? Were these actually filed (with a file-stamp from the court)?

Sheriff served papers this morning. It's legitimate with official stamps. Just that she filled it out herself.

Hugs to you SW. Stay the course. Keep following the plans and the advice posted to you.

Do not focus on her response to exposure. It is no different than any other waywards. Control your own actions.

Even though I embarrassed myself and insulted the hell out of you last night, I'm not gonna quit on you. (Sorry again BTW)

SW, you've got a real chance to be a hero in all this. She is throwing away her entire FAMILY over this scuzbucket. You have some laws on your side. Explore all options. Talk to more lawyers. Get that scuz's family info. Talk to law enforcement. Talk to a prosecutor. Talk to your dog. You have tools that most people don't have to make this scuzbucket's life a living hell. Use them.

I'm betting your WW had NO idea you would have this kind of response and would just roll over. She's probably never seen this kind of fire from you and it blew her away. She's scared and I'm betting he's a little nervous right now as well. These papers are just a way to get you to "back off". Time to lob another massive volley, but at a different target. Him.

If you're done with this abuse, then I understand completely. You've been raked over the coals. If not, it's time to attack and without mercy. War has just been declared on you. All's fair in love and war.

Get mad dog mean!!! (think Josie Wales)

Oh, do the kids know about the papers? If not, tell them tonight. Especially the DD that is meeting WW tomorrow. I would also call your BIL and SIL (I suspect you have already done this).

SW, do you know how many BSs WISH they could file adultery charges against the OP? I for one am raising my hand up HIGH.

File adultery charges on him. He should have thought of that before he decided to have an affair with your wife.

Still - Just know that everyone posting to you is sitting behind their computer with the same saddened heart.

There still isn't a day that goes by where I shake my head in disbelief ... Me:"But we were so happy!!"

I have nothing good to say about adultery or divorce. I am not a fan of divorce even in the case of adultery. My WH is one awful, deplorable, POS wayturd today, but I still love him, and I still haven't let go of the possibility he may snap out of the fog.

How am I still fighting for my family ... The finances

My WH is getting strapped with huge debt, high CS, and it will be his way of life for many many years to come (unless he finds some woman who will help him clean up his mess or hits the lottery)

Otherwise he is very poor.

It is my last weapon ... I have no hope it will bring him home, but I sure as heck am going to try anyway.

I am a great wife, I know I can make my WH very happy, and I have many kids who want that WAYTURD home ... that is good enough for me to keep fighting!!

On what grounds did she file? I'm guessing irreconcilable differences. I would counter file on grounds of adultery, full custody (which, in your case, you will get because of your kids ages and desires), child support, alimony, etc., etc., etc., etc.

Ramp up the pressure

Don't apologize, TigerWes. You're spot on. SW, LISTEN.

It was just a checkbox for either Divorce or Legal Separation. She checked "Divorce: This marriage is irretrievably broken"

No place to put anything other description. Very canned responses.