Exactly it will be an easy one to bust up. Oceangirl can decide what to do with him later.

Og - Does she live with anyone who can monitor her internet usage? Who would be the exposure targets in her home? and overall? Is she married?

Expose to her family and she is fried.

Her dad will probably never let her near anything remotely like a computer again.

Maybe someone on here or elsewhere can help you translate into farsi/persian?

I think she is around 24 and looks to have a child. I would say she is "americanized" Doesn't exposing make them bond to each other tighter? Does that make me look vindictive and petty? For some reason it feels like I would drive him to her by doing that and make him hate me.....I understand the principles behind it but I also know my husband would despise me for that and push him away from any interaction with me.

They play a online game together and that is how they met. My thoughts were that their relationship has no chance of real life interaction and so the only relationship is digital and that by setting him "free" to pursue her, that it would fall apart quickly because their common bond was the problem of being married to me but when that is removed, the thrill of the forbidden is gone? Is my thinking off here?

I did read all the links provided but they seem so aimed at real life affairs and harder to implement for online ones.

Oh,and she has a facebook page, is that allowed in Iran?

I would read the thread in my link and expose the affair to her family, your WS's family, and everyone else.

Has your husband moved out?

Your husband is having a REAL LIFE affair. Your marriage is not on the rocks over a pretend affair. You can see the obvious damage.

I am still wondering if you bothered to read my post, because I am not going to waste any more time here until you do.

No your husband has sulked and manipulated you into believing you have to put up with this woman.

He will have made you feel unloved, worthless but hinted that if you are a VERY good girl and leave his precious addiction alone he MIGHT just MIGHT put the whisky bottle down long enough to throw you a bone.

If that's what you want, you have it.

If you want your marriage back or merely the A bust up you need to EXPOSE.

You need to stop listening to his nonsense and threats and STOP taking the word of a wayward.

Oceangirl,

As someone whose first marriage of 21 years ended because of an online affair, I am telling you that this is a real affair. My ex used to play the online game Second Life and met a woman in another state playing this game. In a couple of months, he was in love with her, just by interacting with her in the game and on the telephone. He eventually left me and our two children so that he could continue this online relationship with her. He was sending her money and totally enraptured with her. These online affairs can destroy marriages just as in person affairs do.

Please treat this seriously and expose this affair to break it up. You have to fight for your marriage and not downplay the destructiveness of online affairs.

You've been given good advice already, focus on heeding it. Concentrate on what YOU are going to do to end this affair and save your marriage, do NOT focus on what he says, they're doing, that is a distraction from the steps you need to take. Start with exposure to all three of your families & friends! FB is a good place to start.

Is your WH living with you?

Melody- I've read every bit of it. I'm soaking it in.

Husband has left the house. I think he is living in our motor home in a state park. I asked him to end all contact with her but he says he can't and he knows himself well enough to find a way to contact her. He is a social hermit.He has no friends, no social life outside of our home.

His work is computers, his life is computers and his only way he knows how to relate to people socially is through computers. He is private and has no relationship with his side of the family. I realize that all this are red flags to have the capability to walk away from his life.

I understand the concepts....we have not talked since he left. He hasn't called to talk to the kids. The kids are asking all about where he is,why he was crying and if he is in jail????

I don't know how I can get through it all. Deep breaths.

Well, there you have your answer. In that case, I would go right to Plan B. Do you have the book Survivng an Affair?

As a SAHM, the assumption here would be that you and your children are entirely dependent for financial support on WH. You should not waste too much time before getting to a lawyer and starting the process to ensure that the burdens of emergency financial supports are placed on WH, as he has already left the marital home.

Let me speak more effienciently for NG:

FILE FOR DIVORCE.

I did have the book years ago and I loaned it to a friend. I will buy another copy to refresh myself. Should I file so quick? This-all just happened on Saturday.

I am dependent on him but I handle all the finances and bank accounts.

At the very least see a lawyer to determine your rights and what you need to do to protect yourself. Just because you handle the finances doesn't mean he can't yank all the money from accounts!

For emphasis, please don't listen to anything he stays; don't waste a second trying to decipher what it means. It means NOTHING. Waywards emotions change as quickly as you can change the channel on tv.

EXPOSE to this woman's family! Americanized or not, I can't imagine they would be happy with this. Does she know your WH is married?

First things first... get all info off her facebook page that you can, including her friends/family info.

I know you're scared. I know you're hurt. But listen to what you're being told and fight that instinct to panic. You've got to find that strength that only comes from within.

I've exposed to our family and friends. They are being very supportive for me and I'm thankful for that. I couldn't get through this without them. They call and come by to check up on me. In the middle of all this my oldest son is very sick with bronchitis so that is another stress for me. I've had no contact with him since Sunday.

He has a Facebook page but he is inactive on it. The only "public" he has is the game via ipad which he has with him and I have no way to "log" into it to expose.

His office has a pharmacy within it and he usually picks up my thyroid medicine from it, which I had asked him to do before this all came about. His first contact with me was an email last night where he asked "I got your medicine, when do you need it" I can't bring myself to even reply.

If I remember correctly, isn't plan B twofold.....an effort to make them realize what they are losing and to give yourself space to focus on your own well being?? To try and accept that they have left you and to only try to save the marriage when they have ended the affair?

A facebook exposure should be done to the OW's contacts via PMs. Go read the link in my signature.

Have you exposed his affairs to his family?


The purpose of Plan B is to remove you from his circle of abuse to avoid the emotional torment of his affair. It is not to teach him a lesson or try to prove anything.

He has no family. His mother relationship is non existent-they haven't seen each other in 9 years, never talk. His one friend (male coworker) knows but I don't know that he cares.

It's been exposed on my end to everyone we know. Her facebook is set to private and has over 700 friends. I can do it but I would never know the fallout from it since their only "public" activity is via that game. They don't talk through facebook. I've read through all your links. Thank you for taking the time to help me.

Respond "now"...thyroid medicine is nothing to do without. Please see a lawyer immediately to get financial provision set in place. Let your attorney know when your husband left...that will officially be known as your date of separation and support will start then. Don't wait until there is no money in the bank and he's not coming around, do it now. Don't assume he will be the caring loving father/husband he always was, it's amazing how ruthless they can get and it's a mistake to think we know them...by the time we learn otherwise it's too late.