Good man!! Are you on anti-depressants? Another thing you can do is email Dr Harley and get his perspective. He will probably tell you to stay in Plan A, but he might have some good insights for you. Here is the link to write him: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html

Family, close friends, in-laws, and my Church community have been my anti-depressants, Melody. They're love, care, and support have kept me from sinking to the bottom during this horrid crucible. It's been very hard, but I'd rather not get on drugs. Back in September I considered getting on anti-depressants. Like everyone else, I experienced physical and tremendous mental anguish along with rapid weight loss. I'm coping much better now that I'm four months out of D-Day.

I'll e-mail Dr. Harley tomorrow.

I think I'm out of thank you tokens. :-)

That's great that you have a good support group..

Go watch "Not without my daughter" with Sally Field (great movie). You can see how she will be treated when she over seas with him. Wait till the inlaws get a hold of her.

At a crossroads.

Went back plan A, but before it got far my wife decided not to sign the settlement agreement. Sounds like she's losing confidence that her affair partner is going to commit. But she's not giving up on him either. She's hedging her bets, that's all.

It is likely that I am about to engage in a fierce custody battle, and things could get ugly. I don't want them to, but I I have to fight for my girls.

I want to continue in plan A, especially given the fact that my wife's affair partner is starting to show signs of pulling away. No better time than now. However, I also need to fight for my girls. These objectives are at odds.

Based on my wife's lack of love over the past few years, it it would be prudent to focus on the custody issue, which will no doubt make more withdraws from an already depleted love bank. She feels I drove her to all this (fogbabble) and she hates me for taking away the girls and the house. Not sure how plan A will work under these circumstances, though that is the stick part of the plan, right?

Been pondering this dilemma all week.

Have you read Mortarman's threads? If not, you should.

Also, Plan A and the custody battle aren't at odds. You Plan A and let your attorney take care of the custody stuff. You can blame your attorney for the custody fight.

Well, trying to do plan A, but finding it really difficult to implement. My wife is very angry and mean spirited. She's insulting and won't look me in the eye or talk to me. She's in major blame-shifting mode, and there's no space to make deposits into her LB it seems.

We're working on the settlement and that too is causing tension.

I can put up with her cold heartedness, but it's impossible to be warm and radiant with her since she's this way.

It feels like my car is stuck in the sand.

But a car can get unstuck. Think of Plan A as digging the car out... you never know how long you have to dig to get traction. You never know if your LB$ deposits are tallying up and gaining interest.

As easy as it is to say, and as hard as it is to implement, you need to have no expectations. Take satisfaction in giving it your best Plan A efforts for YOUR satisfaction, rather then any effect it will have on WW. Yeah, I know, easier said than done.

Well, my wife flew overseas today to be her affair partner. Her fourth rendezvous with that POS. Double edged sword. It hurts like hell, but glad to have a few days with none of her drama.

I talked with a priest yesterday, and he was very helpful. Really helped me get my bearings.

When my wife comes back, I'll continue with plan A, but I'm not very confident anything will come of it. Nonetheless, I give it my best and do it with dignity.

Hugs to you J3. Be proud of your efforts to fight for your marriage. What struck me about your WW's actions... she is sabotaging any custody battle she plans for, flying off to be with POSOM and leaving the kids behind.

Enjoy the calm and absence of her drama. Keep doing nice things for yourself.

Thank you, Caracal, for your kindness. Hoping to make it a good weekend and Valentines Day for my girls.

Wife just returned from her fourth trip overseas with her affair partner. I'm supposed to be back in plan A, but its going to be hard. I'm feeling a lot of anger and I'm feeling like its over. javascript:%20void(0)She's not changing, and my resentment now has many layers.

I don't know how I can muster the fortitude to be sweet and kind. I feel that saying nothing is the best I can do right now. Actually, I wish she would just go overseas and not come back. That is selfish, since we have two girls who love their mom. A part of me--probably my ego--feels they'd be better off with her gone.

She's hateful and mean these days, so its really hard to be kind back, and doing so doesn't make deposits in the love bank because she despises guys who are welcome mats. I do too, actually.

I guess I'll just apply Mama's rule: If I can't say nothing nice to her, I won't say nothing at all. It's more about what I do anyway. I'll avoid strife, do some nice things from a distance when the opportunity presents itself, and stay out of her way for the most part.

The divorce is going to be final in 2 months anyway provided she signs the agreement soon. I guess I can suck it up for that amount of time. Jesus take the wheel.

I do see you were in a kind of plan B and then have tried plan A but you sound really challenged by the plan A.....
perhaps you can prepare for a true and strong boundaried Plan B and turn and walk in the opposite direction without having to deal directly with her?

You can go and heal.

It is tough stuff to turn away but it does allow some love to stay down deep in your love bank to draw from if you ever need it.

Just preparing for a real plan B (writing an amazing plan B letter, thinking up intermediaries, etc) might give you the strength to continue plan Aing. It would be there, ready to go once you really need it.

Reading, thanks for your response. I was in plan b and went back to A for three reasons:

1) I didn't have a long enough plan A. Don't feel nothing took root.
2) My plan B was a failure as I didn't follow the procedure correctly and made a lot of withdrawals from her love bank.
3) Her affair partner is overseas, so I have the advantage of making deposits when time and distance weigh down their relationship.

So I'm starting over with plan A even though I'm wishing I were in B at times.

But she is angry and disrespectful and that erodes my hope and resolve. I'm praying for the grace to plan A with dignity.

If you want to save the marriage you need to plan A.
How is your WW getting the money and time to fly off to OM country.

Yes, I want to save it.

Her POS affair partner is paying for it. The guy is supposedly wealthy. Part of the whole allure. He flies her in and she lives the glamorous life with him.

Wow, hope you don't take this the wrong way but it sounds like this POS has done nothing but turn your WW into a high dollar, international call girl. This POS isn't into it for her but what he can get out of her for as long as it pleases him. I can't believe your WW can't see this.

You've got to do something to find out who this craptard is. Like Mel said, talk to MIL. See what she knows.

Well, he's turned her into a Muslim call girl, which has stunned her strongly Catholic family. They have some kind of spiritual connection. Don't know if its real or not. Her family thinks the same thing as you TigerWes as far as him using her, but my MIL will not tell me who he is. MIL is hoping she'll crash and burn and come home. Problem is, time is ticking with the divorce.

So if what all MIL said is true, then what is her reasoning for not helping you bring this POS down a notch? Seems to me she would be jumping through hoops to help you in any way possible.

Mil is worried her daughter will do harm to herself as has been suggested and she doesn't want to betray her daughters trust. Yes, she's enabling her, but there's nothing I can do about it.

Meanwhile, any ideas of how to plan A? What are things I can do? She's not at home, but I see her a few times a week for a few seconds at a time. We don't really talk, though I am trying to engage more now and be pleasant since changing over to Plan A; however, she keeps it really short and avoids pleasantries. I'll try and think and I'll review the EM needs survey this week.