If a wife beater believed that beating the hell out of you was a great "growing experience" would you believe that anything had changed? Would you feel safe?

I am baffled at why you imagine you are in recovery? You are not in recovery. What you describe is a very wayward husband who is not safe. If my H told me he felt that raping me was a great growing experience, I wouldn't be on here talking about the wonderful "baby steps" but escorting his sorry POS a*s to the door! I would pack him up and set his bags on the door step. Maybe at the point of my pistol.

True remorse comes AFTER all contact with the OP ends. Men should be real soon, women rarely show remorse. Dr Harley says that if a WH does not come to you on bended knee with hat in hand, then he is not serious. The reason your H is not serious is because he has not ended contact with the OW.

Forgiveness is certainly not appropriate in your situation. Can't We Just Forgive and Forget?

Thanks, Melody! I know I can always count on you to inject reason and put things in proper perspective. You are right, my "recovery" is just merely baby steps. I totally feel like my WHS raped me and claims it was a "growing" experience for him. I wouldn't be on this forum if I felt that we were recovering our M. Instead I am grasping at straws hoping that whatever we have is some sort of progress (and seeking validation of this notion here from those who have experienced this before). When one sets the bar very low, anything, I guess, looks like an improvement. I feel I am getting crumbs when OP was gorging on a feast of my WH's love.

Instead I am grasping at straws hoping that whatever we have is some sort of progress (and seeking validation of this notion here from those who have experienced this before). When one sets the bar very low, anything, I guess, looks like an improvement.

This is a not inconsiderable breakthrough in your understanding the huge task of REAL recovery, which, quite frankly, you haven't even begun.

That said, then, the question arises: What are you willing to do, what are you willing to risk, and what are you willing to destroy to actually implement recovery?

Thank you for commenting NG. This thread was meant to be more general in nature without rehashing my personal situation, which was described in detail in my other thread. Somehow, I found myself rehashing the details of my arrsted recovery in this forum as well. I know my situation has pretty much hit an impasse. FWH can't find a job elsewhere so he is stuck in his present position where he occasionally sees OP in public areas of the large office building. We are unable to have him quit his job due to financial considerations (one kid in college, another one heading to college, upside down mortgage, I am in school as well).

You ask what I am willing to do, risk and destroy to implement recovery. I did everything I could to get my WH back into our family after he abandoned me and my child to be with OW. I guess he thought she would leave her family as well. But she didn't. Apparently, she kept asking my WH "Do you want me to leave my H?" and he was telling her that that it had to be her decision. So she didn't leave her H. In fact, after I exposed the A to him and his family, she convinced him that this was nothing but a friendship. And he believed her. Three days post exposure, WH returned home. I allowed him back thinking that once out of the A fog, he would be remorseful and our recovery would progress by leaps and bounds. Now, three months later, he, apparently, is still in the A fog. I am beginning to think if all of this is really worth it. Is it really worth trying so hard to create something meaningful out of the remnants of our M? Why do I need to explain to him how I feel emotionally raped by his betrayal? Why doesn't he know this himself? And do something about it? He is more attentive and affectionate now than before, but I know that he was capable to be much more to the OP. So, how do I reconcile this void between what he is emotionally capable of (albeit in A fog) and what he is willing to give in our M. He asks me to give him more time, claiming that he can't produce emotions on command. I briefly considered going into Plan B but I can't do it because of the impact this would have on my kid, plus financially we would not be able to pull this off. We are still trying to pay off the debt that we accumulated when FWH decided to separate for three weeks and lived in a hotel.

Because he is still drunk on the affair. It is like the alcoholic going to the bar every day and having drinks. He can't ever recover until he stays out of the bar and sobers up.

No, he didn't. That is fogbabble. You are the only person who believes that he believes that. He just said that so you wouldn't object to his continued contact.

I am sorry, Melody, my post was not too clear (too many "he" and "him" there). What I meant was that I exposed A to OWH and OW convinced her husband that the EA/PA with my WH was only a "friendship" despite the evidence to the contrary (e-mail exchanges professing love). My WH returned home shortly after exposure claiming he couldn't bare seeing how devastated our child was by the separation. I made WH write NC letter. There has been no further contact (pretty much 100% sure) between the two of them other than passing each other in a hallway at work. FWH doing everything he can to find a job elsewhere (sent out hundreds of resumes and not a single interview). Leaving the job without another one lined up is not an option (need money and health insurance, I am a cancer survivor).

Thanks for the clarification, yb. I wanted to scream at my computer when I saw your comment.

As far as your H being "in contact," he is in contact every time he goes to school. Every time he sees her is contact. And as far as them speaking, dating, etc, you would have no idea if they were doing that or not. He can tell you whatever he wants to say. You only have the untrustworthy word of a practiced, entitled liar about the state of the affair.

There are LOTS of way to conduct an affair in the workplace. Affairees have secret cell phones, rent hotel rooms, have sex in closets, offices, classrooms, board rooms. If your husband has an office with a door, that would be a perfect place to meet up.

I just read your postings and it appears you are not following MB principles.
Have you read Surviving an Affair?
Why bother writing a No Contact letter if he sees her in the hallway?

You are in a false recovery