Last night, I purposely test him by telling him I have an interview today. His face turn so dark. He don't even want to talk to me. He must have gotten so angry. He's expecting me to leave Brunei by 15/3/12. Coz I've told him that my sister & bro-in-law were leaving Brunei for Jakarta. He even delete my photo & name from his mobile contact. Looks like he hated me so much that he wanted to completely have me out of his life. He kept saying that if he could end it with the OW then i wouldn't have discover the affair. What was that suppose to mean? He will not give me his love/affection/hug/kiss/sex. He ask me to just give up on him. He will not divorce me either coz he thinks that's how he took responsibility for what he'd done to me. He still expects me to stay at my in law house. How am I suppose to face them?

Jennifer you've been told that waywards behave horribly and hatefully.

That's normal. Don't let it affect your Plan A. Show yourself in a good light - think of it as leaving out bait to entice the enemy. Ignore everything he says and does and just get ready for Plan B.

When he says 'give up' on him it is because you are making his choice difficult and uncomfortable for him. That is what you are supposed to be doing.

Just continue with your plans and you will soon be away from him.

If he has any sense he will miss you in Plan B and see the A for the fantasy it is. If not you will know you did everything and you will start healing in peace.

Last night, I've already pack my things & left. I told him I'm not going to care what's his plan for the future anymore. I even told him to go ahead with his affair. Since he treated me as though I'm invincible. I just ask him to give me money for the flight ticket back to Malaysia. He was like shock & didn't even said a single word. I told him I'm not going back to his family home.

Thank you very much for the advice. You are completely right. I didn't gave him the love letter though. I gave him a very meaningful birthday card. After I've left, the next day he just sent me a text message saying - wife I'm sorry. I just ignore it. Yesterday evening he sent an e-mail saying he's sorry & he's not happy after I left & that he's deserved to be hate. I'll ignore it & see what he'll do next.

Keep reiterating what he has to do to win you back.

If he says he's sorry, say you would appreciate his showing that sorrow by doing what you have asked. Be polite, but firm.

If he says he deserves to be hated, say you do not hate him, you are simply insisting he meet your conditions or he will lose you.

I would give him your conditions now and say 'This is what it will take to keep me in the marriage'

Tell him:

I want to have a romantic, loving, SAFE marriage and I will NOT stay in a loveless marriage. I am willing to give you an opportunity to earn my forgiveness. In order for the marriage to recover, certain things have to happen. This is what it will take:

1. End all contact with OW for life - send her a letter that we write together and is mailed by me

2. No more nights apart or going out without each other - create a healthy, integrated lifestyle

3. Complete transparency - cell phone passwords,finances etc

4. No more opposite sex friendships

5. Complete honesty about your affair<s> � passing a polygraph

6. Commit to a program for marital recovery of my choosing.

This is what it will take to keep me in this marriage. You will have to have willingness and ability to make radical changes in your life if we are going to be married. Your lifestyle must become an open book, holding nothing back, these precautions are to prevent another affair. I love you and have no doubt that you are capable of more honourable behaviour and meeting these requirements

Do you mean I should reply his e-mail? Since I left until now he never call me. He had only sent me 1 sms & 1 e-mail.

Yes try emailing him

Yesterday I heard from my H colleague said he was very quiet & down. He stayed in the room every night. I don't know how true is it coz I'm not there. I hope he don't go insane. I've just reply his e-mail according to what you've advice me earlier. Tonight I'll be going back to Malaysia.

Good stuff Jenn, you're doing great. You should go into Plan B after 2-3 weeks of Plan A. When do you think you can do this? The link in my sig will help you prepare for Plan B.

Until then plan A like a rockstar. Be confident, attractive and stick to your guns.

do you mean that i should continue e-mail him even he didn't reply me? i don't know if my h colleague team up with him to trick me. coz his colleague also warn from exposing his affair to his family. i was thinking of exposing it to his family on this coming sunday. coz i want to go back to my in law house to take some of my belongings. i don't know what should say when facing my in law.

Have you read the Exposure 101 thread? There is a description of wordings and how to expose - everything you need to know.

I will bump it for you so it is easy to find. Read it and then come back here with your exposure plan.

You should also read the carrot and stick of Plan A.

What about the truth?